T
So on my way home from a work-related Christmas celebration where I already got loaded I decided to make a detour to a bar. The same place I went to last year around the same time. This year might have been worse. From what I remember some guy came in and I somehow got the idea that he was also incel. I think he said he didn't have any friends or something and I just went off about how I have no friends and no women will fuck me because of my looks. I ended up giving him my real name and contact info. I got home after 3:00 when we got kicked out because the bar was closing. I woke up still buzzed, two hours late for work, and had to use the last of my illicitly acquired adderall to get into a functional state. I am now feeling extremely depressed and I think today I had a scary realization that I have been in denial of for some time: as the years drag on I am losing control of my life. I reached what I consider to be an apex at the same time last year: I had a decent job where I was mostly competent, I had a car, I was trying to better myself by taking night classes and drinking less. I then quit work for a year to study full time. In that time I became increasingly depressed, and apathetic, with no vision for the future. I decided to go back to work for a while and now I am realizing that I lost many of the skills I used to have. I used to be good at my work, now I am lost as though I am a new employee. So I sabotaged the only thing I had going for me. I am nothing now. I am a washed up drunk retard that tells strangers in bars about my inceldom.
