Have you ever felt so trapped that you almost feel like there is no escape from the setting that you are currently in? Like you have the power to change but the same old bad habits that were ingrained to you one way or the other suplexes you back into your place. You feel demoralized because of how many times you vowed to change but you didn't. Your failures become such a bad habit that you cant help but constantly fall back into them--- that was how I felt.
One day after finishing my high school prerequisite classes I returned home defeated. I am a grown-ass man just now returning to college, and because I've been away from school for so long, I am required to take these courses. I am fine with that except for the fact that I struggle with the material Immensely. For two months I had studied more hours away than I would like to admit to barely stay on course with the class load.
I felt like a complete retard. The NEETdom of the past three + years has rotted my brain. I could not embed the information into my brain. I hadn't read anything or did any sorts of acadamic work since Neetdom, and my brain had atrophied from All that weed alcohol, and vidya 24/7 mustve fried my circuits a lil.
All the vices from Neetdom continues to linger. These small habits chew away from your time. I had a side bussiness idea and i even wanted to get a job but i couldn't really work on it because i kept wasting my time on my vices.
Anyways, that day I took the bus home. It was full of jubilant highschoolers. Thinking that I was once a sort of normal kid breaks my heart because I had become such a loser and i am literally struggling to retake courses that were meant for these youngins. Demasculated 101.
When I got home shit all these depressing thoughts begin to pile all the sudden. Mainly about How I am so far behind on my shit and how I am too short and ugly to be behind and shit and how i keep falling back to old habits. Then my mini oven dinged, I went to scoop the rice from the slow cooker and put the baked chicken on top --- a standard effortless meal. It was sufficient and it saved time.
Bland, but not tonight. I broke down like a bitch in my crummy little room because of how bitch made I was. If I handled the pain and suffering instead of numbing it, I would have avoided so much heartache, shit that hurt my folks as well, but i didnt. That night I had a uniquely seasoned rice bowl with chicken leg attached.
Sometimes I just want to violently stab or bludgeon myself to death
Guess I will see you in a few weeks or months again adios
One day after finishing my high school prerequisite classes I returned home defeated. I am a grown-ass man just now returning to college, and because I've been away from school for so long, I am required to take these courses. I am fine with that except for the fact that I struggle with the material Immensely. For two months I had studied more hours away than I would like to admit to barely stay on course with the class load.
I felt like a complete retard. The NEETdom of the past three + years has rotted my brain. I could not embed the information into my brain. I hadn't read anything or did any sorts of acadamic work since Neetdom, and my brain had atrophied from All that weed alcohol, and vidya 24/7 mustve fried my circuits a lil.
All the vices from Neetdom continues to linger. These small habits chew away from your time. I had a side bussiness idea and i even wanted to get a job but i couldn't really work on it because i kept wasting my time on my vices.
Anyways, that day I took the bus home. It was full of jubilant highschoolers. Thinking that I was once a sort of normal kid breaks my heart because I had become such a loser and i am literally struggling to retake courses that were meant for these youngins. Demasculated 101.
When I got home shit all these depressing thoughts begin to pile all the sudden. Mainly about How I am so far behind on my shit and how I am too short and ugly to be behind and shit and how i keep falling back to old habits. Then my mini oven dinged, I went to scoop the rice from the slow cooker and put the baked chicken on top --- a standard effortless meal. It was sufficient and it saved time.
Bland, but not tonight. I broke down like a bitch in my crummy little room because of how bitch made I was. If I handled the pain and suffering instead of numbing it, I would have avoided so much heartache, shit that hurt my folks as well, but i didnt. That night I had a uniquely seasoned rice bowl with chicken leg attached.
Sometimes I just want to violently stab or bludgeon myself to death
Guess I will see you in a few weeks or months again adios
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