L
Lebensmüder
Soon to be deleted account
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- Joined
- Aug 21, 2018
- Posts
- 5,202
I was driving in my car with my parents. It was the time of summer back then. It was the time of high school graduation for people in my country. It was a summer evening, something that always makes me melancholic/sad. I was entering the parking lot and that's when I saw it:
A group of teenagers with beer in their hand on their bikes just coming back from a party - probably in close proximity to the woods/sports centre. It felt like someone took a hot piece of iron, put it through my ribs and was twisting it around in my thorax. I never had any childhood/youth memories that were worth remembering. They were living the time of their lifes without a single worry in their head. My high school celebration was two years ago and nobody wanted to have anything to do with me, for everyone it was the time of their lifes, but for me it was just another useless/wasted day. Despite having best grades in high school I wasn't able to do anything worthwhile with it and nothing came out of my efforts/sacrifices. I was >20 and had not even had a kiss on my lips in my entire fucking life all while they collected summer memories. Even if my career played out as I wanted, nothing could ever come close to friendships and unforgettable memories. Something I never had.
I went with my parents to a restaurant. I couldn't even drink to numb the pain, because I have alcohol insufficiency and had to drive them afterwards. There were even more youngsters out there having the time on their lifes, driving on their bikes, yelling and with girls as companions. And then there was one of these moments again, when a woman would just look at me with the feelings of utter disgust (as if she saw a roach in her favorite dish): I was driving around some houses and then a female with a chad in companion came out of that house. The girl looked like Eggie as a female and was having thinning hair, her male companion was a chad/chadlite, she was wearing a football shirt. As she saw me she looked at me with utter disgust - unbelievable. I was just shaking my head and even uttering a cynical laughter in my car. I get this look from females all the time, as an ugly male females don't even want you to exist in their vicinity. Summer is unironically the time of the year I despise the most - exactly for these reasons. You cannot even cope anymore, because you always see the luck of others. And even worse: They were partying/fucking while I lost my (physical) job as a last semblance of normalcy due to COVID. JFL, you cannot make this shit up.
A group of teenagers with beer in their hand on their bikes just coming back from a party - probably in close proximity to the woods/sports centre. It felt like someone took a hot piece of iron, put it through my ribs and was twisting it around in my thorax. I never had any childhood/youth memories that were worth remembering. They were living the time of their lifes without a single worry in their head. My high school celebration was two years ago and nobody wanted to have anything to do with me, for everyone it was the time of their lifes, but for me it was just another useless/wasted day. Despite having best grades in high school I wasn't able to do anything worthwhile with it and nothing came out of my efforts/sacrifices. I was >20 and had not even had a kiss on my lips in my entire fucking life all while they collected summer memories. Even if my career played out as I wanted, nothing could ever come close to friendships and unforgettable memories. Something I never had.
I went with my parents to a restaurant. I couldn't even drink to numb the pain, because I have alcohol insufficiency and had to drive them afterwards. There were even more youngsters out there having the time on their lifes, driving on their bikes, yelling and with girls as companions. And then there was one of these moments again, when a woman would just look at me with the feelings of utter disgust (as if she saw a roach in her favorite dish): I was driving around some houses and then a female with a chad in companion came out of that house. The girl looked like Eggie as a female and was having thinning hair, her male companion was a chad/chadlite, she was wearing a football shirt. As she saw me she looked at me with utter disgust - unbelievable. I was just shaking my head and even uttering a cynical laughter in my car. I get this look from females all the time, as an ugly male females don't even want you to exist in their vicinity. Summer is unironically the time of the year I despise the most - exactly for these reasons. You cannot even cope anymore, because you always see the luck of others. And even worse: They were partying/fucking while I lost my (physical) job as a last semblance of normalcy due to COVID. JFL, you cannot make this shit up.