IDK why but I always used to lie to myself hard while at the same time knowing it's totally over, telling myself I have a 0.0000001% chance, which is brutally low to begin with, to get a gf while in fact it is zero (0).
Telling myself if I get fillers and work out and get rid of my acne and facial pigmentation..... it made me feel good but I always knew it was a lie, it's paradoxical isn't it??? Why did I cope so much, daydreaming about a pretty gf (I guess it was just that, I wanted this fantasy to be true - the dream to be true, I made up this reality while knowing it's a lie), but at the same time knowing it's over?
Now I know that's just as likely to happen as pigs learning to fly or dragons existing! Now for a few weeks (had these episodes before) I know with 100% certainty it's over, you couldn't even bet on it because the betting site would lose money with 100% certainty!
My fucking head and face can't be changed neither can my height or autism!!! I'm peaceful though inside, but a "monster" on the outside in terms of looks – any outsider or anyone who doesn't "know" me, reading this, believe me, I have great empathy especially for the vulnerable or ugly or good outsiders or the innocent, and of course animals, I'm not violent, so please don't just ASSUME, you'll make an ASS out of U and ME. This is all, I just need to vent, nothing more. See that's all I am, an ugly dude who many people chuckle about, but otherwise I'm not a "monster".
The "hope" was a tiny flame flickering on a floating piece of wood floating on the bloody ocean, a flame kept alive by insane copium but now it's totally dark. Me being brutally honest more than ever about my looks and especially my autism and autistic behavior/can't talk properly/etc. saw to that.
Rant over!
Telling myself if I get fillers and work out and get rid of my acne and facial pigmentation..... it made me feel good but I always knew it was a lie, it's paradoxical isn't it??? Why did I cope so much, daydreaming about a pretty gf (I guess it was just that, I wanted this fantasy to be true - the dream to be true, I made up this reality while knowing it's a lie), but at the same time knowing it's over?
Now I know that's just as likely to happen as pigs learning to fly or dragons existing! Now for a few weeks (had these episodes before) I know with 100% certainty it's over, you couldn't even bet on it because the betting site would lose money with 100% certainty!
My fucking head and face can't be changed neither can my height or autism!!! I'm peaceful though inside, but a "monster" on the outside in terms of looks – any outsider or anyone who doesn't "know" me, reading this, believe me, I have great empathy especially for the vulnerable or ugly or good outsiders or the innocent, and of course animals, I'm not violent, so please don't just ASSUME, you'll make an ASS out of U and ME. This is all, I just need to vent, nothing more. See that's all I am, an ugly dude who many people chuckle about, but otherwise I'm not a "monster".
The "hope" was a tiny flame flickering on a floating piece of wood floating on the bloody ocean, a flame kept alive by insane copium but now it's totally dark. Me being brutally honest more than ever about my looks and especially my autism and autistic behavior/can't talk properly/etc. saw to that.
Rant over!
Last edited:
