i just feel like i was born and this world was just horrible to me. the worst genetics possible with the worst upbringing possible
and now i cant sleep cos its all i can think about is some of this stuff
so im born with 5'4 genes, ugly
always alone as a kid, very lonely , definitely neglected and severely underfed by my fat mom who was scared of me getting fat so she did the opposite basicaly starve me and ruin my potential height growth even more. so SHE did this to me gentically. then SHE did this to me environmentally
i hate her guts and i have to live with her every day.i honestly wish i was dead and idc if she was dead. but im too pussy to kill myself
then lots of bullying as a kid, my own "friends" would just be cruel and mentally torture me for no reason but i couldnt leave otherwise id have no friends. what did i do to deserve this. and this would cause servere acne from stress which ruined the skin on my face acne scars. even more punishment that i dont deserve
even at 14 i begged my dad for hgh and he refused "muh you'll grow" and as spots were acne scarring my skin hard i begged for acne medication telling my dad its litrally obliterating my face why wont you help
its like he wanted me to suffer and he didnt help
then at like 15 i started smoking weed with my friend thinking iw as cool but after a few months i had this weird trip it might have been laced or im just prone to schizo or something. i had depersonalization disorder which is the most unbearable thing in this entire world mentally.
id rather die than have it for another day. but i lived with it for 8 fucking months and didnt tell anyone i just hoped my brain would heal itself.
i remember thinking. ive fucked up myself. im ruined. i just messed this life up. if this disorder doesnt heal after a year or whatever ill just kill myself cos its extreme suffering. like on god that disorder i wouldnt even wish it upon my worst enemy for 10 minutes. but i had it all day every day. i would look into the mirror and not even know who i am or what this world is
and it went away after 8 months. but im pretty sure it made me weird. like never the same again. i may be a bit autistic. after that im just weird soically
i know if i said something wrong. but its usually after i said it. i learn from my mistakes but kinda autistic and i have a lot of autistic traits now and 0 friends. i need to go get diagnosed. and i have extreme mood problems i cry every night idk if thats normal or not honestly probably cry myself to sleep every night
then i got some shit job construction cos im a dead end loser. then it ruined my eye pupil too much sun in 1 eye and it messed up some nerves in my eye.
so 1 pupil was 1 bigger than the other and i look like a fucking freak. but its finally healed slightly now after 2 years. but i thought it was forever. and it will never be 100% back to normal
then that job gave me repetitive stress disorder in my arms so i literally couldnt do any job i had to leave the job and no college or anything
also i got bullied out of college for being short all my friends left me for no reason
now the only solution i see for my life is leg lengthening and moving to the shortest country in the world and LL will probably disable me but i have no other choice. either get it and move country or rot for the rest of my life as a lonely turbomanlet. and no one else has to get LL. and no one else has to move country. no one else has to expeirence all this BULLSHIT and SUFFERING and ive got TO DO IT ALL BY MYSELF and i literally have NOBODY NO FRIENDS NO FAMILY THAT LOVES ME NO ONE NO GIRLFRIEND I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT LIFE I WISH I WAS DEAD BUT I DONT HAVE THE BALLS TO KILL MYSELF
HOW IS THIS FUCKING FAIR IVE HAD ALL THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO ME, MY BODY WAS BORN BOTTOM 1% GENETICS THEN JUST PUT THROUGH TORTURE AND SCARS AND EVERY PART OF THIS WORLD TRIED TO DESTROY MY BODY. DRUGS TRIED TO DESTROY MY MIND(PROBABLY DONE A GOOD JOB HENCE THIS SCHIZO ESSAY AT 4AM), AND BAD GUIDANCE AND LACK OF FOOD JUST TRIED TO DESTROY MY EYES, TRIED TO DESTROY MY ARMS, TRIED TO DESTROY ME. EVEN FRIENDS TRIED TO DESTROY ME UNPROVOKED THEY TRIED TO ISOLATE ME AND RUIN MY LIFE BULLYING ME OUT OF EDUCATION.
EVERYONE SINCE I WAS BORN HAS PUT ME THROUGH TORTURE AND SUFFERING AND ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR MAN IM JUST A NORMAL KID I DONT DESERVE THIS IM A GOOD FRIEND TO ANYONE TO TRIES TO BE FRIEND TO ME, ID BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND, I PUT MYSELF AND MY BODY THROUGH ANYTHING AND HELL TO SOMEHOW FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS SUFFERING , I DONT EVEN WANT SEX IM JUST TIRED OF BEING LONELY TIRED OF NO ONE HELPING ME TIRED OF SUFFERING TIRED OF BEING REJECTED TIRED OF PEOPLE BEING EVIL TO ME AND BETRAYING ME UNPROVOKED IM TIRED OF THIS SHIT AND SUCH UNLUCKY GENETICS AND FAMILY AND SHIT LIFE I FUCKING HATE THIS WORLD I FUCKING HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I JSUT WISH I WAS NEVER BORN TO THIS EXTREME SUFFERING IM JUST A NORMAL KID WHY DID GOD HAVE TO PUT ME INTO THIS SUFFERING BODY AND TRIED TO DESTROY EVERY PART OF ME WHY IS THE WORLD TRYING TO TAKE ENERGY FROM ME IN EVERY WAY THEY WANT TO SUCK EVERYTHING OUT OF ME AND DESTROY ME ITS SO UNFAIR
I JUST WISH I HAD A GOOD FRIEND OR FRIENDS WHO WOULD BE NICE TO ME AND ILL BE GOOD TO THEM AND HELP THEMT HROUGH ANYTHING AND BE LOYAL AS A BROTHER AND I JUST WISH I COULD HAVE A GF EVEN IF SHES UGLY AND FAT I JUST WANT ANOTHER SOUL TO JUST TELL ME EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY AND THE SUFFERING WILL END SOON OR I WISH I HAD PARENTS WHO GAVE THE SLIGHTEST SHIT ABOUT ME AND DIDN TLET ME RUIN MY LIFE EVEN FURTHER AND NOT HELP ME EVEN AFTER THEY GAVE ME BOTTOM1% GENES WHY CANT THEY JUST HELP ME . EVERY OTHER PARENT HELPS THEIR KID. AND I DIDNT EVEN GET AVERAGE OR GOOD GENES SO I DESERVE THE HELP MORE. BUT EVERYONE BUT ME GETS GENES AND EVERYONE BUT ME GETS HELP
BECAUSE SINCE I WAS BORN EVERYONE WANTED ME FUCKING DEAD
and now i cant sleep cos its all i can think about is some of this stuff
so im born with 5'4 genes, ugly
always alone as a kid, very lonely , definitely neglected and severely underfed by my fat mom who was scared of me getting fat so she did the opposite basicaly starve me and ruin my potential height growth even more. so SHE did this to me gentically. then SHE did this to me environmentally
i hate her guts and i have to live with her every day.i honestly wish i was dead and idc if she was dead. but im too pussy to kill myself
then lots of bullying as a kid, my own "friends" would just be cruel and mentally torture me for no reason but i couldnt leave otherwise id have no friends. what did i do to deserve this. and this would cause servere acne from stress which ruined the skin on my face acne scars. even more punishment that i dont deserve
even at 14 i begged my dad for hgh and he refused "muh you'll grow" and as spots were acne scarring my skin hard i begged for acne medication telling my dad its litrally obliterating my face why wont you help
its like he wanted me to suffer and he didnt help
then at like 15 i started smoking weed with my friend thinking iw as cool but after a few months i had this weird trip it might have been laced or im just prone to schizo or something. i had depersonalization disorder which is the most unbearable thing in this entire world mentally.
id rather die than have it for another day. but i lived with it for 8 fucking months and didnt tell anyone i just hoped my brain would heal itself.
i remember thinking. ive fucked up myself. im ruined. i just messed this life up. if this disorder doesnt heal after a year or whatever ill just kill myself cos its extreme suffering. like on god that disorder i wouldnt even wish it upon my worst enemy for 10 minutes. but i had it all day every day. i would look into the mirror and not even know who i am or what this world is
and it went away after 8 months. but im pretty sure it made me weird. like never the same again. i may be a bit autistic. after that im just weird soically
i know if i said something wrong. but its usually after i said it. i learn from my mistakes but kinda autistic and i have a lot of autistic traits now and 0 friends. i need to go get diagnosed. and i have extreme mood problems i cry every night idk if thats normal or not honestly probably cry myself to sleep every night
then i got some shit job construction cos im a dead end loser. then it ruined my eye pupil too much sun in 1 eye and it messed up some nerves in my eye.
so 1 pupil was 1 bigger than the other and i look like a fucking freak. but its finally healed slightly now after 2 years. but i thought it was forever. and it will never be 100% back to normal
then that job gave me repetitive stress disorder in my arms so i literally couldnt do any job i had to leave the job and no college or anything
also i got bullied out of college for being short all my friends left me for no reason
now the only solution i see for my life is leg lengthening and moving to the shortest country in the world and LL will probably disable me but i have no other choice. either get it and move country or rot for the rest of my life as a lonely turbomanlet. and no one else has to get LL. and no one else has to move country. no one else has to expeirence all this BULLSHIT and SUFFERING and ive got TO DO IT ALL BY MYSELF and i literally have NOBODY NO FRIENDS NO FAMILY THAT LOVES ME NO ONE NO GIRLFRIEND I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT LIFE I WISH I WAS DEAD BUT I DONT HAVE THE BALLS TO KILL MYSELF
HOW IS THIS FUCKING FAIR IVE HAD ALL THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO ME, MY BODY WAS BORN BOTTOM 1% GENETICS THEN JUST PUT THROUGH TORTURE AND SCARS AND EVERY PART OF THIS WORLD TRIED TO DESTROY MY BODY. DRUGS TRIED TO DESTROY MY MIND(PROBABLY DONE A GOOD JOB HENCE THIS SCHIZO ESSAY AT 4AM), AND BAD GUIDANCE AND LACK OF FOOD JUST TRIED TO DESTROY MY EYES, TRIED TO DESTROY MY ARMS, TRIED TO DESTROY ME. EVEN FRIENDS TRIED TO DESTROY ME UNPROVOKED THEY TRIED TO ISOLATE ME AND RUIN MY LIFE BULLYING ME OUT OF EDUCATION.
EVERYONE SINCE I WAS BORN HAS PUT ME THROUGH TORTURE AND SUFFERING AND ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR MAN IM JUST A NORMAL KID I DONT DESERVE THIS IM A GOOD FRIEND TO ANYONE TO TRIES TO BE FRIEND TO ME, ID BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND, I PUT MYSELF AND MY BODY THROUGH ANYTHING AND HELL TO SOMEHOW FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS SUFFERING , I DONT EVEN WANT SEX IM JUST TIRED OF BEING LONELY TIRED OF NO ONE HELPING ME TIRED OF SUFFERING TIRED OF BEING REJECTED TIRED OF PEOPLE BEING EVIL TO ME AND BETRAYING ME UNPROVOKED IM TIRED OF THIS SHIT AND SUCH UNLUCKY GENETICS AND FAMILY AND SHIT LIFE I FUCKING HATE THIS WORLD I FUCKING HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I JSUT WISH I WAS NEVER BORN TO THIS EXTREME SUFFERING IM JUST A NORMAL KID WHY DID GOD HAVE TO PUT ME INTO THIS SUFFERING BODY AND TRIED TO DESTROY EVERY PART OF ME WHY IS THE WORLD TRYING TO TAKE ENERGY FROM ME IN EVERY WAY THEY WANT TO SUCK EVERYTHING OUT OF ME AND DESTROY ME ITS SO UNFAIR
I JUST WISH I HAD A GOOD FRIEND OR FRIENDS WHO WOULD BE NICE TO ME AND ILL BE GOOD TO THEM AND HELP THEMT HROUGH ANYTHING AND BE LOYAL AS A BROTHER AND I JUST WISH I COULD HAVE A GF EVEN IF SHES UGLY AND FAT I JUST WANT ANOTHER SOUL TO JUST TELL ME EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY AND THE SUFFERING WILL END SOON OR I WISH I HAD PARENTS WHO GAVE THE SLIGHTEST SHIT ABOUT ME AND DIDN TLET ME RUIN MY LIFE EVEN FURTHER AND NOT HELP ME EVEN AFTER THEY GAVE ME BOTTOM1% GENES WHY CANT THEY JUST HELP ME . EVERY OTHER PARENT HELPS THEIR KID. AND I DIDNT EVEN GET AVERAGE OR GOOD GENES SO I DESERVE THE HELP MORE. BUT EVERYONE BUT ME GETS GENES AND EVERYONE BUT ME GETS HELP
BECAUSE SINCE I WAS BORN EVERYONE WANTED ME FUCKING DEAD
