[Context]
I love the English language. However, I myself, certainly lack much intelligence. Because of that, my grasp on my beloved language had began to wane considerably for some time. Out of frustration with my retardation, I took it upon myself to begin reading again. As of until a few days ago, it had been perhaps nearly a decade and more since I had truly picked up a book and read it. Which is odd, considering that I frequently like to write stories of my own based on the rather random things that I prop up into my mind—yet the quality surely leaves much to be desired...
Regardless, it didn't help, since I'm pretty low IQ (I tested for being roughly ~85). However, I still find it desirable that I build on The Library of Scarlet (It's new, I still haven't really figured out what the title should be—I'm open to suggestions...) and begin to add various literature to it, so as to perhaps preserve what our forefathers themselves cherished in their time—and by extension, preserve what our blessed country used to be.
Still yet, I decided to continue on with reading the more modern-day book I began to read earlier. I haven't gotten that far yet, perhaps only through like 25% of the book, but there is one section that made my stomach clench and brought the desire to hurl. Not because it was disgusting, but rather because reading this as an incel was so utterly heart-wrenching, yet was only a reminder of what I already knew.
You don't particularly need to know the backstory or anything, all you need to know is that there are two protagonists, one female, one male, both teenagers. A REALLY summarized explanation is that they're being trained to be assassins meant to systematically kill people, since humanity had progressed so much that people no longer regularly died from anything and were all immortal. Here in this scene, they're being trained in martial arts by an instructor, and are sparring.
Here's the excerpt, I'll be giving most of it if you want the context, the most important part is bolded.
Today she sparred against Rowan. He had more finesse to his moves, but she had the advantage of speed. He was stronger, but he was also taller, which was not an asset. Citra’s lower center of gravity made her more stable. All taken into account, they were evenly matched.
She spun and gave Rowan a powerful kick to the chest that almost took him down.
“Good one,” Rowan said. Scythe Yingxing zipped his own lip to remind them that there was no cross talk during combat.
She came at him from his left, and he countered so quickly, she had no idea where his hand had come from. It was as if he suddenly had three. She was thrown off-balance, but only for an instant. She felt heat where his hand had connected with her side. There’ll be a bruise. She grinned. He’ll pay for that!
She feinted left again, then came at him from the right with the full force of her body. She took him down and had him pinned—but it was as if gravity reversed, and suddenly she realized he had turned the tables. Now he was on top, pinning her. She could have flipped him again—she had the leverage—but she didn’t do it. She could feel his heartbeat now as if it were beating in her own chest… and she realized she wanted to feel that a little longer. She wanted to feel it more than she wanted to win the match.
That made her angry. Angry enough to pull away from his grip and put some space between them. There was no lane line, no net, nothing to keep them apart but the wall of her will. But that wall kept losing bricks.
Scythe Yingxing signaled the end of the match. Citra and Rowan bowed to each other, then took their places on opposite sides of the circle as two others were called up to spar. Citra watched intently, determined not to give Rowan a single glance.
This part was so incredibly brutal when I read it, that I had to actually stop for a second as I took it in.
I know what people will say, that this is watER, but I don't care, it's important to remind ourselves of the fundamental truths of the blackpill—no woman will EVER desire us like that. No foid will ever want to heart our heartbeat, no foid will ever subconciously want to be close to us, no foid will ever hide or supress her feelings she has for us, no foid will ever hide her gaze from us out of her embarassment, no foid will ever feel an uncontrolable longing for us, nothing.
Sections like this were not written for us to relate to—only to envy. Attraction is not earned. It is given. And we were never chosen. Verily, it would be comedic if not so cruel.
These are the things the faggots at IT and bluepillers will never understand. It was never about us just 'nOt BeInG aBlE tO hAvE sEx.' This is what we're so miserable about lacking. This genuine love and longing that were never even provided to us for... what reason precisely? None. There was no reason. We did nothing to be born the way we were.
And surely this says something to those who are naive enough on here as to believe that they can 'ascend.' You will never be the guy the foid thought of. You will always be the person she settled for, as she thinks of Chad, who she wanted to hear the heartbeat of just a little longer. You, however? You're just the guy who she decided to get with because she couldn't get that other guy, much to her distress. Her mind never wanted to subconciously continue to listen to your heartbeat, it never wanted to deny her feelings for you out of embarassment, it never wanted you.
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