Seriously I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone, the normies/sexhavers who laugh at our situations live in blissful ignorance. The point of this thread isn't solely to complain about my problems, nor to invoke pity using some type of "woe is me" rhetoric, as there are at least hundreds of millions who have it way worse than I do and many of my failings are intrinsically my own(even if I didn't choose them), but mainly to explain that our(or at the very least "my", as I can't speak for others) main problem isn't sexual frustration.
It's not just a matter of "I'm not having sex right now" or "I haven't had sex in awhile". For me it's more like I've been rejected by people my whole life, I've never known what it's like to have irl friends who actually treat me like a fellow human, I've never even held hands with a female who wasn't a close relative, I didn't have a normal or healthy childhood, I'm both socially and emotionally underdeveloped, and I have absolutely no hope for the future, and at the rate I'm going I'll likely end up homeless eventually. I'm not going to get into everything here, but suffice it to say that I was "raised" mostly by an extremely possessive, overprotective, narcissistic, and ultimately neglectful mother.
When I was growing up I never really knew how to act like other kids, especially like other boys, I never had friends during childhood. By the time I was a preteen I got mocked, harassed, and attacked in school pretty much relentlessly. I felt helpless, like there was no way for me to get out of the situation. If I did nothing, they wouldn't stop, and when I fought back I'd be punished more than the people bullying me(I was actually almost kicked out of school twice for fighting). A few of the teachers directly expressed to me that they hated me, or felt I was trash, one even indirectly told me that I should kill myself, while I reported it, nothing was ever done. Even the girls would laugh at me, they'd call me ugly to my face. When I was 14 I was told that I was disgusting by my one and only ever oneitis.
Eventually became so distressed that I couldn't take going to school anymore, and had a mental breakdown from the years of 14-15. I started to simply walk out of school, or not bother attending altogether. It was about this age that I started mutilating myself, I'd put cigarettes out on my arm, burn myself, and cut my arm/leg with razors, glass, and industrial scalpels(both my left arm and left leg are pretty disfigured from scarring, despite me not having done this for years). I came very close to killing myself, at one point I was set on hanging myself with a belt. Eventually I was involuntarily hospitalized by police, shortly after that I quit school completely.
I've pretty much been LDARing since I was 16 or so, I'm ugly, I have almost no work experience, my social skills are probably worse than those of most kids, I'm a khhv, and I'll be 25 this year. I've tried to reenter society multiple times, but basically all socialization is difficult for me, so it's never really worked out. I'm currently attending therapy, but I'm not sure that it's helping me. While I'm at least mildly depressed pretty much 24/7, I regularly have days when I feel fucking terrible, extremely suicidal, dysphoric, often when I get like this I'll lay in bed not moving, I'll want to cry but usually I can't. I'm a pathetic excuse for a man and I'm aware of that, it's not as if I spend most days wishing for a girlfriend, more than anything else I wish that I was never born at all.
I know this was a rant, but the bullshit assumptions I see being made of us are pretty annoying. Really though I wish normies would stop saying that I think my life is somehow terrible for missing out on pleasure, most of my fantasies just involve a girl holding me since I can't accurately conceptualize anything else.
It's not just a matter of "I'm not having sex right now" or "I haven't had sex in awhile". For me it's more like I've been rejected by people my whole life, I've never known what it's like to have irl friends who actually treat me like a fellow human, I've never even held hands with a female who wasn't a close relative, I didn't have a normal or healthy childhood, I'm both socially and emotionally underdeveloped, and I have absolutely no hope for the future, and at the rate I'm going I'll likely end up homeless eventually. I'm not going to get into everything here, but suffice it to say that I was "raised" mostly by an extremely possessive, overprotective, narcissistic, and ultimately neglectful mother.
When I was growing up I never really knew how to act like other kids, especially like other boys, I never had friends during childhood. By the time I was a preteen I got mocked, harassed, and attacked in school pretty much relentlessly. I felt helpless, like there was no way for me to get out of the situation. If I did nothing, they wouldn't stop, and when I fought back I'd be punished more than the people bullying me(I was actually almost kicked out of school twice for fighting). A few of the teachers directly expressed to me that they hated me, or felt I was trash, one even indirectly told me that I should kill myself, while I reported it, nothing was ever done. Even the girls would laugh at me, they'd call me ugly to my face. When I was 14 I was told that I was disgusting by my one and only ever oneitis.
Eventually became so distressed that I couldn't take going to school anymore, and had a mental breakdown from the years of 14-15. I started to simply walk out of school, or not bother attending altogether. It was about this age that I started mutilating myself, I'd put cigarettes out on my arm, burn myself, and cut my arm/leg with razors, glass, and industrial scalpels(both my left arm and left leg are pretty disfigured from scarring, despite me not having done this for years). I came very close to killing myself, at one point I was set on hanging myself with a belt. Eventually I was involuntarily hospitalized by police, shortly after that I quit school completely.
I've pretty much been LDARing since I was 16 or so, I'm ugly, I have almost no work experience, my social skills are probably worse than those of most kids, I'm a khhv, and I'll be 25 this year. I've tried to reenter society multiple times, but basically all socialization is difficult for me, so it's never really worked out. I'm currently attending therapy, but I'm not sure that it's helping me. While I'm at least mildly depressed pretty much 24/7, I regularly have days when I feel fucking terrible, extremely suicidal, dysphoric, often when I get like this I'll lay in bed not moving, I'll want to cry but usually I can't. I'm a pathetic excuse for a man and I'm aware of that, it's not as if I spend most days wishing for a girlfriend, more than anything else I wish that I was never born at all.
I know this was a rant, but the bullshit assumptions I see being made of us are pretty annoying. Really though I wish normies would stop saying that I think my life is somehow terrible for missing out on pleasure, most of my fantasies just involve a girl holding me since I can't accurately conceptualize anything else.
