I struggle with a lot of post traumatic stress relating to severe bullying, suicidal ideation, and verbal abuse from teachers in my childhood. I recognize that there are people who have suffered far worse things than me, but I still feel pain over the memories that haunt me everyday. I have autism and the experiences that have built my life have isolated me even further. I have been left incapable of relating to my female peers. When I listen to women talk about their lives, they have so much light inside of them. They are so innocent and their interests are so pure. They talk about their childhoods with such happiness. They got to share it with friends doing fun activities, they got to be involved. I feel as though I would damage them if actually managed to get close to them. Even if a woman were to feel empathy for me, she could never possibly understand the experiences I have had in life. They say we bond over shared experience and mine is one I wouldn't wish on anyone.
