Limitcel
Anti-life / "Don't Try" - Bukowki's epitaph
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- Jul 6, 2024
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Existence
This is the truth that we keep deep in our conscience but it is horrifying to know that everything is so indifferent.
So we need to ignore it somehow even though we are unable to deny it, we need to cover it up, the blind leap of trying to make sense of what has no meaning.
And you only take that leap because feelings force you, feelings are essentially just a push that makes you move on a path you were forcibly placed to crawl
And normally the other living beings just keep crawling around this path without purpose but you had the misfortune to ask yourself "why?" and you looked around and saw yourself in darkness... nothing can tell you why, and if they said why you could ask why and so on indefinitely, because essentially nothing ever needed to exist
It's very difficult to feel things the same way after you realize that you only feel things because otherwise there would be no reason to even get out of bed.
The illusion of "help"
But that's a facade, nothing in this world has value in itself, everything can only be measured by feelings
But when you think about them.. feelings have no value in themselves, they are just chemical processes in your brain
All help is an illusion intended to diminish the entire scope of human consciousness in order to just keep crawling without further questioning the "why"
It is trying to suppress human consciousness because perhaps it is like the coccyx or wisdom teeth, traces of evolution that our ancestors needed and that today bring us discomfort.
You didn't need to exist, you didn't need to go through what we call suffering, you didn't need to desire anything, much less deny your desire.What meaning our lives may seem to have is the work of a relatively well-constituted emotional system. As consciousness gives us the sense of being persons, our psychophysiology is responsible for making us into personalities who believe the existential game to be worth playing.
This is the truth that we keep deep in our conscience but it is horrifying to know that everything is so indifferent.
So we need to ignore it somehow even though we are unable to deny it, we need to cover it up, the blind leap of trying to make sense of what has no meaning.
And you only take that leap because feelings force you, feelings are essentially just a push that makes you move on a path you were forcibly placed to crawl
And normally the other living beings just keep crawling around this path without purpose but you had the misfortune to ask yourself "why?" and you looked around and saw yourself in darkness... nothing can tell you why, and if they said why you could ask why and so on indefinitely, because essentially nothing ever needed to exist
What others call depression I call pure consciousness, it is the understanding that everything and even the feelings are just forcing you to stay hereBut whatever family name a given case of depression goes by, it has the same effect: sabotaging the network of emotions that make it seem as if you and your world mean something in some meaningful way
It's very difficult to feel things the same way after you realize that you only feel things because otherwise there would be no reason to even get out of bed.
The illusion of "help"
The illusion of help is based precisely on what the text points out, of trying to force someone to believe that there is something in this world that is worthwhileThis is the great lesson the depressive learns: Nothing in the world is inherently compelling. Whatever may be really “out there” cannot project itself as an affective experience. It is all a vacuous affair with only a chemical prestige. Nothing is either good or bad, desirable or undesirable, or anything else except that it is made so by laboratories inside us producing the emotions on which we live.
But that's a facade, nothing in this world has value in itself, everything can only be measured by feelings
But when you think about them.. feelings have no value in themselves, they are just chemical processes in your brain
All help is an illusion intended to diminish the entire scope of human consciousness in order to just keep crawling without further questioning the "why"
It is trying to suppress human consciousness because perhaps it is like the coccyx or wisdom teeth, traces of evolution that our ancestors needed and that today bring us discomfort.
Individuals may recover from depression. But in that event they had better keep their consciousness of what they went through at heel. Otherwise they might start thinking that being alive is not as all right as they once thought it was when they were being shuttled about by a relatively well-constituted emotional system
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