(I documented quite a bit of this which is why I still have a good memory of it)
For context, I sat next to a tall, chubby and uglier girl in my first semester of high school. I'm not sure what I liked about her, but one day she was out of class and I realized I was missing her despite the fact that me and her weren't even friends, and we had only talked a few times. After this I began to write about her in a text document on my PC (that I still have) and began to have fantasies of her abusing and starving me. I saw some "hidden beauty" in her and whenever I saw her in the wild my feelings for her came back.
She moved after that semester but I still retained my feelings for her, still fantasised about her, and had an entire made-up world where I was essentially a dog in her capacity that I would jack off to almost every night. I never really let go of her and would still think like this for a couple years, but I knew it wouldn't happen, especially because she didn't know me and we barely talked.
The actual story is from my end of Freshman year in high school, when I played percussion with the band. I was a relatively skinny and tall kid at the time (23.5-24 bmi and 5'11) and we were playing at the graduation ceremony. She wasn't graduating because she left, but she still showed up to (presumably) catch up with friends. Her stomach was outlined through her dress and she dyed her hair red, I recognized her from a distance and took any chance I got to stare at her.
I told a female friend that was also in band about my feelings for her, to which she instantly shot me down, and said that this girl was a "baddie" and was "way out of my league". This pissed me off because I wasn't ugly or anything, at most I was weird and autistic. I began to defend myself, but let it go because it wasn't worth it. I went home that night, both upset that I had gotten shot down like this, and joyous that I had even seen this girl after so long. This is when I began to see the tribalism of women and how they will worship each other no matter what, while simultaneously shooting down men and their confidence.
Fuck this worship of women.
For context, I sat next to a tall, chubby and uglier girl in my first semester of high school. I'm not sure what I liked about her, but one day she was out of class and I realized I was missing her despite the fact that me and her weren't even friends, and we had only talked a few times. After this I began to write about her in a text document on my PC (that I still have) and began to have fantasies of her abusing and starving me. I saw some "hidden beauty" in her and whenever I saw her in the wild my feelings for her came back.
She moved after that semester but I still retained my feelings for her, still fantasised about her, and had an entire made-up world where I was essentially a dog in her capacity that I would jack off to almost every night. I never really let go of her and would still think like this for a couple years, but I knew it wouldn't happen, especially because she didn't know me and we barely talked.
The actual story is from my end of Freshman year in high school, when I played percussion with the band. I was a relatively skinny and tall kid at the time (23.5-24 bmi and 5'11) and we were playing at the graduation ceremony. She wasn't graduating because she left, but she still showed up to (presumably) catch up with friends. Her stomach was outlined through her dress and she dyed her hair red, I recognized her from a distance and took any chance I got to stare at her.
I told a female friend that was also in band about my feelings for her, to which she instantly shot me down, and said that this girl was a "baddie" and was "way out of my league". This pissed me off because I wasn't ugly or anything, at most I was weird and autistic. I began to defend myself, but let it go because it wasn't worth it. I went home that night, both upset that I had gotten shot down like this, and joyous that I had even seen this girl after so long. This is when I began to see the tribalism of women and how they will worship each other no matter what, while simultaneously shooting down men and their confidence.
Fuck this worship of women.
