I was bullied relentlessly from ages 16-18. Puberty ruined me. I was a normal looking kid until about age 14. I had painful, boil-like cystic acne all over my face throughout high school and college that destroyed my skin and left me with layers of scar tissue. Still get outbreaks every now and again and I'm pushing 30. I have a recessed chin and a massive nose that grew in during puberty.
Dispositionally I'm an archetypical beta. I hate talking in groups, I have extremely low self esteem, I hate the sound of my own voice, I go to great lengths to avoid confrontation. I'm not assertive. I'm full of fear and anxiety.
Before puberty I had plenty of friends and was generally well-liked. In middle school and high school when social hierarchies started developing, I gradually became an outcast.
I was 14 the first time I got overtly bullied. I was approached in the locker room at school by a group of boys, three white kids and one black guy, all 1 year older than me. One guy, the ring leader, totally unprovoked, pinned me against the wall and said "did you call him a nigger?" referring to the black kid, while the group stood around me and watched. I was legitimately scared. Sounds pathetic to admit but to an underdeveloped 14 year old, these 15 years seemed like grown men.
From ages 15-18 I played varsity sports. If I have one redeeming quality, it's that I somehow was born with athletic abilities, and that made me an even bigger target. I was constantly harassed during practice by a group of older boys. Coincidentally, the ring leader of the locker room incident was a teammate. Eventually the bullying became sort of a team effort, and even the boys I considered allies caved to social pressure and joined in.
It went far beyond what could be considered normal ribbing amongst teammates. A group of boys on my team started a Facebook page dedicated to posting pictures of me at school. Me bending over at the library, using the urinal, eating lunch, walking.
I was so broken by the end of it that I quit mid-way through my senior year even though I had attended a combine and got an offer from a division III school.
After I quit, I recovered a bit and moved on with my life. I'm nearly 30, have decent job and basically have my shit together but at night I still think about the way I was treated as a teen.
Dispositionally I'm an archetypical beta. I hate talking in groups, I have extremely low self esteem, I hate the sound of my own voice, I go to great lengths to avoid confrontation. I'm not assertive. I'm full of fear and anxiety.
Before puberty I had plenty of friends and was generally well-liked. In middle school and high school when social hierarchies started developing, I gradually became an outcast.
I was 14 the first time I got overtly bullied. I was approached in the locker room at school by a group of boys, three white kids and one black guy, all 1 year older than me. One guy, the ring leader, totally unprovoked, pinned me against the wall and said "did you call him a nigger?" referring to the black kid, while the group stood around me and watched. I was legitimately scared. Sounds pathetic to admit but to an underdeveloped 14 year old, these 15 years seemed like grown men.
From ages 15-18 I played varsity sports. If I have one redeeming quality, it's that I somehow was born with athletic abilities, and that made me an even bigger target. I was constantly harassed during practice by a group of older boys. Coincidentally, the ring leader of the locker room incident was a teammate. Eventually the bullying became sort of a team effort, and even the boys I considered allies caved to social pressure and joined in.
It went far beyond what could be considered normal ribbing amongst teammates. A group of boys on my team started a Facebook page dedicated to posting pictures of me at school. Me bending over at the library, using the urinal, eating lunch, walking.
I was so broken by the end of it that I quit mid-way through my senior year even though I had attended a combine and got an offer from a division III school.
After I quit, I recovered a bit and moved on with my life. I'm nearly 30, have decent job and basically have my shit together but at night I still think about the way I was treated as a teen.
