You know, I don't think I did. Not really.
I was scared of boys in high school and the ones I developed crushes on were always much more sophisticated than I was (read: Chad). More than that - at some point you understand what people like in partners - what sorts of faces, body types, their talents, personalities, opportunities to grow. People with lots of friends, cool jobs, that live in a world of open doors for experiences? They're fun. I knew. I knew probably from age 11, there are sophisticated girls and mean girls and cute girls and aggressive girls and pretty white girls and people who think they can share themselves with others easily and get positive responses - then there was me.
People like me? Mostly I'm just uncomfortable even when I'm technically enjoying myself.
I've never really felt like I was good enough for my own friends or people in my age group, particularly in mixed gender settings.
