When i say getting raped by a woman when i was young, I'm talking young to about 11 to 17 yrs old. 11 years because it was when i understood what sex and porn was, and was already beating my shit, and wanted to have sex. if i were raped by a woman before 11 i would probably turn out traumatized from sex, making me a totally different person (Dunno if i would have been more miserable or happier).
First of, knowing that i had sex at least once would have boosted my confidence and i would have probably boasted about it because i would be too retarded to understand that what she had done was wrong, but the only thing that really matters is that it would have made me way more confident about my worth as a man, knowing that i got to do it before everyone is something that would definitely make me way more outgoing and confident about who i am.
All of this would have made me overall more sociable and way less anxious with less self esteem issues.
There's also the fact that I've always been very bitter and full of regret having wasted all my youth studying for shit i don't even care, listening to my parents putting me in line to become a cattle to society instead of having some fun with actual friends, maybe having a few love stories. Getting groomed would partially ease that because after all; someone would have yearned for me at least once, went out of their way for me, knowing that for once i held importance in the eyes of someone else.
Getting raped by a woman would have also meant that i was attractive, it goes with the whole confidence boost i talked earlier.
All of this would have made me happier because in the long run, i wouldn't blur my mind thinking about never being loved, thinking about all the times i got my empathy abused by women so they can mock me, sometimes having schizophrenic debates with myself about being some kind of martyr because nothing ever fucking worked for me, i wouldn't also shelter myself from this shit world, because now that i know only the worst of it, i can only see the worst of it, so i stay in my room, wondering if i should try again, realising that no matter how straight i kept my head up, it always end badly.
Yet if a woman raped me i would have the only glimpse of hope that i ever need, the tangible proof of knowing that yes, some women can care about me, and they can think more of me other than seeing me as "random guy" at best and "worthless" at worst.
You may argue it's not really the exact definition of rape considering my younger self would have gladly accepted, that's why i also said "getting groomed", just choose the word you find most accurate.
First of, knowing that i had sex at least once would have boosted my confidence and i would have probably boasted about it because i would be too retarded to understand that what she had done was wrong, but the only thing that really matters is that it would have made me way more confident about my worth as a man, knowing that i got to do it before everyone is something that would definitely make me way more outgoing and confident about who i am.
All of this would have made me overall more sociable and way less anxious with less self esteem issues.
There's also the fact that I've always been very bitter and full of regret having wasted all my youth studying for shit i don't even care, listening to my parents putting me in line to become a cattle to society instead of having some fun with actual friends, maybe having a few love stories. Getting groomed would partially ease that because after all; someone would have yearned for me at least once, went out of their way for me, knowing that for once i held importance in the eyes of someone else.
Getting raped by a woman would have also meant that i was attractive, it goes with the whole confidence boost i talked earlier.
All of this would have made me happier because in the long run, i wouldn't blur my mind thinking about never being loved, thinking about all the times i got my empathy abused by women so they can mock me, sometimes having schizophrenic debates with myself about being some kind of martyr because nothing ever fucking worked for me, i wouldn't also shelter myself from this shit world, because now that i know only the worst of it, i can only see the worst of it, so i stay in my room, wondering if i should try again, realising that no matter how straight i kept my head up, it always end badly.
Yet if a woman raped me i would have the only glimpse of hope that i ever need, the tangible proof of knowing that yes, some women can care about me, and they can think more of me other than seeing me as "random guy" at best and "worthless" at worst.
You may argue it's not really the exact definition of rape considering my younger self would have gladly accepted, that's why i also said "getting groomed", just choose the word you find most accurate.
