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"It gets better after high school!", "In college it will get better!", "Just focus on your education!", "They will appreciate men like you in college!"
In the summer after my high school degree (back then with A levels because I still had dreams) I became gradually more and more depressed; back then I occasionally lurked here, but still wanted to give college a try (because I still wanted to believe in that boomer myth and because I also shed 50% of my body weight and thought that this was an enormous increase of my SMV along with the gymmaxxing and better hygiene).
In the end I attended one party, there I saw a girl which I mogged of the same age as me that talked about her favorite sex plays (and that she had anal sex >15 times), for me it was brutal; I never perceived girls as such entirely sexual beings due to bluepilled lies of boomers that painted them as angels. I also never even held the hands of a girl so imagine how sickening it was to overhear that talk.
The thing is I knew that there warnings on my school for nudes because so many girls sent them to class chads in 8th grade and prior that the principial came into our class to warn them, but I just thought of that as an isolated cases and stupid things with no relevance. This was long before I heard the stories of my friend (who graduated years after me): He told me everything about the drug-fueled house parties and the sex that occured there (he was previously a nerdy-looking man like me, but always IQ/NT-mogged me, then he got a growth spur and is now far over >1,90m - everything while I am 170cm, have a rotten/shitty brain due to lack of formative experience). It was like hearing tales of an entirely different world, because my high school experience was basically learning and studying.
I mostly focused on studying and managed to get good/decent grades although my family structure was falling apart at that point due to many tragedies (mostly work was a form of escapism from the hell that was my life at that point).
On one day I met a girl who shared similiar interests simply by accident and who also shared my diagnosis, but it didn't work out (and btw I saw her basically eyeraping an NT/able-bodied 2m chad). She also said as I talked with her about these interests if I even have a life/nothing better to do and that she likes these topics but would never spend so much time with them (I was "too obsessed" with it, daily reminder that Autism is a joke in females). This was for me the final straw with her.
With the female partners assigned to me on practicals later I was mainly polite (most liked me, but one allegedly trashtalked about me behind my back because I was "too anancastic") and sometimes talked with them because small talk is expected. But nothing romantical/sexual came ouf of it (only exploitation and permanent annoying questions about work stuff that everyone knew beforehand; only few actually had the decency to ask me how I was doing before asking me whether I could help to solve some problems for them). I had some flirting attempts like "How about meeting up in private later?" and/or "Want to grab a coffee after work/in the break?", but I aborted them as I saw the completely disgusted looks on the face of these females.
Nothing worked out. I also started at that time to look at some stuff written by females and realized how they saw me (thanks, r/NiceGuys and r/Neckbeard, there you can see true hate/spite - far more hate than on Stormfront/8kun/The Daily Stormer/etc., this is where I realized that AWALT is the unironical truth) and I also read more and more about "sexual harassment" cases (like the autistic man that was incarcerated for touching the arm of a girl), this was also the moment where I actually began to hate them and I also began to fear them to some degree because I knew that one wrong word could put my work in danger (especially due to also remembering everything these women said to me high school).
I then said that I wanted to focus on my education (which succeeded to some degree because I had decent grades - something one normalfag outwardly envied me for by saying that I have a bright future ahead of me, all while he had a GF, more money/looks/intelligence and was allowed to follow his dreams - all things that matter more than grades for a modern employer), but it is simply not possible anymore.
Due to then having trouble with my only friend I occasionally considered harming myself (this was before the pandemic and I was also even with fever/shakings forced to go to work). One last black pill was the training programme for further applications where they told me about the importance of "personality" (e.g. sports you do/etc.), overseas stays and the value of experiences from various backgrounds (e.g. multiple jobs) - as a man who dilligently worked in only one job his entire life this was for me a final straw and also the moment where I started to stop giving in any effort anymore. Now I am a few weeks away from my graduation and I cannot work on that shit any longer. No motivation, no real interest, no morals anymore, everything just shitty. The only time when I don't think about inceldom is when I am walking/running - while working on my studies I permanently think about it. Women don't become less lookist in college, they only become lookist and classist. Getting a GF is far harder in college than in high school, because you must be even better looking than in high school and rich.
In the summer after my high school degree (back then with A levels because I still had dreams) I became gradually more and more depressed; back then I occasionally lurked here, but still wanted to give college a try (because I still wanted to believe in that boomer myth and because I also shed 50% of my body weight and thought that this was an enormous increase of my SMV along with the gymmaxxing and better hygiene).
In the end I attended one party, there I saw a girl which I mogged of the same age as me that talked about her favorite sex plays (and that she had anal sex >15 times), for me it was brutal; I never perceived girls as such entirely sexual beings due to bluepilled lies of boomers that painted them as angels. I also never even held the hands of a girl so imagine how sickening it was to overhear that talk.
The thing is I knew that there warnings on my school for nudes because so many girls sent them to class chads in 8th grade and prior that the principial came into our class to warn them, but I just thought of that as an isolated cases and stupid things with no relevance. This was long before I heard the stories of my friend (who graduated years after me): He told me everything about the drug-fueled house parties and the sex that occured there (he was previously a nerdy-looking man like me, but always IQ/NT-mogged me, then he got a growth spur and is now far over >1,90m - everything while I am 170cm, have a rotten/shitty brain due to lack of formative experience). It was like hearing tales of an entirely different world, because my high school experience was basically learning and studying.
I mostly focused on studying and managed to get good/decent grades although my family structure was falling apart at that point due to many tragedies (mostly work was a form of escapism from the hell that was my life at that point).
On one day I met a girl who shared similiar interests simply by accident and who also shared my diagnosis, but it didn't work out (and btw I saw her basically eyeraping an NT/able-bodied 2m chad). She also said as I talked with her about these interests if I even have a life/nothing better to do and that she likes these topics but would never spend so much time with them (I was "too obsessed" with it, daily reminder that Autism is a joke in females). This was for me the final straw with her.
With the female partners assigned to me on practicals later I was mainly polite (most liked me, but one allegedly trashtalked about me behind my back because I was "too anancastic") and sometimes talked with them because small talk is expected. But nothing romantical/sexual came ouf of it (only exploitation and permanent annoying questions about work stuff that everyone knew beforehand; only few actually had the decency to ask me how I was doing before asking me whether I could help to solve some problems for them). I had some flirting attempts like "How about meeting up in private later?" and/or "Want to grab a coffee after work/in the break?", but I aborted them as I saw the completely disgusted looks on the face of these females.
Nothing worked out. I also started at that time to look at some stuff written by females and realized how they saw me (thanks, r/NiceGuys and r/Neckbeard, there you can see true hate/spite - far more hate than on Stormfront/8kun/The Daily Stormer/etc., this is where I realized that AWALT is the unironical truth) and I also read more and more about "sexual harassment" cases (like the autistic man that was incarcerated for touching the arm of a girl), this was also the moment where I actually began to hate them and I also began to fear them to some degree because I knew that one wrong word could put my work in danger (especially due to also remembering everything these women said to me high school).
I then said that I wanted to focus on my education (which succeeded to some degree because I had decent grades - something one normalfag outwardly envied me for by saying that I have a bright future ahead of me, all while he had a GF, more money/looks/intelligence and was allowed to follow his dreams - all things that matter more than grades for a modern employer), but it is simply not possible anymore.
Due to then having trouble with my only friend I occasionally considered harming myself (this was before the pandemic and I was also even with fever/shakings forced to go to work). One last black pill was the training programme for further applications where they told me about the importance of "personality" (e.g. sports you do/etc.), overseas stays and the value of experiences from various backgrounds (e.g. multiple jobs) - as a man who dilligently worked in only one job his entire life this was for me a final straw and also the moment where I started to stop giving in any effort anymore. Now I am a few weeks away from my graduation and I cannot work on that shit any longer. No motivation, no real interest, no morals anymore, everything just shitty. The only time when I don't think about inceldom is when I am walking/running - while working on my studies I permanently think about it. Women don't become less lookist in college, they only become lookist and classist. Getting a GF is far harder in college than in high school, because you must be even better looking than in high school and rich.
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