I've tried very hard to understand why my mother married my father. All the warning signs were there. After digging deeper and deeper I learned that most marriages have no actual basis other than temporary social and monetary benefit for the woman, given than most women aren't, in fact, attracted to their husbands. Part of the reason why I'm almost a feminist, is because I feel sorry for a lot of women in that so many men feel entitled to sex, which leads to childbirth. I am sure we are all familiar with our aggressively masculine, asshole fathers - something that I never felt the need to really seek to prove (which oftentimes comes at others' expense).
I've seen this before, being hit on by married women. For some odd bit of luck, I look terrific, my brother is a 35 year old virgin. I am EXTREMELY privileged in terms of winning the lottery in terms of talent, looks, and intelligence and my brother has absolutely nothing. Nothing. And unfortunately, constantly questioning the world around me - I arrived at so many negative conclusions about peoples' motives, come in contact with such petty men and women, and seen how people are incredibly disloyal to each other.
In all it was just a combination of events in which I witnessed the entire world being a charade of "civilization" that more often involves utter failure, and people attempting as hard as they can to cover up for their own animalism, racism, sexism, hatred, and finding any and every excuse to harm and destroy those around them, while bringing children into the world as a "cover" for their own sickness.
What keeps me going is the idea of a beautiful child. A truly wonderful and beautiful child, and the thought that I will not let him or her be destroyed by this world.
