Between middle school and early 20's I made about 4 facebook accounts and every single one was sooner or later deleted by me because I felt that digital footprint of cringe that I produced while trying to fit in/jestermaxx was too great
I jestermaxxed for like three years, man I was drowning in koolaid. I am so glad that shit is over. Sometimes I have memories flashing back of shit I did and I literally like say, thank you god that its over. I walked around shirtless and screamed dumb shit at people, I would put my thumbs like in my belt rings and stand like a cool guy, cuz some retard said thats good body language online.
I "put myself out there" by volunteering for shit in school and deliberately made a fool of myself in front of 20-30 people. I would deliberately fuck up school presentations to "get over my social anxiety." Like I would go FUCK, SHIT, OH NOOOO and throw my cue cards in the trash
One time I volunteered to write a poem because nobody wanted to do it, and the fucking teacher read it in front of the entire school, like 200 people or more. And nobody laughed, it was just dead silence.
I also did other cope therapy redpill shit, like journaling. Dude my journals are so fucking bad, like i would unironically write tough guy quotes and like "im a beast! they cant stop me! no pain no gain!"
the fucking brainwashing holy shit. Crazy to think most guys operate on some version of this shit.
I would also randomly talk to girls and talk about anime "just be confident bruh." I "negged" girls by insulting them, like this one girl in the mental hospital, I called her fat and shit. I would also tell people "cool whacky stories" to be "more interesting." Only to be called shit like rapist and school shooter.I did more "exposure therapy" than 19x therapies could.
When I was in the mental hospital, they had like a boxing bag. I tough guy maxxed and like hit the boxing bag for like 4 hours and these girls would just drop by and lol at me every few minutes, and I just kept going. I was a man in my 20s at that point, acting like some 12 year old edgelord. Another time I grew a pedo mustache for 3 months and wore a "cool hat." I also laid down next to the road shirtless and "sun bathed" with sunglasses
and these foids came by and lolled and asked if I am ok
Then I walked back shirtless with my shirt over shoulder like
I had to walk through this resort town and people were just laughing at me.
Now that Im writing this holy shit there is so much more. Another time I put up porn posters in toilet in school, idk why. I had zero friends, autism and nobody supporting me.
Another time I wanted to wear sunglasses and a tophat to school, like abrahm lincoln. And my family almost bought me the fucking tophat, but instead I got a fedora. I never wore that shit though, thank god.
Blackpill improved my mental health and "social skills" x10000000000000000000000000. I can not stress how much this shitty little forum has improved my life. Made me stop coping, made me understand everything that happened better, my own behavior, others. Stopped being an edgelord immediately. I might have roped without this forum, I swear.