Venting On My Inability to Act and Loneliness

[Hombre]

I do not know what is happening. It seems as I am uncapable of controlling my mind. I try repeatedly to tame my mind and be able to do the things that I know I need to do, but it just seems as if there is something holding me back. I do not know, man.

It is confusing even to describe how
I feel right now. It feels as if there is something in my mind preventing me from being myself, or even saying the things that I truly want to say. None of the things that I write are the ones that I want to say. It is just that I cannot find a way to articulate what I feel and think.

I have been suffering from this predicament for years. I want to be normal, that is want I only want, nothing more. I do not want honor, praise, adulation, or any type of compliments; I just want to be normal. How can I change? That is a question that has permeated my mind for years, years, and I do not find the way to do it. I cannot leave earth without trying. I know that I can improve.

Loneliness is painful, I do not have friends or anyone to talk to, I feel invisible. I just want someone to talk to.
How can I change? How can I change? How can I change? I do not know what has happened to
my mind.

I know that I can do it. I just need to be myself. I do not have individuality, or confidence, or self-esteem. I am afraid of talking to people and to express myself. I have constantly had negative thoughts for more than four years, every day. Negative thoughts: I do not even know if that is normal or something that is uncommon. How could I know? I do not talk to anybody.

I know that I can do it, I know my capacities. I am just terrified. I listened to all those people that told me that I could not do it. I kept listening, and listening, until one day, I believed them, and I quit. I cannot let this happen anymore. I cannot leave earth without trying, man. I have to try, please.

Endure my heart, endure my heart. I can do it. I can do it. I will do it. There has to be a way to accomplish it, I sure about it.

 

[Deleted member 18214]

On my inability to not rope

 

[StormWind]

You seem to have a lot on your mind that you're not able to release under usual circumstances. Take a load off and then you can think what next based from your situation.

 

[i_a_m_i]

I kind of get it. I eventually just lost the desire to interact with people offline altogether.

 

[Hombre]

I kind of get it. I eventually just lost the desire to interact with people offline altogether.

To be honest, I have not lost the desire to do what you have experienced. Contrarily, I want to interact with other people; however, they have ostracized me for things that go beyond my control.

You seem to have a lot on your mind that you're not able to release under usual circumstances. Take a load off and then you can think what next based from your situation.

Yes, I have experienced this predicament for as long as I can remember. I cannot even express myself appropriately or eloquently in my native language.

 

[i_a_m_i]

To be honest, I have not lost the desire to do what you have experienced. Contrarily, I want to interact with other people; however, they have ostracized me for things that go beyond my control.

Well, isn't the fact that they've ostracized you a good reason not to to want to interact with them? I feel like, even if I were suddenly welcomed by society with open arms, I couldn't really appreciate it, because I'd always be thinking of the people who, like my past self, are being ostracized and treated poorly.

 

[Mogged Loner]

Why are all these GrAYcels posting huge posts and expecting me to read them??!!

 

[Hombre]

Well, isn't the fact that they've ostracized you a good reason not to to want to interact with them?

I have interacted with many people in the past, and the vast majority have treated me poorly. However, I have met a few genuinely good people. After all, we are social animals that crave interaction.

Why are all these GrAYcels posting huge posts and expecting me to read them??!!

Sorry, I guess.

 

[trashcel420]

On my inability to not rope

Why are all these GrAYcels posting huge posts and expecting me to read them??!!

stfu

 

[Deleted member 18214]

stfu

tbh

 

[Hombre]

stfu

Greycels unite, mate.

 

[cryptic__egg]

Learning to socialize is hard, and it's something that most people in our situation will fail to do. Kurzgesagt did a good video about the nature of loneliness and how it affects your behavior. To summarize what they said, lack of social interaction makes you more determined to socialize, but also causes you to become worse at interpreting social signals. This is why you end up feeling like you want to talk to people more than anything, but are somehow unable to do it properly; your brain hasn't developed a good ability to read people. Practice with talking to people is the only viable way to overcome this, but there is no certainty that any of us will be able to improve.

 

[Hombre]

Learning to socialize is hard, and it's something that most people in our situation will fail to do. Kurzgesagt did a good video about the nature of loneliness and how it affects your behavior. To summarize what they said, lack of social interaction makes you more determined to socialize, but also causes you to become worse at interpreting social signals. This is why you end up feeling like you want to talk to people more than anything, but are somehow unable to do it properly; your brain hasn't developed a good ability to read people. Practice with talking to people is the only viable way to overcome this, but there is no certainty that any of us will be able to improve.

This is pretty helpful. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 24125]

i feel you man. i am unable to be apart of society for some reason im not even able to hold a job