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I'm actually a pretty regular dude. I'm in my early 30s, I have a pretty cool job in the broadcasting industry, and I've been an on-air personality on both TV and radio. I'm not going to wax poetic about how amazing and cool and enlightened I am, but I do try to be a good, interesting person on a daily basis. I'm more charismatic and outgoing than the average guy, and to call me creative would be an understatement. I'm an artist, musician, and photographer. I'm not excessively fastidious about my appearance, but I do appreciate a nice suit. There are a lot of very basic things I'm omitting about myself because I imagine I'd get eye rolls if I mentioned them (maintaining hygiene), so let's just say I am a fairly average American guy.
But here's where it gets kind of bizarre: I have never, ever had a woman attracted to me. Never been on a date, never held hands, never had anyone flirt with me.
And yeah, it's starting to affect me. I don't know any other person who has gone through this sort of painful loneliness, let alone someone constantly strives to make themselves a better human being in every aspect.
I've been to therapy and it didn't really solve anything, although I did befriend my therapist- we stay in touch to this day. I've got hobbies that keep me occupied and I'm affable enough to easily make friends.
So it absolutely guts me that not one woman ever wants to associate with me outside of work. I've asked hundreds of them out over the past eighteen years and I've been rejected every single time. Most of them do it "nicely" (i.e patronizingly) and let me down easy, so we're able to stay friends. Some just never reply (mostly those on dating sites), and those hurt the most. Ghosting is the worst thing ever.
I've definitely got flaws. Physically I'm a 6 on my best days. I can be melodramatic (see above), a chatterbox, and sometimes a little arrogant. Sometimes I get a little too focused on my lack of relationships. Sometimes I take other parts of my life for granted. These are all things I've been working on over the years and I have reined in. There are probably other flaws I've got that I can't even see, but everyone I know is just far too "nice" and won't point them out to me. Obviously, there's one fatal flaw that's keeping me from attracting a woman, but what it is and why it's so repellent is beyond me.
I've seen the absolute worst men on the planet all in relationships. The crudest and meanest chuds known to humanity. My judgemental side is showing here, but just allow me to indulge for a bit. I work hard to make myself a more compassionate, empathetic person while these guys stroll through life never developing themselves and still have partners who love them.
Nobody has ever loved me. No one loves me right now. And based upon past experience, I fear that no one will ever love me.
I have been told countless times that "it'll get better". That I'll look back on the hard times and laugh. But it's never gotten better. I'm in the exact same situation I was back in 2001. Then too my friend said "don't worry, you'll get over her and find someone new." And I did. And then I failed, got over her, and moved on again, and again, and again, for nearly two decades now. And not once in all these years has someone tried to make a connection with me.
So that's the bare bones of my story. Essentially, I'm the least desirable guy in the world. And no matter what I do, I can't change that.
But here's where it gets kind of bizarre: I have never, ever had a woman attracted to me. Never been on a date, never held hands, never had anyone flirt with me.
And yeah, it's starting to affect me. I don't know any other person who has gone through this sort of painful loneliness, let alone someone constantly strives to make themselves a better human being in every aspect.
I've been to therapy and it didn't really solve anything, although I did befriend my therapist- we stay in touch to this day. I've got hobbies that keep me occupied and I'm affable enough to easily make friends.
So it absolutely guts me that not one woman ever wants to associate with me outside of work. I've asked hundreds of them out over the past eighteen years and I've been rejected every single time. Most of them do it "nicely" (i.e patronizingly) and let me down easy, so we're able to stay friends. Some just never reply (mostly those on dating sites), and those hurt the most. Ghosting is the worst thing ever.
I've definitely got flaws. Physically I'm a 6 on my best days. I can be melodramatic (see above), a chatterbox, and sometimes a little arrogant. Sometimes I get a little too focused on my lack of relationships. Sometimes I take other parts of my life for granted. These are all things I've been working on over the years and I have reined in. There are probably other flaws I've got that I can't even see, but everyone I know is just far too "nice" and won't point them out to me. Obviously, there's one fatal flaw that's keeping me from attracting a woman, but what it is and why it's so repellent is beyond me.
I've seen the absolute worst men on the planet all in relationships. The crudest and meanest chuds known to humanity. My judgemental side is showing here, but just allow me to indulge for a bit. I work hard to make myself a more compassionate, empathetic person while these guys stroll through life never developing themselves and still have partners who love them.
Nobody has ever loved me. No one loves me right now. And based upon past experience, I fear that no one will ever love me.
I have been told countless times that "it'll get better". That I'll look back on the hard times and laugh. But it's never gotten better. I'm in the exact same situation I was back in 2001. Then too my friend said "don't worry, you'll get over her and find someone new." And I did. And then I failed, got over her, and moved on again, and again, and again, for nearly two decades now. And not once in all these years has someone tried to make a connection with me.
So that's the bare bones of my story. Essentially, I'm the least desirable guy in the world. And no matter what I do, I can't change that.
