It's currently 5:45AM as I am typing this, I had to wake up slightly over 60 minutes ago for school. I didn't study any of the things I was supposed to do because I really can't be bothered. Every time I wake up early, I feel this sudden urge to off myself. It's like my alarm is mocking me, telling me that this will be my inevitable future if I don't find a way to kill myself now.
Before I decided to move out abroad and live with my grandma, I was going to run away to live alone in the woods. And I wish I stuck to that plan, the slight grain of hope I'm clinging onto is my biggest enemy. I think I want to kill myself, no, I know I want to kill myself. I've been thinking about suicide ever since I was in middle school.
How can someone live like this? For 18 years of my life, I've never had a friend, girlfriend, ioi, or any sign that anyone is interested in me. The audacity of my parents, to tell me I put no effort in my life or myself. How the fuck can I put effort when I have vomit inducing bone structure.
On top of all that, I'm fat as shit. It makes it harder to do anything, and losing weight is a struggle. I already struggle every day, the pain of not being able to use food as a cope only makes things worse for me. Now it's 5:50AM, I've gotta be ready by 6:20AM and I'm sitting down on my bed butt naked typing this. A little vent before I endure the torture that is this shitty school system.
Be born, wake up, go learn things you don't give a shit about for 25 years, get a job, wake up, go work a job you have no passion for or even care about, then go home and cry because this is all your life will ever be, and repeat.
Before I decided to move out abroad and live with my grandma, I was going to run away to live alone in the woods. And I wish I stuck to that plan, the slight grain of hope I'm clinging onto is my biggest enemy. I think I want to kill myself, no, I know I want to kill myself. I've been thinking about suicide ever since I was in middle school.
How can someone live like this? For 18 years of my life, I've never had a friend, girlfriend, ioi, or any sign that anyone is interested in me. The audacity of my parents, to tell me I put no effort in my life or myself. How the fuck can I put effort when I have vomit inducing bone structure.
On top of all that, I'm fat as shit. It makes it harder to do anything, and losing weight is a struggle. I already struggle every day, the pain of not being able to use food as a cope only makes things worse for me. Now it's 5:50AM, I've gotta be ready by 6:20AM and I'm sitting down on my bed butt naked typing this. A little vent before I endure the torture that is this shitty school system.
Be born, wake up, go learn things you don't give a shit about for 25 years, get a job, wake up, go work a job you have no passion for or even care about, then go home and cry because this is all your life will ever be, and repeat.
