SuicideFuel Truecel Trait: Intense melancholy after family visits

[IncelsNeverCry]

Something I have noticed for some time now is whenever my full family is gathered, mom, dad brother and me in a room and interacting I am always struck with melancholy afterwards. As today when I had them over for coffe and cake at my apartment we were chatting like usual, they were giving me little jabs as usual, and I thought to myself "These people, my family, are talking to each other like friends but with me as a son and nothing more, if we weren't family they would dislike me or at least look down on me more then they already are."

So I guess the final pill to swallow for me is that even my family is only dutybound to me with no real love or affection, not that I didn't know this based on previous life experience growing up but it never hit me as hard as it did today, the way they look and speak to and with my brother who is a true chad without any copes, clothes, fancy haircut etc is completely different from with me, they laugh with each other but laugh at me, I guess I only truly have grandma on my side, it kind of sucked realizing this maybe oldercels can relate to the gradual estrangement of family over the years.

 

[Jedi Master Cock ru]

Bro yes. I get it for a few weeks whenever I see them. Did not know anyone else experienced this

 

[IncelsNeverCry]

Bro yes. I get it for a few weeks whenever I see them. Did not know anyone else experienced this

I think i'll get some vodka just for after family visits since i'm all out of copes at the moment, I guess it speaks more about our families then ourselves I would say.

 

[Psychcel]

I think i'll get some vodka just for after family visits

 

[Jedi Master Cock ru]

I think i'll get some vodka just for after family visits since i'm all out of copes at the moment, I guess it speaks more about our families then ourselves I would say.

I don’t know man. I haven’t figured out a good cope for recovering from family dynamics… I kind of just get really down until it fades away. I have been working on this for years.

I agree it says more about our families than us, especially the role they see us in.

 

[IceStorm]

Ok

 

[IncelsNeverCry]

Ok

Either give a proper answer or say nothing untermensch

 

[IceStorm]

Either give a proper answer or say nothing untermensch

Ubermensch*

 

[IncelsNeverCry]

Ubermensch*

Opaficker*

 

[candida]

This has nothing to do with how sexually attractive you are

 

[IncelsNeverCry]

I regret making this shitty thread

 

[eatdinner]

I feel like this with my mother. My mother looks down on me and loves her boyfriend more than me. This heavily impacted my childhood.

My father on the other hand more of a friend even though he is an oldhead. My father told me I was his only friend. When he passes I might actually rope.

 

[Intellau_Celistic]

Understood.

When I was in my early teens, my father would constantly denigrate my autistic traits. He would often tell me,

"Why are you so shameful all the time?" (I was anxious and kept my head down in public)

"We're going to grandma's house, hurry up!"(He wanted to make himself seem like an excellent father by showing her his son)

"You're moving so slowly"(He would hit me; I was sluggish from ASD/trauma)

"Your cousins are better than you!" (Again, anxiety and depression)

"I'm saying this to be kind. Don't anger me." (If I was struggling to go inside a store due to anxiety)

I once had Pyelonephritis and was fairly weak from it to the point of needing to stay home when my father wanted to visit a store. My father, instead of asking me if I took my prescribed antibiotics, simply told me, "Hurry up, let's go see grandma". He then asked Grandma to patronize me for my "disobedience".

Yes.

My maternal half-cousins and half-aunt would chat with my step-grandfather about myself and Mother living elsewhere. (I heard their conversations often)

"She never does any housework" (Objectively false. I have other problems with her, however...)

"They're leeching from us" (I never asked them for food or even clothing. I very rarely spoke to them.)

He would get upset when Mother would ask him to pick up our prescriptions from stores. He'd also get upset when Mother asked to visit grocery stores. This is despite taking my half-relatives to stores/fast food restaurants multiple times weekly. Medical appointments as well(When medical transportation wasn't an option).

My half-aunt's lovely statements:

"[Mother] sits around all day"

"I thought [Mother] said they had no food" (Me and Mother relied on food pantry boxes/SNAP)

"[Intellau] will tell his mother if we bully him" (Maternal half-cousins; they abused my younger half-cousin somewhat since she was reluctant to do so.)

As a child, my half-aunt would patronize me for my autistic behavior. She would criticize my sluggish movements and depressed demeanor. "Hurry up [Intellau]!" - I also had social cue problems and misunderstood instructions from her.

They are kleptomaniacs; they would take portions of our food home after "visiting".

Lastly:

"(I never asked them for food or even clothing. I very rarely spoke to them.)"

Indeed. I was very grateful when my grandmother stopped giving me meals at the age of seventeen due to her view of me as an ingrate. She often said "[Intellau] was born with a silver spoon in his mouth" because I was anxious and struggling to help her with house tasks due to my NLD(I would help them with laundry, unpacking groceries, washing dishes, fetching items they needed, ...).

Yes; my father would regularly batter Mother and break things. When angry, Mother would grab my stimming objects and shake them in my face while tightly grasping my neck.

Mother moved into a separate apartment and stayed with relatives, at times. We also had to live with my paternal grandparents.

My grandmother would often ask me to do things for her. I obediently tried to follow her instructions and received denigration as a result. She would yell at me and say things like "Look! Use your eyes!"(Because I was anxious and had visual processing issues), "Did you hear me!?! That isn't the way I told you to do it!"(When I would drop things or make mistakes because I was sweating and anxious out of fear of upsetting her). She would tell me "Put your head up. No one did anything to you" because I was too anxious to make eye contact with her.