I think it changed my brain, I could even feel my brain rewiring itself on that bad trip. I took 300ug like every Friday, might have been 290 ug or 310 too, fuck knows and everything was going fine until 5 hours into the trip I decided to smoke a big joint. I smoked a joint and 5 mins in I felt trip intensify but that was fine, then it intensified too much and I was at that point where I was about to lose control over myself. I had this thought of just standing up and screaming on top of my lungs and that thought felt pretty realistic but gladly I was able to control it, and then came thought loops and sometimes auditory hallucinations so I decided to say fuck it and go to bed because something bad could happen. I laid down on the bed and grabbed my phone, I then started scrolling through incels forum and thought loops really settled in. I would go into a bad thought loop and I would get myself out by saying "I am only on acid" then continue to scroll incels and it would start again, I even forgot what is acid on one though loop and I tried to comprehend what is tripping then I would feel better and the cycle repeated itself. I also had paranoia, after smoking that joint I was thinking on messaging mods to delete my incels account completely but at the same time I knew I did not think straight and I was too high inhib to do it and I said to myself "I will see after trip" just to not do anything stupid. I also had this thing when I FELT completely different, best thing I could describe as having bipolar disorder and your mood changing from manic to depressive, I don't have that disorder but I guess that's how it is except with no mania and depression, just a completely different feeling of your thoughts and mood. I tried to focus on hallucinations too after that joint but my mind, my mind was just fucking me up, I would forget I am in a trip and just have a mindfuck, I could not focus on the trip itself but just at my mind. I think I should've just turned on Pink Floyd tbh and I also drank 1 can of beer on that trip, idk if it changes anything really but weed intensifies shit a lot. Honestly I might say fuck to drugs for now since just having that thought of acid on my tongue makes me feel disgusted, I feel like I am injecting heroin and I feel like injecting something bad through your veins is fucking disgusting but that's my instinctual thought like I have a phobia of injecting shit into your body and it feels like complete disgust, it's like dissolving metal on your tongue every Friday, I don't know how to describe it really.
