i think its alot more simply put in that desperate people will get with bad people and put up with their bullshit more readily, than those who have other options.
While some of this is true it’s really not that simple.
For example even a good looking Chad with a ton of options can be a victim of a Cluster B girl if he grew up without enough love and acknowledgment from his mother at a very young age.
As a codependent he will find mentally healthy attractive women boring and dull compared to a Borderline, Histrionic or a Narcissist and choose them over a mentally stable girl.
(Prince Harry is a good example of this as he could have any woman that he wanted due to his status and decent looks but he chose the narcissist Meghan Markle instead of a mentally healthy girl)
The reason being is the Cluster B will emotionally regress him to an infant stage via her love bombing of him in the idealization phase of the relationship and his nervous system will trick him into believing she is his mother on a subconscious level which creates a powerful bond like no other (a trauma bond in this instance) since there is no bond on this earth stronger than that of a mother and her child.
Anyway his nervous system then thinks he is finally receiving the badly needed love and acknowledgment that he did not receive enough of during his infancy and so he laps it up and falls hopelessly in love with the borderline.
Note: it’s not real genuine love of course but simply infatuation and projection but I digress.
The borderline subconsciously is always trying to turn her latest narcissistic supply ie favorite person ie new victim into her parent ie her mother who also gave her the same childhood wound as the codependent but because in her case the neglect was far worse she transformed into a borderline with a lack of a true self because the lack of proper love and acknowledgement from her mother did not allow her to form one so to survive and function she develops a series of facades that make her appear to be a functioning capable adult when in reality the truest form of her is an emotionally regressed infant that is 2-4 years old mentally and filled with fear.
The borderline is filled with a subconscious murderous rage at her mother for not providing for her needs in this regard as a toddler but at the same time desperately craves her mother’s love and so via her love bombing of her latest partner she is unconsciously trying to train her partner how to love her unconditionally the way her mother should have loved her. Even though the BPD’s codependent partner’s fall hopelessly in love with them as a result of the love bombing no one is the perfect god or representation of the fantasy in her mind and so eventually the reality that the partner is neither perfect or her mother will creep into the borderlines subconscious mind causing her to begin devaluing and eventually discarding her partner. This really has no bearing on the partner as a person or lover since the borderline never truly sees the partner as the unique human being that he is as he’s just a momentary stand in for the “bad parent” that created the borderlines core wound whom she both wants love from and revenge against for abandoning her in early childhood.
So when she discards you she’s actually symbolically taking revenge on her mother. It becomes a how dare you love me NOW?! Kind of thing. Then she moves on to the next victim repeating the cycle all over again.
Until she meets a narcissist of course. She will stay in the toxic relationship dance with a narc far longer than with a codependent because it takes her longer to break down a narcissists defenses and get him to open up and trust her and truly love her but once he does she will turn on him and destroy him too as she once again takes symbolic revenge on her mother for not loving her and acknowledging her to the degree that she needed as an infant.
Lastly codependent as it pertains to this subject doesn’t mean someone that can’t tolerate being alone.
All it means in the context of a relationship with a borderline is that you will tolerate abuse just to keep the relationship going.
Even the love bombing itself is abuse because it’s devaluing essentially saying you’re not enough and that she really doesn’t want you for you but is only momentarily projecting her fantasy of the perfect partner onto you and the moment you don’t live up to the fantasy she’s gone.
