Experiment NEED opinions on a new work about Clowns/carnivals, a new memoir, just the opening passage

[Lordgoro1]

It's a true hybrid of past memoir in the present tense, as in a conversation. Need opinions on the OPENING PAGE/passage! Does it grab ya as a reader, and compel you to read on and see where it might go? This is brand new, and the event happened to me, so I'm telling it in this manner. So Opinions are welcome:

"Tribulations of a Clown"
"One crowded evening, I was strolling down the busily blinking midway, finally and gleefully free to see the sights and lights. With Kaleidoscopic colors thrilling my young eyes.
Hi. I'm Johnny D, and I'm a carnival clown, and not the only one. There are a few of us, lurking around, here and there. Now ya see us, now ya don't. As quick as a discarded colored hairpiece and red nose and we are one of you, a “normal” person, or a “mark”, as the barkers label them. The barkers, those are the slicksters running the rigged games, the booming voices bidding you tales of prizes and glory. Y'all know it's only hopes and shadows, but y'all as marks still choose to play our games anyway! Jokes on you, you'll never win unless you learn their secrets, and yes, there are secrets here."

 

[Lordgoro1]

No opinions on the style/content/etc?

 

[Emba]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcd9N62nOLg

 

[Lordgoro1]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcd9N62nOLg

Hehe, of course..

 

[Lordgoro1]

Posted this passage/opening in fb writing groups, many seem to love it (so far)

 

[Uggo Mongo]

Clowns aren't even associated with carnivals

Clowns perform at the circus

It's not quite the same thing

 

[Lordgoro1]

Clowns aren't even associated with carnivals

Clowns perform at the circus

It's not quite the same thing

I know trust me. There Are carnival clowns though, I was one of them. My job was to irritate people. Which I did quite well. Ill explain it all in the story. I traveled with the carnival down the east coast.

View: https://youtu.be/9Kti-bAe2qk?t=69

 

[Uggo Mongo]

I know trust me. There Are carnival clowns though, I was one of them. My job was to irritate people. Which I did quite well. Ill explain it all in the story. I traveled with the carnival down the east coast.

View: https://youtu.be/9Kti-bAe2qk?t=69

 

[Lordgoro1]

Not very smart are ya? Thats ok. a big professionally published writer just called my work "strangely addicting to read". So I'm quite pleased thanks, regardless of your purposeful ignorance.

 

[Uggo Mongo]

Not very smart are ya? Thats ok. a big professionally published writer just called my work "strangely addicting to read". So I'm quite pleased thanks, regardless of your purposeful ignorance.

The fictional account was rather shite!

 

[Lordgoro1]

Not very smart are ya? Thats ok. a big professionally published writer just called my work "strangely addicting to read". So I'm quite pleased thanks, regardless of your purposeful ignorance.

This fact is Doubly satisfying since my formal education STOPPED in the middle of the 6th grade! HA!

 

[zangano1]

clowns me

 

[Uggo Mongo]

This fact is Doubly satisfying since my formal education STOPPED in the middle of the 6th grade! HA!

It does look like a 6th grader wrote it, makes sense.

 

[Lordgoro1]

It does look like a 6th grader wrote it, makes sense.

I normally wont stoop to insults, but you are an ignorant idiot. So be it. There's more intelligence in my pinky toe than you possess in your entire idiotic frame. Understood.

 

[Uggo Mongo]

I normally wont stoop to insults, but you are an ignorant idiot. So be it. There's more intelligence in my pinky toe than you possess in your entire idiotic frame. Understood.
View attachment 833446

You write fiction. You're not good at it but you write a lot of it!

 

[Lordgoro1]

"Yes, you are going to be scammed. There's no doubt about that. But with a leering false camaraderie, feeling utter joy while loosely gripping the oversized comb you have just won for your crumpled greasy dollar, though the comb is only worth a paltry five cents. Whether you toss a baseball, throw a plastic ring, or shoot a water gun at a clown's mouth. You are always going to lose one way or another. Even if you actually win, you lose, and yet you will remain utterly pleased about it. At least you tried right?

You aren't here for the prizes, and never were. You enter our midway for the lights, the crowds, and the grand show of it all, the experience, which I guarantee you shall never forget. "

 

[Lordgoro1]

Useful Im sure. hehe