I hear it all the the time. That men are too choosy, that they want the moon and have nothing to offer for it. That if you want to be with someone you have to lower your standards.
The truth is though. I've already had that relationship. The one where I did absolutely everything to make it work. She didn't make money? That's okay, I've got enough for both of us. She didn't have time to plan dates because of her hobbies? That's okay, I can bring the romance. I was best friends with her family, with her friends, fucked her regularly, worked out, had my own hobbies, my own life and made sure she was a big part of it. She still cheated. She still criticized everything I did. She still brought my self esteem so low that I honestly did believe that I was worthless.
So no. I will not lower my standards of wanting a partner who has emotional awareness, emotional maturity, ambition for her future, cognizance of her past. I will not lower my standards of wanting someone who communicates healthily, who works through her trauma, who wants a partner to build a future with.
And if you tell me that I'm asking for too much, that no one will meet those expectations. Then so be it. Because I've already had the relationship with someone who doesn't genuinely know or love herself let alone know or love me. And I'd rather be alone.
Edit to add: I know that plenty of folks are saying that this is not what people mean by "lower your standards", we're talking requirements tied to looks. But unfortunately, in my experience I've met plenty of folks in the dating world who thought these "basics" were asking for too much. Hence my vent. I hope I'm wrong and maybe I just had a string of really bad dates. But based on some of the responses here I don't think I'm the only one out there being told that their basic requirements are "too high".
Second edit to explain my ex a bit more since this has come up a couple times:
I didn't pick a "top 10% girl". By the rules of the internet- She was not 5'7 tall, She didn't have a big ass, and she was in a residency program so she didn't make that much money.
I chose her because she made me laugh, she matched my energy, she enjoyed how weird I was, she had direction and ambition, and she seemed like a genuinely caring person. And if you ask her family and friends, they would still say that she is. But being in a relationship with her? At first she was great. But little by little she became controlling and selfish.
For what it's worth i don't think she was an evil, unempathetic person. Just someone who behaved selfishly, put her partner last, and got comfortable with me putting in a majorityof the effort. You know, that classic "now that i have you, i don't need to try" sentiment. I didn't grow up with healthy relationship role models so I stayed much longer than a sane person would have, I had to learn the hard way I guess.
But believe me, she didn't fit the online dating perfect girl physical model, she just seemed like she had a great personality in the beginning. After that it became a frog in boiling water situation.