At a certain point in your life...
You were near this girl but the way she talked, moved and looked around herself was not the same thing when it was with you. You felt that she was different when interacting with the other boys. There was always this feeling of her being there in the show of life but you just couldn't reach her. Like you didn't truly fully existed. The other existed, they made her shine, they made her feel alive while you were a mass of materia occupying space. You were stuck in the twilight zone between the living pulsating flesh and the cold of objects' non sentient existence. Like those movies where the ghost tries to talk but nothing. He can't reach anyone.
With time the the distance further dilates, the other boys get too closer and you too distant to tolerate the whole thing. These girls exploding in the beahty of their prime make horrified faces when you pass by them and that very Saturday they will give their first blowjob. They now don't seem so easily disgusted on their knees while some disgusting liquid you almost barfed seeing the first time you fapped hitting their faces shot after shot. They are perfectly comfortable in a dirty bathroom of a disco pub being covered in sperm while kneeling on a pavement full of piss but when you just walk near them
"EWWWWWW"
Now this is basically the universe telling straight in your face that you have no place in it. You are the lowest of the lowest, the manifestation of humans' deepest fears and horrors. You shouldn't even exist. But you do and this is your entire adolescence.
Now... troia della madonna zoccola cagna puttana... how can you not become an evil schizo lord full of burning resentment, envy and malignity? How after being exposed to such torture of the soul can you remain sane? I would argue that whoever doesn't become like me after being me is 100 times weirder and more psychopath than I am. After one suffers what I suffered he has the license to burn/destroy/torture anything with a human face. Thinking that he shouldn't and he should instead try to be a " decent human being that respects other people " THAT is the monstrosity. THAT is evil.
You were near this girl but the way she talked, moved and looked around herself was not the same thing when it was with you. You felt that she was different when interacting with the other boys. There was always this feeling of her being there in the show of life but you just couldn't reach her. Like you didn't truly fully existed. The other existed, they made her shine, they made her feel alive while you were a mass of materia occupying space. You were stuck in the twilight zone between the living pulsating flesh and the cold of objects' non sentient existence. Like those movies where the ghost tries to talk but nothing. He can't reach anyone.
With time the the distance further dilates, the other boys get too closer and you too distant to tolerate the whole thing. These girls exploding in the beahty of their prime make horrified faces when you pass by them and that very Saturday they will give their first blowjob. They now don't seem so easily disgusted on their knees while some disgusting liquid you almost barfed seeing the first time you fapped hitting their faces shot after shot. They are perfectly comfortable in a dirty bathroom of a disco pub being covered in sperm while kneeling on a pavement full of piss but when you just walk near them
"EWWWWWW"
Now this is basically the universe telling straight in your face that you have no place in it. You are the lowest of the lowest, the manifestation of humans' deepest fears and horrors. You shouldn't even exist. But you do and this is your entire adolescence.
Now... troia della madonna zoccola cagna puttana... how can you not become an evil schizo lord full of burning resentment, envy and malignity? How after being exposed to such torture of the soul can you remain sane? I would argue that whoever doesn't become like me after being me is 100 times weirder and more psychopath than I am. After one suffers what I suffered he has the license to burn/destroy/torture anything with a human face. Thinking that he shouldn't and he should instead try to be a " decent human being that respects other people " THAT is the monstrosity. THAT is evil.
