R
"Projection is a psychological mechanism where humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is habitually intolerant may constantly accuse other people of being intolerant. It incorporates blame shifting."
I think the most common female responses to incels I generally see could be interpreted as blatant projections.
1) You are only incel because you are going for hot models. Lower your standards.
Blatant projection. Obviously, women are the ones who are only going for the "hot models" and most men are swiping right on everything while getting nothing. Women can improve their outcomes by lowering their ridiculous standards. Men usually have no standards at all (or at most it's "no landwhales") and lowering them even further usually doesn't even help. [citation]
2) You just need to shower more and take better care of yourself.
This is actually one of the funniest ones. I never understood why women were so obsessed with our shower routines. Almost all of us have normal shower habits in surveys (except some of the NEETs). So why do women fixate on it? Well it turns out 80% of women don't shower daily, and 33% go up to 3 days without showering. 69% of young woman are so self-conscious of their vaginal odor they have refused sex over it. 89% say they would like to improve their hygiene but they feel they don't have the time. [citation]
3) You just need to go to the gym and stop being fat.
Since most of us on this site aren't fat according to site surveys, this probably doesn't apply to us. But it probably does apply to the average female Redditor. And studies have shown women can increase their messages from men by 90% by simply losing weight. No such powerful association for men with weight exists. [citation]
4) You're incel as an ethnic because you only want white women!
Well actually, the data shows women are far more obsessed with chasing white men than men are with chasing white women. And even women of ethnic races prefer white men by a massive margin. Lots of incel men are swiping on every type of girl. Many ethnic men would prefer a girl of their own race. For my part, ethnic girls don't give me any more of a chance than any other. So again, this is blatantly projection of their own white worship. [citation]
4) You're just incel because you hate women!
First of all this is a logical fallacy. Many incels in site surveys don't hate women. Many still want a girlfriend. Furthermore, in most cases where incels do hate women, we can clearly see they generally did not start that way, but only became hateful after years of abuse and rejection. But this could also possibly be interpreted as projection, as many women are quite vocal about how much they hate short men, approaches by ugly men, and ethnic men on Twitter. They find ugly men "creepier" and are more likely to accuse ugly men of sexual harassment. [citation] They experience increased disgust at simply imagining conversing with ugly men. [citation]
5) You just need to work on your personality and be a better person
Men reward women that have "nice" personalities. Women do not for nice men. I have seen loads of studies where women sexually reward criminals, narcissists, and sociopaths. One study specifically demonstrated male "niceness" was not at all valued by women. So "being a better person" will make a woman more attractive to a man, and they know it's something they need to do. Again, this is a projection that is more relevant to them not us. [citation]
I don't think most of this is truly malicious. I think it comes from a very poor sense of awareness or capacity to imagine what the world would look like for other people. It is like when women say, "Men won't commit because now they have so many options on Tinder." What they really mean is "the top 15% of men" but their mind blanks out what life is like for the other 85% of men.
In every case, they are essentially just taking their own problems or shortcomings that limit them, and assuming those must also be our shortcomings or limitations. It represents an inability to see the world from a different perspective than one's own. By contrast, we look at the world from all perspectives, as that is how understanding can best be reached. Maybe they should take a cue from us and try to think about the bigger picture.
I think the most common female responses to incels I generally see could be interpreted as blatant projections.
1) You are only incel because you are going for hot models. Lower your standards.
Blatant projection. Obviously, women are the ones who are only going for the "hot models" and most men are swiping right on everything while getting nothing. Women can improve their outcomes by lowering their ridiculous standards. Men usually have no standards at all (or at most it's "no landwhales") and lowering them even further usually doesn't even help. [citation]
2) You just need to shower more and take better care of yourself.
This is actually one of the funniest ones. I never understood why women were so obsessed with our shower routines. Almost all of us have normal shower habits in surveys (except some of the NEETs). So why do women fixate on it? Well it turns out 80% of women don't shower daily, and 33% go up to 3 days without showering. 69% of young woman are so self-conscious of their vaginal odor they have refused sex over it. 89% say they would like to improve their hygiene but they feel they don't have the time. [citation]
3) You just need to go to the gym and stop being fat.
Since most of us on this site aren't fat according to site surveys, this probably doesn't apply to us. But it probably does apply to the average female Redditor. And studies have shown women can increase their messages from men by 90% by simply losing weight. No such powerful association for men with weight exists. [citation]
4) You're incel as an ethnic because you only want white women!
Well actually, the data shows women are far more obsessed with chasing white men than men are with chasing white women. And even women of ethnic races prefer white men by a massive margin. Lots of incel men are swiping on every type of girl. Many ethnic men would prefer a girl of their own race. For my part, ethnic girls don't give me any more of a chance than any other. So again, this is blatantly projection of their own white worship. [citation]
4) You're just incel because you hate women!
First of all this is a logical fallacy. Many incels in site surveys don't hate women. Many still want a girlfriend. Furthermore, in most cases where incels do hate women, we can clearly see they generally did not start that way, but only became hateful after years of abuse and rejection. But this could also possibly be interpreted as projection, as many women are quite vocal about how much they hate short men, approaches by ugly men, and ethnic men on Twitter. They find ugly men "creepier" and are more likely to accuse ugly men of sexual harassment. [citation] They experience increased disgust at simply imagining conversing with ugly men. [citation]
5) You just need to work on your personality and be a better person
Men reward women that have "nice" personalities. Women do not for nice men. I have seen loads of studies where women sexually reward criminals, narcissists, and sociopaths. One study specifically demonstrated male "niceness" was not at all valued by women. So "being a better person" will make a woman more attractive to a man, and they know it's something they need to do. Again, this is a projection that is more relevant to them not us. [citation]
I don't think most of this is truly malicious. I think it comes from a very poor sense of awareness or capacity to imagine what the world would look like for other people. It is like when women say, "Men won't commit because now they have so many options on Tinder." What they really mean is "the top 15% of men" but their mind blanks out what life is like for the other 85% of men.
In every case, they are essentially just taking their own problems or shortcomings that limit them, and assuming those must also be our shortcomings or limitations. It represents an inability to see the world from a different perspective than one's own. By contrast, we look at the world from all perspectives, as that is how understanding can best be reached. Maybe they should take a cue from us and try to think about the bigger picture.
