My mind is constantly working against me, I obsess over things that shouldn't matter for absolutely no reason. Today it's one thing another day it's another thing, I hate how easily i am bothered by so many things that shouldn't matter but they do to me and the harder i try to not obsess over it the harder it becomes for me to stop. Sometimes i am able to distract my mind with video games or chess but that doesn't stop the main problem of not being able to ever relax because the moment i do my mind starts obsessing over things especially things that are within my control and sometimes those things are the very video games themselves. Take a game like minecraft, i will spend hours tweaking my builds because my says that something isn't right but no matter what i do it's never right and worst of all when those builds aren't a focus and are in the background they end up looking great but my mind just never seems to ever rest.
It wasn't always like this, i never used to be this bad but it's like the isolation i have face for my entire life is making things so much worse, it's funny because my psychiatrist literally agreed with me, that happiness was the key to controlling my OCD and he dropped me as a client because his pills could not help me. The only thing that would make happy truly happy would be the end of inceldom, not sex with a prostitute but true love. A woman that genuinely loved me but that's almost impossible because i'm a below average looking man saddled with several mental defects.
Without OCD it would be possible for me manage a life without such love, It would still be somewhat miserable but so much more manageable I could just distract myself with the same copes that I had before plunging hours into autistic passion projects with extreme ease. But now everytime i try to do so my OCD always gets in the the way.
It wasn't always like this, i never used to be this bad but it's like the isolation i have face for my entire life is making things so much worse, it's funny because my psychiatrist literally agreed with me, that happiness was the key to controlling my OCD and he dropped me as a client because his pills could not help me. The only thing that would make happy truly happy would be the end of inceldom, not sex with a prostitute but true love. A woman that genuinely loved me but that's almost impossible because i'm a below average looking man saddled with several mental defects.
Without OCD it would be possible for me manage a life without such love, It would still be somewhat miserable but so much more manageable I could just distract myself with the same copes that I had before plunging hours into autistic passion projects with extreme ease. But now everytime i try to do so my OCD always gets in the the way.
