I remember being a stupid young kid - I'm still young but boy have things changed.
When I was younger, actually even up until just 2 years ago, I used to feel so magical.
My childhood was rotten shit, I've suffered and it was horrible, but I still had hope and dreams.
I remember watching animes that would make me cry and make me actually deeply broken on a personal level, so much so that for entire weeks after finishing the anime I would still be emotionally affected by this. I used to find the rain magical, the smell of the wet soil after a rainy night, and other things - Just wonderful.
I used to picture this perfect waifu girlfriend in my head that SOMEDAY I would have.
Time went by, and in contrast to the outer reality that surrounded me my inner reality became more dull, boring, pointless. I was more mentally stable, but I couldn't enjoy things as much as I used to. The world began to seem boring and pointless.
Obviously my perfect waifu gf dream hasn't come true, other dreams haven't come true either. I am a lot better now since I don't suffer as much as I used to, but now I've been suicidal for a long time - I don't actually plan on roping(for now), but I have considered this a serious option, an option that would be viable should reality justify it.
@Zesto reminds me a part of my old self, the young kid that was fool enough to think there'd be anything magical in this foul world. Zesto might have consumed too much soy from all the weeb sushi meals he's been eating for a while now, making himself delusional enough to believe he will find other than this in Japan:
Zesto might be the opposite of me in this aspect, instead of seeing reality for what it is he keeps on believing this:
Is more realistic than this:
Maybe Zesto is right, maybe one should deceive himself into believing this world has places like Japan that could somehow save you.
Maybe it better to be delusional, I don't know to be honest.
I can barely enjoy things. Even when I'm happy I can still remember my existence is most likely a mistake, roping could be a viable option and this world is still filthy for most humans.
Nowadays I just go to work and do nuffin afterwards. Everyday seems pointless and redundant, my physical health is worsening and I feel closer to death than ever before, even closer than in my worst times.
When I was younger, actually even up until just 2 years ago, I used to feel so magical.
My childhood was rotten shit, I've suffered and it was horrible, but I still had hope and dreams.
I remember watching animes that would make me cry and make me actually deeply broken on a personal level, so much so that for entire weeks after finishing the anime I would still be emotionally affected by this. I used to find the rain magical, the smell of the wet soil after a rainy night, and other things - Just wonderful.
I used to picture this perfect waifu girlfriend in my head that SOMEDAY I would have.
Time went by, and in contrast to the outer reality that surrounded me my inner reality became more dull, boring, pointless. I was more mentally stable, but I couldn't enjoy things as much as I used to. The world began to seem boring and pointless.
Obviously my perfect waifu gf dream hasn't come true, other dreams haven't come true either. I am a lot better now since I don't suffer as much as I used to, but now I've been suicidal for a long time - I don't actually plan on roping(for now), but I have considered this a serious option, an option that would be viable should reality justify it.
@Zesto reminds me a part of my old self, the young kid that was fool enough to think there'd be anything magical in this foul world. Zesto might have consumed too much soy from all the weeb sushi meals he's been eating for a while now, making himself delusional enough to believe he will find other than this in Japan:
Zesto might be the opposite of me in this aspect, instead of seeing reality for what it is he keeps on believing this:
Is more realistic than this:
Maybe Zesto is right, maybe one should deceive himself into believing this world has places like Japan that could somehow save you.
Maybe it better to be delusional, I don't know to be honest.
I can barely enjoy things. Even when I'm happy I can still remember my existence is most likely a mistake, roping could be a viable option and this world is still filthy for most humans.
Nowadays I just go to work and do nuffin afterwards. Everyday seems pointless and redundant, my physical health is worsening and I feel closer to death than ever before, even closer than in my worst times.
