I'm a very weird individual, full of contradictions that make no sense. I actively avoided people my entire life, never had any friends, the few times that normies somewhat wanted to be friendly with me I burned bridges and went out of my way to be alone. To give you an example of how avoidant I am, I gave my phone number to very few people in this life, and the few times somebody did call I didn't answer.
Anyway, to get to my point. Despite all this, I do feel a vague sense of loneliness. Idk, it's not loneliness per say, all I really want to do in this life is to lay in bed with my laptop without having to work or be bothered by people, just like I did since I was a child. But I am lonely in a more existential sense I guess. Feeling so different, unable to relate to a normal person's life, so much so that most books or movies are totally impossible for me to experience since I can't relate at all.
Also, it feels really weird in some ways I can't really put into words. It's like who I am is known only by my parents (and even then they only know a tiny aspect of me, it's like I have different personalities in different situations, and my parents know only a few of them, they know little of who I truly am, and nobody other than them knows even that much). I am otherwise a ghost, an alien. And when they inevitably die, especially since dad is old and mom is not very healthy, I will literally be totally, totally alone. I also have no relatives (at least that me and my parents are on speaking terms with, fuck those so-called "relatives"). All that's ever happened to me might as well have never happened because nobody really knows about it. Hell, with my memory being what it is, not even I remember it.
Anyway, to get to my point. Despite all this, I do feel a vague sense of loneliness. Idk, it's not loneliness per say, all I really want to do in this life is to lay in bed with my laptop without having to work or be bothered by people, just like I did since I was a child. But I am lonely in a more existential sense I guess. Feeling so different, unable to relate to a normal person's life, so much so that most books or movies are totally impossible for me to experience since I can't relate at all.
Also, it feels really weird in some ways I can't really put into words. It's like who I am is known only by my parents (and even then they only know a tiny aspect of me, it's like I have different personalities in different situations, and my parents know only a few of them, they know little of who I truly am, and nobody other than them knows even that much). I am otherwise a ghost, an alien. And when they inevitably die, especially since dad is old and mom is not very healthy, I will literally be totally, totally alone. I also have no relatives (at least that me and my parents are on speaking terms with, fuck those so-called "relatives"). All that's ever happened to me might as well have never happened because nobody really knows about it. Hell, with my memory being what it is, not even I remember it.
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