I sell action figures and naturally these days people are buying more action figures/toys than ever, so the biz is good, I'm earning money to pay the internet and get more figures, today I had an experience that almost made me throw myself from a bridge.
Last night a guy was interested in some of my Marvel Legends for his son for Christmas, so we agreed on the price, time and place for the meeting, but an hour before he tells me that he'll not be able to arrive in time, so he's sending his mom to collect the figures in the same place and time.
99.9% of the time I don't make deals with women, I avoid them at any cost because I'm too autistic to keep a basic conversation with them and dealing with them makes me feel very uncomfortable, blame more than a decade of absolute lack of any female attention/companionship because I'm a fucking sub 5 freak and no woman will ever show me any kind of genuine affection.
BUT, I want the money and the guy is a grown man already so I think "yeah I'll don't have too much trouble with an old woman she's probably mad to come and collect toys so the deal will be fast"
How wrong I was
She calls me an hour before, telling me that she's already in the place, but we agreed on a specific time but she was there already, I have a bad feeling about this and ME as a fucking beta weak fuck despite being wronged all my life by women, I feel bad, so I run like a good cuck so she wouldn't be waiting for an hour for me, and there she was, a probably 60+yo woman, that despite being OLD and I mean she's a granny and yet she's dressed beautfully, just by looking at her you knew that she was a 11/10 in her prime.
The moment she opened her mouth I knew that it was over for me, for better context, I haven't had "proper" contact with foids in years and I mean YEARS, I almost never leave my house only to deliver some figures or to the post office to ship them, I'm in almost total isolation because I gave up years ago.
And today I had my first contact with a foid in years, and the first thing she did was say "I'm so sorry for making you come early you must be tired get some juice!" I was speechless, like a total tard, her smile was so beautiful, her blonde hair looked amazing, blue eyes, and the dress she was wearing made her look so fucking hot.
She tells me that for some time she's helping her grandson build her action figure collection and she's learning things about Marvel comics etc, suddenly my mind regressed and it was like I was a 10yo again, I started to talk about the characters, the events even the fucking disneyslop MCUck movies, we talked like for 30mins and I fucking swear this was the FIRST time in my entire life that a woman felt even A TINY BIT of interest in my hobbies, the first time I saw a woman ask me "wow that's awesome and how do they save the world? and what happened to this Doom?" and I was just talking and talking all the shit I could remember, I felt and acted like a fucking kid, and it felt wonderful.
Then I started to show her tons and tons of pictures of my collection and I wanted to talk about Transformers with her so bad, she asked me a few questions and told me "that sounds very cool!"
While all of this was happening my heart was beating like never before so I was getting closer and closer to her, I swear to fucking god I wanted to kiss her so bad.
Then she told me that she had to go, and that I'm a very kind young man and that she learned a lot today, and I couldn't help myself and my autism won, so when she wanted to give me a cheek kiss goodbye I hugged her and I literally squeezed her and gave her a cheek kiss saying thank you you're amazing almost screaming while cuddling with her soft blonde hair, I'm sure that this made her feel very uncomfortable because her expression changed from that almost angelical being that spent 30minutes with me to the average foid, the same fucking expression of surprise and confusion, that's when I snapped from that blissful state of mind to reality.
She said "bye, take care!" and I stayed in that place, staring at the void for 4 hours realizing what I did and what happened, realizing that I will never have something like that in my life as something regular and natural, I will never have someone like her even at her age.
I went back home and I started to lurk over their socials and I found out she has a husband, average tall old Chad, in some posts it seems that they are married for years already because there are some pictures of them when they were young, and when I looked at her I just cried, looking at such beautiful, hot and sexy woman, the idea of marrying a woman like that, and spending decades with her and even when she's old she's still hot enough that a fucking miserable fucker like me fantasizes about her.
And I will never have her, I will never have someone like her, I will never go to bed with someone like her, even for just cuddling, I will never have someone showing any fucking interest or respect to my hobbies and what I like, I will never have someone that tells me that I'm cool and awesome genuinely and not just for being kind, I will never hold her hand to get a coffee or walk in a park together, I will NEVER have it, I will die alone in a corner like a fucking rat.
on my way back home I contemplated a bridge for another hour, it would've been so easy, but then again I'm just a coward fuck who doesn't even have the balls to do it.
Tonight I'm sure I'll dream about her, a granny, and how it felt to have female contact and a tiny bit of attention and kindness.
And tomorrow I'll wake up in the same place, stuck in the same worthless useless miserable failed body that I have. with nothing to live for.
It's completely over.
Last night a guy was interested in some of my Marvel Legends for his son for Christmas, so we agreed on the price, time and place for the meeting, but an hour before he tells me that he'll not be able to arrive in time, so he's sending his mom to collect the figures in the same place and time.
99.9% of the time I don't make deals with women, I avoid them at any cost because I'm too autistic to keep a basic conversation with them and dealing with them makes me feel very uncomfortable, blame more than a decade of absolute lack of any female attention/companionship because I'm a fucking sub 5 freak and no woman will ever show me any kind of genuine affection.
BUT, I want the money and the guy is a grown man already so I think "yeah I'll don't have too much trouble with an old woman she's probably mad to come and collect toys so the deal will be fast"
How wrong I was
She calls me an hour before, telling me that she's already in the place, but we agreed on a specific time but she was there already, I have a bad feeling about this and ME as a fucking beta weak fuck despite being wronged all my life by women, I feel bad, so I run like a good cuck so she wouldn't be waiting for an hour for me, and there she was, a probably 60+yo woman, that despite being OLD and I mean she's a granny and yet she's dressed beautfully, just by looking at her you knew that she was a 11/10 in her prime.
The moment she opened her mouth I knew that it was over for me, for better context, I haven't had "proper" contact with foids in years and I mean YEARS, I almost never leave my house only to deliver some figures or to the post office to ship them, I'm in almost total isolation because I gave up years ago.
And today I had my first contact with a foid in years, and the first thing she did was say "I'm so sorry for making you come early you must be tired get some juice!" I was speechless, like a total tard, her smile was so beautiful, her blonde hair looked amazing, blue eyes, and the dress she was wearing made her look so fucking hot.
She tells me that for some time she's helping her grandson build her action figure collection and she's learning things about Marvel comics etc, suddenly my mind regressed and it was like I was a 10yo again, I started to talk about the characters, the events even the fucking disneyslop MCUck movies, we talked like for 30mins and I fucking swear this was the FIRST time in my entire life that a woman felt even A TINY BIT of interest in my hobbies, the first time I saw a woman ask me "wow that's awesome and how do they save the world? and what happened to this Doom?" and I was just talking and talking all the shit I could remember, I felt and acted like a fucking kid, and it felt wonderful.
Then I started to show her tons and tons of pictures of my collection and I wanted to talk about Transformers with her so bad, she asked me a few questions and told me "that sounds very cool!"
While all of this was happening my heart was beating like never before so I was getting closer and closer to her, I swear to fucking god I wanted to kiss her so bad.
Then she told me that she had to go, and that I'm a very kind young man and that she learned a lot today, and I couldn't help myself and my autism won, so when she wanted to give me a cheek kiss goodbye I hugged her and I literally squeezed her and gave her a cheek kiss saying thank you you're amazing almost screaming while cuddling with her soft blonde hair, I'm sure that this made her feel very uncomfortable because her expression changed from that almost angelical being that spent 30minutes with me to the average foid, the same fucking expression of surprise and confusion, that's when I snapped from that blissful state of mind to reality.
She said "bye, take care!" and I stayed in that place, staring at the void for 4 hours realizing what I did and what happened, realizing that I will never have something like that in my life as something regular and natural, I will never have someone like her even at her age.
I went back home and I started to lurk over their socials and I found out she has a husband, average tall old Chad, in some posts it seems that they are married for years already because there are some pictures of them when they were young, and when I looked at her I just cried, looking at such beautiful, hot and sexy woman, the idea of marrying a woman like that, and spending decades with her and even when she's old she's still hot enough that a fucking miserable fucker like me fantasizes about her.
And I will never have her, I will never have someone like her, I will never go to bed with someone like her, even for just cuddling, I will never have someone showing any fucking interest or respect to my hobbies and what I like, I will never have someone that tells me that I'm cool and awesome genuinely and not just for being kind, I will never hold her hand to get a coffee or walk in a park together, I will NEVER have it, I will die alone in a corner like a fucking rat.
on my way back home I contemplated a bridge for another hour, it would've been so easy, but then again I'm just a coward fuck who doesn't even have the balls to do it.
Tonight I'm sure I'll dream about her, a granny, and how it felt to have female contact and a tiny bit of attention and kindness.
And tomorrow I'll wake up in the same place, stuck in the same worthless useless miserable failed body that I have. with nothing to live for.
It's completely over.
