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A while ago, hoping against hope, I registered a profile on Tinder. I put up a recent photo of myself, knowing full well that the photo would probably discourage a lot of women from swiping right. I was right. Let's put it this way: I only managed to get a reaction from less than 10 of the hundreds of women I swiped right on, and I went on a sum total of 3 dates. This was over a period of six months.
Date 1: Her photo was at least 10 years out of date. Saggy titties, wrinkles, the works. Almost the first words out of her mouth to me: "You don't look like your photo." (Really? Your own photo was probably taken in 1988 when your boobs didn't hang down to your navel!) "Remembered" she had an urgent appointment to go to, 5 minutes into the date. Natch.
Date 2: Should'a known that if her pics showed only her face, the body wasn't great. Let me rephrase that: if she was 2 inches taller, she'd have been round. Nevertheless, the entitlement mentality was strong with this one. Spent the entire date telling me how many guys wanted her body. I thought to myself that I didn't know there were so many visually impaired guys on Tinder. I was, however, below her league, in her own mind, and she told me as much.
Date3: Thought she had an OK face, but once again I didn't learn. Thighs the size of tree trunks, wobbly belly hanging over her too straining, gigantic pants. Told me I was too old for her, which was mystifying, given that we're the same goddamn age!!!
Lesson learnt: Pretty, slim attractive women won't even bother responding on Tinder. If, miracle of miracles, you do get a reply, it means that there's something wrong with them - hamplanets, ugly, saggy etc. But, and this is the worst bit. Their obesity and swampdonkey appearance do not in the least bit deter them from having massively inflated opinions of their immense sexual market value. She may be a fat 2 or 3 out of ten, but she still imagines she is entitled to a guy who's a 9 or a 10.
Date 1: Her photo was at least 10 years out of date. Saggy titties, wrinkles, the works. Almost the first words out of her mouth to me: "You don't look like your photo." (Really? Your own photo was probably taken in 1988 when your boobs didn't hang down to your navel!) "Remembered" she had an urgent appointment to go to, 5 minutes into the date. Natch.
Date 2: Should'a known that if her pics showed only her face, the body wasn't great. Let me rephrase that: if she was 2 inches taller, she'd have been round. Nevertheless, the entitlement mentality was strong with this one. Spent the entire date telling me how many guys wanted her body. I thought to myself that I didn't know there were so many visually impaired guys on Tinder. I was, however, below her league, in her own mind, and she told me as much.
Date3: Thought she had an OK face, but once again I didn't learn. Thighs the size of tree trunks, wobbly belly hanging over her too straining, gigantic pants. Told me I was too old for her, which was mystifying, given that we're the same goddamn age!!!
Lesson learnt: Pretty, slim attractive women won't even bother responding on Tinder. If, miracle of miracles, you do get a reply, it means that there's something wrong with them - hamplanets, ugly, saggy etc. But, and this is the worst bit. Their obesity and swampdonkey appearance do not in the least bit deter them from having massively inflated opinions of their immense sexual market value. She may be a fat 2 or 3 out of ten, but she still imagines she is entitled to a guy who's a 9 or a 10.
