Curious0
Banned
-
- Joined
- May 2, 2018
- Posts
- 2,697
I always had social anxiety. I was one of the most socially awkward boys you could imagine. My head went from white to bloodred when a person even noticed me.
I remember this one time when I wanted to buy a perfume. They didn't have it in the store so I had to ask the female employee if they could order it. My skin showed red dots, it was itchy and my voice was high pitched. I felt so inferior. I always worried what people would think of me. "Doesn't she think to herself what this ugly guy wants to do with a perfume..this pathetic tryhard" I was wondering.
I was never able to talk to people appropriately due to my anxiety. I'm still not able to do it, but because of the lack of experience, not the actual anxiety.
In less than 80 years, which is a ridiculously small amount of time, we will be dust particles. No more, no less. Our existence will be completely vanished. Hence, whatever I do, it just does not matter. We're all in the same boat, no matter of our attractiveness: we are all fucked. Our lives are senseless. Everything in this world is meaningless.
So why should I care about anything?
Why should I care about fucking up an approach?
Why should I care about fucking up an exam?
Why should I care about getting into a fight?
It all doesn't matter, because nothing really matters.
This life is surreal. It's a cute videogame. We are all playing the game on different difficulties, but in the end it's game over for everybody.
The most beautiful girl is just a piece of flesh, water and bacteria. Just like everybody else. When I remind myself of this, I won't feel intimidated. I'll feel superior as I am aware of the fact that her life is just as meaningless as mine while she might be coping with her religious mindset that doing good deeds matters.
This nihilistic mindset has helped me so much. My anxiety is at an all time low.
I remember this one time when I wanted to buy a perfume. They didn't have it in the store so I had to ask the female employee if they could order it. My skin showed red dots, it was itchy and my voice was high pitched. I felt so inferior. I always worried what people would think of me. "Doesn't she think to herself what this ugly guy wants to do with a perfume..this pathetic tryhard" I was wondering.
I was never able to talk to people appropriately due to my anxiety. I'm still not able to do it, but because of the lack of experience, not the actual anxiety.
In less than 80 years, which is a ridiculously small amount of time, we will be dust particles. No more, no less. Our existence will be completely vanished. Hence, whatever I do, it just does not matter. We're all in the same boat, no matter of our attractiveness: we are all fucked. Our lives are senseless. Everything in this world is meaningless.
So why should I care about anything?
Why should I care about fucking up an approach?
Why should I care about fucking up an exam?
Why should I care about getting into a fight?
It all doesn't matter, because nothing really matters.
This life is surreal. It's a cute videogame. We are all playing the game on different difficulties, but in the end it's game over for everybody.
The most beautiful girl is just a piece of flesh, water and bacteria. Just like everybody else. When I remind myself of this, I won't feel intimidated. I'll feel superior as I am aware of the fact that her life is just as meaningless as mine while she might be coping with her religious mindset that doing good deeds matters.
This nihilistic mindset has helped me so much. My anxiety is at an all time low.