My first serious relationship was with someone emotionally ( not physically abusive). I was with him for many years throughout college and some years after college also. He was definitely a narcissistic. I was head over heels for him because he was the only one that understood my anxiety and depression at the time. He didn’t shun me for having anxiety . He was pretty much one of the few guys willing to put up with it. And he was the only man willing to wait on sex with no pressure. I was going through a hard time with making friends and not getting along with the ones I had already. because the good times felt like heaven but the bad times in our relationship felt like hell. It took a long time and a lot of therapy to detox from from him. Towards the end of our relationship he fixed himself and became not controlling anymore but by that time I was already over it and had fallen out of love completely and completely checked out of the relationship. Even though he tried to salvage it I couldn’t get back to feeling in love with him no matter how hard I tried. I know he’s not a bad person. He had a rough childhood and mental issues himself but I was happier without him is what I discovered Since we broke up and I’ve been working on myself physically and mentally and went through lots of therapy I thought I would be able to meet a decent man that I’m attached to but it’s been a steuggle. All the men that want to date men are liars, cheaters, red pill, emotionally abusive, controlling, or just want to neg me constantly. I don’t think I’ve met a single man in the years that we have broken up that was not controlling or had severe issues. The men that are attractive, well rounded , educated, intelligent, emotionally intelligent, sensitive, thoughtful, etc are not interested in me at all.
Then the betabuxxer is left with a used up whore who doesn't actually like him 
