just tired of this world, i don't even care if i could fixs or destroy it, i just don't want to be a part of it anymore, i don't believe on afterlife, but at this point i just want this pain to stop.
i feel like everybody is moving with their lives, being happy, sad, angry or experience whatever human emotion meanwhile i only feel loneliness and grief, everyday i go out and i see happy people and realise i will never be like them, i feel i was just born wrong, i just can't fit with the rest of the world, like i'm a defective brick that can't do his only function of building a wall.
sometimes i think this world is hell, but it's only me, only my life is being this hellish torment of angry, sadness and pain, this hell where nobody is willingly to rub my back and tell me "at least you tried, but you can do better next time"
i just wanted to fit, but the more i try, more people hate me, the more i tell someone my issues,more this person laugh at my face, the more i open with someone, the more they are disgusted at me, it's like when you try to heal a wound it's only get deeper and more infectionated, as i try to stitch them they became more open and ugly.
sometimes i think this world is becoming crazier and not making sense anymore, but maybe it's me that only watched the shadows on the wall of what reality was really like through plastic in front of me, and i wasn't ready to see how it truly was, i only see a pity of endless hatred in front of me, as the ones who claim love to all end up being the biggest haters of all.
as people who i wanted to help, hate me for not being what they need, i start becoming each more desperate for affection, as little child trying to get attention from their never present parents, that shown them the best drawing they could made, but i wasn't simply not good enough, and had their hopes crushed.
as people who i thought shared my pain also reject me, i grown a shell around me made of ego, hatred and fear, as everyday i became more of a husk of my former self, as i try to crawl around trying to put my own pieces together, and trying to be a human again, as i crumble realizing i have nothing to offer to the world, as i bargain why it should care about me.
there is something deeply wrong with me, i just can't understand what it is.
for the good people of this forum are pretty much the only people on this entire world, that accepted me for me, no mask, no excuses, just the autistic ugly me, and i want to say thank you for the fun and comfort boyos.
i feel like everybody is moving with their lives, being happy, sad, angry or experience whatever human emotion meanwhile i only feel loneliness and grief, everyday i go out and i see happy people and realise i will never be like them, i feel i was just born wrong, i just can't fit with the rest of the world, like i'm a defective brick that can't do his only function of building a wall.
sometimes i think this world is hell, but it's only me, only my life is being this hellish torment of angry, sadness and pain, this hell where nobody is willingly to rub my back and tell me "at least you tried, but you can do better next time"
i just wanted to fit, but the more i try, more people hate me, the more i tell someone my issues,more this person laugh at my face, the more i open with someone, the more they are disgusted at me, it's like when you try to heal a wound it's only get deeper and more infectionated, as i try to stitch them they became more open and ugly.
sometimes i think this world is becoming crazier and not making sense anymore, but maybe it's me that only watched the shadows on the wall of what reality was really like through plastic in front of me, and i wasn't ready to see how it truly was, i only see a pity of endless hatred in front of me, as the ones who claim love to all end up being the biggest haters of all.
as people who i wanted to help, hate me for not being what they need, i start becoming each more desperate for affection, as little child trying to get attention from their never present parents, that shown them the best drawing they could made, but i wasn't simply not good enough, and had their hopes crushed.
as people who i thought shared my pain also reject me, i grown a shell around me made of ego, hatred and fear, as everyday i became more of a husk of my former self, as i try to crawl around trying to put my own pieces together, and trying to be a human again, as i crumble realizing i have nothing to offer to the world, as i bargain why it should care about me.
there is something deeply wrong with me, i just can't understand what it is.
for the good people of this forum are pretty much the only people on this entire world, that accepted me for me, no mask, no excuses, just the autistic ugly me, and i want to say thank you for the fun and comfort boyos.
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thanks
