Serious Over association of things and falling into deeper depression

[iHateLife]

I have a problem of associating things that cause me suffering with things of joy. Let's say I read/watch something that infuriates me to the point of being genocidal which is quite easy to do to be honest. I want to escape my emotional state of suffering through uplifting my mood through any medium such as music/video or anything at all. However, the next time I use that uplifting media, I will associate it with that incident of past sufferings thus causing me to lose another source of joy that is so hard to come by in this wretched world. I find myself to be particularly good at holding grudges so I can't forget these associations even if I wanted to. Another thing is that I don't know how to emotionally regulate myself, I can't let things go and ruminate on past sufferings most of the time.

Anyone experience this? How to cope? I was thinking of reading a PTSD book and use the skills found within PTSD coping but it's all so tiresome.

 

[Deleted member 22572]

I can't let things go and ruminate on past sufferings most of the time.

I have the same thing. If something really bad happens to me one day, and then later in the day I listen to a song or play a game whilst reflecting on it. Every time I play the song again or for example go to that same point in the map I was at in the game where I was thinking about the thing before, I get reminded about the bad experience and then I start feeling shit about it again.

 

[Vermilioncore]

Yeah you need to stop associating things with other things. I had that issue too. You need to separate your emotions from certain experiences and sorts quarantine your current state of mind

 

[Fat Link]

You mean videos like this one OP?

 

[Dionysus]

damn man i can relate a bit. shits rough nigga