I’m black, pretty much. My brother is darker than me. I come from an Afro-Caribbean family, essentially. My mom is straight from the islands, and made a somewhat successful life for her standards out here in the United States.
When I was 10, I was writing my first paper for school, and needed help with it. When I finished, I asked her to review it for me. After she was done, or half-through, she began yelling at me like ive never seen. She then straight up called me the n word with an a a the end, despite herself being black. I remember this moment so much for some reason, next to being burned with boiling water and body slammed as a kid.
My mom also told me around this time that if I kept getting bad grades, despite me being obviously depressed, then I would end up like one of my extended family members who killed themselves right before college. Now that I think of it, I might end up like him.
When my younger brother was in his preteens, my mom told him that he was useless and could go die. My brother has always been a pretty hard crier and took it pretty bad, so I didn’t know how to respond or help him out because nobody ever showed compassion to me, so I don’t know how to show it to anybody else
Fast forward, I’m 16, he’s 14-15 now. We had a physical at the doctor the other day, and they made us take a test about if we were depressed or not. I intentionally checked off the lowest boxes, because I didn’t want to get locked up or interviewed or soemthing. I looked over my brother’s paper because as a bigger brother I am my brother’s keeper, and he checked off the more boxes.. I feel like he’s crying for help but I don’t want to say anything. I almost teared up for like a millisecond typing this lol. But yea. It’s fucking over for me, and probably you too.
Sorry if there’s any typos in this I’ve reached my breaking point I can’t take this shit anymore
When I was 10, I was writing my first paper for school, and needed help with it. When I finished, I asked her to review it for me. After she was done, or half-through, she began yelling at me like ive never seen. She then straight up called me the n word with an a a the end, despite herself being black. I remember this moment so much for some reason, next to being burned with boiling water and body slammed as a kid.
My mom also told me around this time that if I kept getting bad grades, despite me being obviously depressed, then I would end up like one of my extended family members who killed themselves right before college. Now that I think of it, I might end up like him.
When my younger brother was in his preteens, my mom told him that he was useless and could go die. My brother has always been a pretty hard crier and took it pretty bad, so I didn’t know how to respond or help him out because nobody ever showed compassion to me, so I don’t know how to show it to anybody else
Fast forward, I’m 16, he’s 14-15 now. We had a physical at the doctor the other day, and they made us take a test about if we were depressed or not. I intentionally checked off the lowest boxes, because I didn’t want to get locked up or interviewed or soemthing. I looked over my brother’s paper because as a bigger brother I am my brother’s keeper, and he checked off the more boxes.. I feel like he’s crying for help but I don’t want to say anything. I almost teared up for like a millisecond typing this lol. But yea. It’s fucking over for me, and probably you too.
Sorry if there’s any typos in this I’ve reached my breaking point I can’t take this shit anymore
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