i always fantasized about suicide and dying pretty much everyday since my early teens,
but now since im blackpilled and spend 0 time chasing or interacting with women i feel much better.
i get also antidepressants and anti anxiety medication,
with those im actually motivated to do my hobbies that i love.
might sound stupid but my dream and goal is to becomme a really good fortnite player (i even take less drugs as to play better)
i practice everyday one hour before i even go into a solo, just grinding creative and edit and aim practices.
so i actually dont want to die, i want to live and play more fortnite, do more sports and music and shit, i just wish i wouldn have to work everyday, all day, this depresses me so much and when im at work i just want to kill and die, kill everyone or kill myself or get killed by a random chance,
but as soon as im home im better and have fun most of the time, just the prison of work fucks me and the amount of time i have to surrender just to live comfortably sometimes makes me want to kill myself