[Posting in Inceldom Discussion, not the gaming subforum, after some reflection. This is about the incel's experience of something, not the game.]
Some may be aware that I'm a big Skyrim tragic. I've been playing it over and over again, for years. A few times I've lost interest and put it away for a couple of months and watched TV instead. But then an idea for a new run comes to me, and I'll be right back there on the cart to Helgen again.
I unapologetically, fucking love that shit. It's escapism to a kind of high fantasy paradise where my inceldom doesn't matter, because I can go anywhere and do anything and forget about how my IRL looks or lack of game or whatever always seem to affect my outcomes in the real world. In the game I'm strong and not to be fucked with, and people are impressed.
I've always felt that the whole legion of little skyrim fan boys (and fan girls) fapping to completion over Serana the iconic dreamy vampire chick, and posting about it online, and modding the game so they can fuck/marry her, and even making fan art about her, was cringe as fuck.
She's CLEARLY a character written and scripted to appeal to the lovelorn younger audience, by people who know exactly what they're doing.
And I'm of an age where she always seemed more like a teenaged niece I'm helping out with something, rather than a potential love interest to me. The sass. The constant bitching about the weather. There's just so clearly nothing for boring ugly old me there. It's all too real.
ANYWAY... for my latest new run (Dunmer, spellsword, did thieves' Guild and college of winterhold concurrently, then dark brotherhood, then Dawnguard, then the main quest in a kind of lost-young-villain-to-hero arc) I decided to cut a LOT of mods I wasn't really getting much out of, to try to clear some performance issues and bugs.
But then, like any visit to the creation/mod store, I ended up adding a couple of new things to try too. One of which promised to re-vamp Serana's dialogue, and boasted all sorts of mod community awards, etc etc.
Great, I thought, maybe I will be able to do the vampire hunter dlc without constant bitching about the weather, bitching about being in caves, bitching about being outdoors, etc etc from this annoying teenager who uses you as a kind of emotional tampon when it suits her and is then just cold and short and distant the rest of the time.
So, with all of that being the background...
I swear it came as a complete surprise to me, when, halfway through the vampire hunter DLC questline, cute sexy vampire chick suggests we go to the inn in the current town and just hang. And then, while we're doing that, she confessed that she loved my character and wanted to fuck my character.
That really hit like a ton of bricks. Of course it's a video game and none of it is real. But it was well written and well voiced and it felt as real as good film or TV does. It was impossible to stick to my old guns [Serana is ridiculous and only fit for pathetic teenagers] and it was impossible not to go along with it. It felt good.
And more to the point, it completely changed the feel of the whole game. Yes I know skyrim is very simplified and dumbed down compared to [insert your preferred much better combat game with elves, wizards, swords & armor and shit here] ... but it has succeeded massively as what it purports to be: immersive escapism for people who want to be a lone wolf, surviving and fighting to change the world in a beautiful but cold, gritty and hostile fantasy world, in a fairly lonely story where you have a bunch of people you work with but nobody really lets you get close.
(Which is probably why it feels so right to me tbh.)
This mod shit with Serana the sexy vampire girl, relegates all of that to background noise, and the game becomes first and foremost a girlfriend simulator. You keep working on fighting the dragons and saving the world, but what really matters is sharing it all with your new Girlfriend and figuring out how that works. And all along the way receiving constant support and affirmation from someone who just decided you are pretty great and she wants you.
That was a real wow moment for me. I guess a lot of people get to experience that for real, in their real lives? I guess this must be what it's like? At the centre of your life you have this beautiful, positive and affirming thing that makes all of the hard stuff easier? And all you had to do, was just be yourself, and someone fell in love with you for who you are. Must be a great feeling. It would be pretty cool to have that.
Big feelings from a mainstream video game with millions of copies sold...
Some may be aware that I'm a big Skyrim tragic. I've been playing it over and over again, for years. A few times I've lost interest and put it away for a couple of months and watched TV instead. But then an idea for a new run comes to me, and I'll be right back there on the cart to Helgen again.
I unapologetically, fucking love that shit. It's escapism to a kind of high fantasy paradise where my inceldom doesn't matter, because I can go anywhere and do anything and forget about how my IRL looks or lack of game or whatever always seem to affect my outcomes in the real world. In the game I'm strong and not to be fucked with, and people are impressed.
I've always felt that the whole legion of little skyrim fan boys (and fan girls) fapping to completion over Serana the iconic dreamy vampire chick, and posting about it online, and modding the game so they can fuck/marry her, and even making fan art about her, was cringe as fuck.
She's CLEARLY a character written and scripted to appeal to the lovelorn younger audience, by people who know exactly what they're doing.
And I'm of an age where she always seemed more like a teenaged niece I'm helping out with something, rather than a potential love interest to me. The sass. The constant bitching about the weather. There's just so clearly nothing for boring ugly old me there. It's all too real.
ANYWAY... for my latest new run (Dunmer, spellsword, did thieves' Guild and college of winterhold concurrently, then dark brotherhood, then Dawnguard, then the main quest in a kind of lost-young-villain-to-hero arc) I decided to cut a LOT of mods I wasn't really getting much out of, to try to clear some performance issues and bugs.
But then, like any visit to the creation/mod store, I ended up adding a couple of new things to try too. One of which promised to re-vamp Serana's dialogue, and boasted all sorts of mod community awards, etc etc.
Great, I thought, maybe I will be able to do the vampire hunter dlc without constant bitching about the weather, bitching about being in caves, bitching about being outdoors, etc etc from this annoying teenager who uses you as a kind of emotional tampon when it suits her and is then just cold and short and distant the rest of the time.
So, with all of that being the background...
I swear it came as a complete surprise to me, when, halfway through the vampire hunter DLC questline, cute sexy vampire chick suggests we go to the inn in the current town and just hang. And then, while we're doing that, she confessed that she loved my character and wanted to fuck my character.
That really hit like a ton of bricks. Of course it's a video game and none of it is real. But it was well written and well voiced and it felt as real as good film or TV does. It was impossible to stick to my old guns [Serana is ridiculous and only fit for pathetic teenagers] and it was impossible not to go along with it. It felt good.
And more to the point, it completely changed the feel of the whole game. Yes I know skyrim is very simplified and dumbed down compared to [insert your preferred much better combat game with elves, wizards, swords & armor and shit here] ... but it has succeeded massively as what it purports to be: immersive escapism for people who want to be a lone wolf, surviving and fighting to change the world in a beautiful but cold, gritty and hostile fantasy world, in a fairly lonely story where you have a bunch of people you work with but nobody really lets you get close.
(Which is probably why it feels so right to me tbh.)
This mod shit with Serana the sexy vampire girl, relegates all of that to background noise, and the game becomes first and foremost a girlfriend simulator. You keep working on fighting the dragons and saving the world, but what really matters is sharing it all with your new Girlfriend and figuring out how that works. And all along the way receiving constant support and affirmation from someone who just decided you are pretty great and she wants you.
That was a real wow moment for me. I guess a lot of people get to experience that for real, in their real lives? I guess this must be what it's like? At the centre of your life you have this beautiful, positive and affirming thing that makes all of the hard stuff easier? And all you had to do, was just be yourself, and someone fell in love with you for who you are. Must be a great feeling. It would be pretty cool to have that.
Big feelings from a mainstream video game with millions of copies sold...
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