mueslimale
Recruit
★★★
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2021
- Posts
- 208
Shortly after I met Manuel*, a mutual buddy told me at a party about his weakness for Asian women. For him, it was a funny coincidence. According to the motto: Cool, Manu is into Asians. Milena is Asian. That fits. His words were unpleasant to me at the time, but I couldn't figure out why. Today I would say Manuel had a fetish.
I met him in the summer of 2016 shortly before my 21st birthday through a mutual friend in Hamburg. We chilled in the park and drank beers. Manuel and I got to talking. I was shockingly in love. I liked him right away with his blond hair, blue-green eyes and tall stature. It took a while until we met just the two of us. Manuel was very shy. At some point we kissed at a party. From then on, we dated on and off for two years.
When my buddy told me about Manuel's penchant for Asian girls, I laughed along with him. Later, at home alone on the bed in my shared apartment, I pondered what this statement meant to me. After all, I was desperate to please Manuel. I thought of all the stereotypes that exist about East Asian-read women and wondered if I fit them. Asian women are considered quiet, shy, and submissive. "Am I even Asian enough for him," I wondered. Maybe I was too German for him, too loud, or not introverted enough? Should I lose weight? After all, according to the stereotype, Asian women are all slim and petite. And did I even come from the right corner of Asia? My parents came to Germany from South Korea. Maybe Manuel was only into Vietnamese girls? Today I find it totally absurd that I had these thoughts. Instead of questioning whether Manuel was only interested in me because I was Asian, I made myself look bad.
During sex, Manuel said how tight I was and how horny that made him. In other relationships I've had, that was never an issue. There's this stereotype that East Asian women are particularly tight around the bottom. For many men, this is a reason why they absolutely want to try an Asian woman. Today, the thought disgusts me that Manuel probably only liked me because of my anatomy. At the time, I still thought that was a compliment. I was proud because I could give him in bed what other women couldn't. I thought I was something special. I'm very uncomfortable with that now. I wish I could turn back time and ask my younger self to get up and just leave.
A year after we met, I moved to Seoul for a semester abroad. It was there that I first heard the term yellow fever. It describes the phenomenon when white or non-Asian men are totally into Asian women. I didn't relate it to Manuel, though. After my return, a good friend told me that Manuel had had something with someone else while I was away. I was not angry, after all we were not steady together. But what irritated me was that the person had an Asian background just like me. Giggling, my friend explained to me that she had been Thai. Recognizing this pattern in Manuel's dating behavior, I guess she thought it was funny. Her grinning offended me, yet I laughed out loud along with her. "Oh funny, he seems to have such a fetish," I said.
I never talked to Manuel about my concerns. I was embarrassed by my insecurity. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. New Year's Eve 2019 was the last time we had anything together. A year later, I met his new girlfriend at a party. She was also Asian. That's when it clicked and I finally understood the extent of Manuel's supposed preference. It felt like he had just switched me with the next best thing. I mentioned to a white friend how weird I thought it was that Manuel had an Asian-read girlfriend again. She met me with incomprehension. She said that the other way around, one could claim that I would only be into white men, after all, my new boyfriend was also white. For me, this was an absurd comparison. I grew up in Germany among white Germans. There were simply few People of Color around me. All the boys were white, so I dated white men. Unlike Manuel, who deliberately sought out an ethnic group that was an absolute minority in Germany. He actively sought out Asian-read women. There is a difference.
Manuel's new girlfriend did not dignify me with a glance at the party. The situation was probably as uncomfortable for her as it was for me.
Rassismus und Dating: "Seine Familie fragte mich, ob wir zu Hause Hundefleisch essen"
Milena datete einen Typen mit Asiatinnenfetisch, Sophia hörte sich bei der Familie ihres Freundes rassistische Sprüche an. Über antiasiatischen Rassismus beim Dating
www.zeit.de
Zeit is a green party affiliated liberal shitrag. It sounds just as idiotic in german as it does in english
