mgtow
Self-banned
-
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2017
- Posts
- 824
34 year old KHHV here.
It's like.. I had an idea of what love, relationship is, and the idea is not relevant anymore. I used to have the urgency of time when I used to tell myself that 'if i ain't getting a woman, this life as a man would go waste'. Now that's gone too. The sight of an attractive women isn't raising my attention anymore and there isn't any sadness about missing a vital huMAN experience in life.
For an analogy, I would compare myself to the penis that has gone flaccid after an ejaculation. I assumed I would change and that this is a temporary phase but I have stopped counting. Again, used to fap to porn but now the video seems like watching some childhood cartoon. By now the deep thinking frens here would mutter ''depression'' - maybe, maybe not. Should I care?
I have maintained a good physical health except for my teeth (it's the cross wisdom tooth to blame) and the organism's will to keep going is the only thing that's keeping me alive. Also, parents. They would live a decade or a bit more; so I gotta keep breathing for the sake of not giving them the pain of watching their own son's death: the least I could do.
Existence is a pain: when you are a norman, your day is painful to choose between the infinite people and places and activities to do- the pain of missing B because you chose A. As an incel, it is otherwise: the boredom of breathing and keeping alive. There's no colors* to see, everything is boring gray.
*by color, I mean - normans choose to firmly hold on to their blue pill world's parameters like character, beauty, and such adjectives from which they derive a purpose and reason to exist and cherish and identify themselves as one among the crowd.
Carl Jung said to develop a healthy ego and then let go of it : normans who introspect would attain the maturity to let go usually at their 50s (in modern world, majority still want to firmly hold on to it) and here I am at 34, ready to give up and embrace death - for the religiously inclined, it is a better world, but the nihilist in me says it is nothing but permanent sleep.
To keep calm and watch everything from a quiet corner till I can't take it anymore. A wry but understanding smile to my fellow cels who can understand my state of mind. That is all for now. Thanks for reading.
It's like.. I had an idea of what love, relationship is, and the idea is not relevant anymore. I used to have the urgency of time when I used to tell myself that 'if i ain't getting a woman, this life as a man would go waste'. Now that's gone too. The sight of an attractive women isn't raising my attention anymore and there isn't any sadness about missing a vital huMAN experience in life.
For an analogy, I would compare myself to the penis that has gone flaccid after an ejaculation. I assumed I would change and that this is a temporary phase but I have stopped counting. Again, used to fap to porn but now the video seems like watching some childhood cartoon. By now the deep thinking frens here would mutter ''depression'' - maybe, maybe not. Should I care?
I have maintained a good physical health except for my teeth (it's the cross wisdom tooth to blame) and the organism's will to keep going is the only thing that's keeping me alive. Also, parents. They would live a decade or a bit more; so I gotta keep breathing for the sake of not giving them the pain of watching their own son's death: the least I could do.
Existence is a pain: when you are a norman, your day is painful to choose between the infinite people and places and activities to do- the pain of missing B because you chose A. As an incel, it is otherwise: the boredom of breathing and keeping alive. There's no colors* to see, everything is boring gray.
*by color, I mean - normans choose to firmly hold on to their blue pill world's parameters like character, beauty, and such adjectives from which they derive a purpose and reason to exist and cherish and identify themselves as one among the crowd.
Carl Jung said to develop a healthy ego and then let go of it : normans who introspect would attain the maturity to let go usually at their 50s (in modern world, majority still want to firmly hold on to it) and here I am at 34, ready to give up and embrace death - for the religiously inclined, it is a better world, but the nihilist in me says it is nothing but permanent sleep.
To keep calm and watch everything from a quiet corner till I can't take it anymore. A wry but understanding smile to my fellow cels who can understand my state of mind. That is all for now. Thanks for reading.