SuicideFuel Too high self-worth to kill myself

[TheGoodGuy]

I have extremely high self-worth it would probably be classified as some form of narcissism, but despite my high self-worth I actually have extreme low confidence that could resemble a young teenager or tween.

I am extremely suicidal and for good reasons I suffer from over a dozen physical and mental problems but because I have so high self-worth and feel better than everyone else because of my 'awoken mind' and my mind won´t let me die. I see myself as a philosopher and have even written a 310 Journal about the world as I see it through my awoken mind I can´t even go for a walk without analyzing everything i.e. the asphalt on the road or sidewalks is a by product from gasoline used in cars from oil production which is mined from the carcass of the Earth and even results in deforstation as a result, the same with the steel light poles the metal is mined from the Earth creating the same devastating results and on my walk I will see houses or factories i.e. man-made structures the human species is a virus like a cancerous tumor and just like us humans who are made up of trillions of cells to create one individual so is humanity with billions of people that creates the tumor on the planet Earth.

I assume this thread will get a lot of hate since it´s not a positive trait to be a narcissist but I hope maybe just 1 person feels the same dilemma in feeling so high self-worth that they can´t kill themselves because they feel they are too important at least to me it would be comforting to know I am not alone in feeling this way.

 

[Deleted member 22999]

I have a mental superiority complex and a physical inferiority complex I relate tbh

 

[Animecel2D]

thats very paradoxical tbh

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I have a mental superiority complex and a physical inferiority complex I relate tbh

This is exactly my problem I know I have a superior mind not academically but in how I see the world as it really is but I know how inferior my body is. And in case if interested I just posted this message below on another website as an answer to another person.


The response
"They say pride comes before the fall - you might be in luck. Maybe you need to get to the point where you truly believe you have the most awoken mind on the planet first. Better still, you are the most important person that's ever lived. I'm sure you can get there. Really ramp it up to test the waters."

my answer
"If it wasn´t for my physical and mental problems (mostly physical) I would most likely believe it to be true but I know that my body is inferior to others but my mind is superior to others not academically but in the world I can see the real world to use a metaphor it´s like from the movie the Matrix where I can see the code the 1´s and 0´s I see the world as it actually is which also brings me immense suffering while others are blissfully ignorant and to use a quote from the movie "ignorance is bliss" no truer words exist. I was extremely happy as a child mainly because of my blissfull ignorance about everything, I didn´t think about how the stuff we use in everyday life came from I didn´t think the hamburger from my happy meal from Mc Donalds was from cows who live in horrible conditions and get bred just to die so we can consume them.

I also had a ton of friends, no physical or mental problems and my magnificent imagination and curiousity for the world, everyone is exciting and new as a child but as you get older life gets boring it´s like having played the same game thousands of times it simply isn´t fun anymore and that is where apathy and anhedonia sets in I see my existence as a game I have completed 100% and am just stuck in existence, notice I use that word "existence" because I don´t live I simply just exist give my body sustanance, sleep and everything essential to staying "alive" but I simple isn´t."

 

[Deleted member 22999]

This is exactly my problem I know I have a superior mind not academically but in how I see the world as it really is but I know how inferior my body is. And in case if interested I just posted this message below on another website as an answer to another person.


The response
"They say pride comes before the fall - you might be in luck. Maybe you need to get to the point where you truly believe you have the most awoken mind on the planet first. Better still, you are the most important person that's ever lived. I'm sure you can get there. Really ramp it up to test the waters."

my answer
"If it wasn´t for my physical and mental problems (mostly physical) I would most likely believe it to be true but I know that my body is inferior to others but my mind is superior to others not academically but in the world I can see the real world to use a metaphor it´s like from the movie the Matrix where I can see the code the 1´s and 0´s I see the world as it actually is which also brings me immense suffering while others are blissfully ignorant and to use a quote from the movie "ignorance is bliss" no truer words exist. I was extremely happy as a child mainly because of my blissfull ignorance about everything, I didn´t think about how the stuff we use in everyday life came from I didn´t think the hamburger from my happy meal from Mc Donalds was from cows who live in horrible conditions and get bred just to die so we can consume them.

I also had a ton of friends, no physical or mental problems and my magnificent imagination and curiousity for the world, everyone is exciting and new as a child but as you get older life gets boring it´s like having played the same game thousands of times it simply isn´t fun anymore and that is where apathy and anhedonia sets in I see my existence as a game I have completed 100% and am just stuck in existence, notice I use that word "existence" because I don´t live I simply just exist give my body sustanance, sleep and everything essential to staying "alive" but I simple isn´t."

The game analogy makes a lot of sense to me. I know that exact feeling since I’ve played a lot of games. And I understand that feeling of there just being nothing else to do. You’re just stuck here.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

The game analogy makes a lot of sense to me. I know that exact feeling since I’ve played a lot of games. And I understand that feeling of there just being nothing else to do. You’re just stuck here.

It´s like an open world game e.g. GTA V there is nothing more to do and we have experienced everything so we are just running or driving around with no objective untill finally you 'exit' the game because there is no more fun in it i.e. also an analogy for exiting life.

 

[Deleted member 22999]

It´s like an open world game e.g. GTA V there is nothing more to do and we have experienced everything so we are just running or driving around with no objective untill finally you 'exit' the game because there is no more fun in it i.e. also an analogy for exiting life.

At least I’m still in school so I have clear objectives, tedious as they may be (get good grades etc). Idk what I’ll do as an adult. No idea

 

[TheGoodGuy]

At least I’m still in school so I have clear objectives, tedious as they may be (get good grades etc). Idk what I’ll do as an adult. No idea

I have an extremely nihilistic view of the world so having a wife, kids, education and a job is nothing I desire I find it meaningless we are most likely on a planet; a watery speck of dust floating through space in a universe bigger than anyone can comprehend so even if our entire planet exploded it really wouldn´t matter, the more you zoom out the more you realize how insignificant everything is or life could be a simulation which I have discussed before and makes everything just as insignificant, nothing really matters even the thing we call love is just chemicals in our brain that makes us feel an emotional connected to another being and so with every other "happy" feelings it´s just chemicals there isn´t any mystery in life anymore I know everything.

Ignorance is truly bliss the less you know the more happier you´ll be like being an ignorant naive child there was so much mystery and magic and life but after discovering reality as it is there is no more fun in life it isn´t even life it´s plainly just existence I exist every day by providing my body with sustanance, sleep etc. just to be "alive" but in reality all I do is exist.

 

[Deleted member 21514]

Maybe u have covert narcissism, i watched a video the other day about that

 

[unsettling]

i have a very low self esteem but i still think of myself as holding some sort of potential, the temporarily embarrassed millionaire mentality is pretty much the only thing keeping me going in life.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Maybe u have covert narcissism, i watched a video the other day about that

Ironically I did the same yesterday about the different kinds of narcissism and I think the covert narcissim seems to be right on me.

 

[IamJacksBrokenHeart]

i have a very low self esteem but i still think of myself as holding some sort of potential, the temporarily embarrassed millionaire mentality is pretty much the only thing keeping me going in life.

thats just your brain trying to keep you from ropeing .

 

[unsettling]

thats just your brain trying to keep you from ropeing .

yeah

 

[ItsOver4cel]

thats just your brain trying to keep you from ropeing .

This

 

[Numb]

I dont want to kms cos of after death tbh

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I dont want to kms cos of after death tbh

Why? Everyone will die eventually even you it´s ineviteable and you most likely will just seize to exist the closest to this would be if you have ever been under anesthesia you brain has basically shut down you don´t dream or have any perfection of time you just suddently wake up that is most likely how death is except you don´t wake up OR we could be in a simulation and there are so many theories about that you could look up I could even send you a dozen links to videos and articles if you like.

 

[Numb]

Everyone will die eventually even you it´s ineviteable

may as well wait until it happens then

 

[TheGoodGuy]

may as well wait until it happens then

Why? A "natural" death will most likely be painfull like a stroke, heart attack etc. while you could end it peacefully itself that is if you are currently suffering from existence.

 

[Numb]

Why? A "natural" death will most likely be painfull like a stroke, heart attack etc. while you could end it peacefully itself that is if you are currently suffering from existence.

"Peaceful suicide" doesnt exist tbh

 

[TheGoodGuy]

"Peaceful suicide" doesnt exist tbh

Holy fuck are you so ignorant? There are many forms of suicide you cut jump in front of a train and explode or cut in half and dying slowly, drowning, be stupid enough to put a shotgun under the chin with a 90 degree angle and just shoot your face off or you could shoot yourself in the brain, overdose on opiates or train decapitate etc. so YES it exist just do some research.

 

[Numb]

Holy fuck are you so ignorant? There are many forms of suicide you cut jump in front of a train and explode or cut in half and dying slowly, drowning, be stupid enough to put a shotgun under the chin with a 90 degree angle and just shoot your face off or you could shoot yourself in the brain, overdose on opiates or train decapitate etc. so YES it exist just do some research.

You're fucking retarded lmfao opiates only have a certain chance and "drowning slowly" are you fucking dumb

 

[TheGoodGuy]

You're fucking retarded lmfao opiates only have a certain chance and "drowning slowly" are you fucking dumb

Drowning was an example of a slow agonizing death.

There are so many examples of people overdosing and dying peacefully on heroin meaning they go unconcious and die. If you have no tolerance to opiates and inject 2 grams of heroin how much would you bet that I would survive? Would you be 100% certain I would survive and bet all the money and things you own?

 

[Numb]

people overdosing and dying peacefully on heroin meaning they go unconcious and die.

No bro dont do it like this

 

[TheGoodGuy]

No bro dont do it like this

I won´t my prefered method of suicide would be partial hanging and another method I won´t disclose here and I have done enough research including watching many videos of partial hanging to know how painless it is I can even give you links if you are interested.

 

[Numb]

partial hanging

 

[Yerberito]

Im to pussy to do that

 

[Numb]

Too scared to do it tbh

Im to pussy to do that

 

[Yerberito]

Too scared to do it tbh

also this

 

[I.N.C.E.L.S. Boss]

Death will come eventually, why the rush