RageFuel Nasim Aghdam should've gone for vice instead

[jerrycan dan]

The VICE Guide to Tinder for Men, by a Woman
Let us help you.

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It's pretty common to hear dudes complain about how hard it is to use Tinder when you have a dick. As a woman, I'm not surprised at that since I swipe left on 95 percent of the profiles I encounter in the never-ending human carousel. But if you're wondering why your matches are sparse or why you've been ghosted on so frequently, you might be stumped as to what you're doing wrong.

Tfw you're a woman and forget to check Tinder for like a day. We have options, and it's imperative you remember that.

I get the Tinder struggle. I've been using this wretched app for close to a year. Before I deleted the app recently, I had hundreds of matches, a Tinder Social gangbang, and blocked more phone numbers and Snapchat accounts than I care to count. Within the hours upon hours of time I spent swiping, I identified some common mistakes dudes make. You can hate on me for being a succubus, but I'm here to help you as a woman who has used this app entirely too much. And to do that, I've put together a guide for men looking to improve their Tinder game.


Group Shots as Profile Photos
No one wants to take the time to try to guess which one is you. And especially if you are using a group shot as your main photo—which is way too common—you're inevitably going to get more swipes left. It's safer to just not.

From the thousands of profiles I've swiped on, it seems some of you are scared to take selfies. Stop that. Take a selfie, give us a shot of your body, another photo or two of you, and maybe a meme for good measure.

How to Make Your Bio Not Suck

When it comes to bios, do less. Give us a couple brief points about yourself or write a sentence or two that shows you are creative, funny, or have some other desirable personality trait. Height shouldn't be mandatory (as many of you seem to think it is); I personally would ask if I was so concerned.

The profiles above are examples of things you maybe shouldn't put in a bio:

1. "I own a business and 6 cars": I think the dating site you're looking for is SeekingArrangement, bro.
2. "Swipe right if you have more things to talk about other than reality tv and celebrities... cop car emoji no drug abusers either": Wow, way to shame strangers on a dating app, but good on you for letting everyone know you are a closed-minded, judgmental prick. You are probably the feds.
3. [poorly crafted giant block of text]: Spewing lyrics and then listing off some activities you like with not so much as a line break... Yeah, swipes left
4. "I have an opinion about women. Prove me wrong": Along with that profile photo, you've successfully let every woman on this app know that you are a misogynist. Good luck with that.

A Note on Animals in Tinder Photos

Animals are cute and pure and way better than humans. I tend to agree. Full disclosure: I've swiped right due to a cute cat or dog, and many women I know have done the same. It definitely can have an effect, depending on the lady. However, there's a right and wrong way to incorporate furry friends in our Tinder profiles.

In all the profiles above, we see some weaker ways to incorporate animals: laying out a bunch of dead birds on the ground like a physical manifestation of your toxic masculinity; a close-up selfie of you with a horse; you flailing a fish in a little girl's face. swipes left


The dudes below know what they're doing. Look at this cute (one-eyed?) cat; look at this man who is majestic as fuck riding a horse in a beautiful landscape. swipes right

Speaking of Photos, Let's Talk About These Ones of Inanimate Objects

Super Liking Can Be Kind of Creepy

I personally felt a bit sick to my stomach every time I saw a super-like notification come up on my phone until I did myself the favour of disabling them. I don't know for sure why—maybe it's just the type of dudes I attract—but nine times out of ten, the men who super-liked me tended to be those I would never let touch me, let alone put their dicks in me. It comes across as aggro to super-like since you are immediately pushed up in a woman's feed. Sometimes, it can work if she finds you mutually as attractive instead of being instantly repulsed.

One of the first dudes I hooked up with from Tinder super-liked me; that ended with us fucking twice and me ghosting on him after because I could tell he was quickly becoming obsessed and possessive. Now, I tend to see super-likes as a warning sign.


In sum, if you're going to super-like, do so carefully and sparingly. I personally have only done it three times: two on accident, the other time to troll a friend.

Uniforms Are Not as Sexy as You Think

YOU ARE LITERALLY THE FEDS. Also, what would your employers think of you being in your work uniform on Tinder? Hmm?

Also, Guns

I mean, at least you're being open about being a gun nut so those of us who are freaked out can slam that red X. Props to you for that, boys.

Be Honest with Your Intentions
Some men on this app are pretty vague with their intentions when you're deciding on if you'd like to meet up. If you want to fuck, just say it at some point instead of being coy—don't say you want to "chill." I think most women would rather know what they're getting into instead of showing up expecting to grab a friendly drink and then within five minutes you are trying to grab their pussy.

However, opening a conversation with "DTF?" or "I'm going to dick you down like Lex Steele" (yes, I've actually seen this) might not be the best idea. Again, the goal is to not creep out a woman immediately. Once you test the waters by exchanging a few messages, maybe you could drop a lewd line if she seems down. That said, let's work on openers.

Conversation Openers

Here's some examples of bad ways to get a woman on Tinder to talk to you: being corny, being clout-seeking, or asking a complete stranger to give you a birthday gift.If you want a reply, simple seems pretty effective: some version of "Hey, what's up?" Alternatively, you could ask her something benign about her job or interests from her bio or give her a compliment that is nice but not creepy. Here's a couple that worked on me:

Where to Have a First Tinder Date
First of all, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT insist a woman you've never met from Tinder come over to your place for a first date. Or at least don't present it as the only option. If she brings it up, then go for it. But generally speaking, we are not pizza; you can't just order us to your house. Not saying it couldn't work for some brave ladies out there, but it's nice to give a more neutral option to start, say somewhere public like a bar or coffee shop.


Be a Weed Dealer

I definitely swiped right on this profile.

Don't Be a White Dude with Dreads

Shave your head, delete your account.

Sometimes It's Not About You

This is important to remember. Seriously, sometimes it is just us. We lose interest, unmatch, get busy with our lives, ghost. Sometimes, just like you, we're here to people-watch.

The last thing a woman wants to see when she decides to open Tinder after a few days of not checking it is multiple messages from a man who is upset that she hasn't replied yet. If your message history with a woman looks like you're talking to yourself, you're doing it wrong.

If a woman unmatches you, please do not try to contact her on any form of social media. Trust me, it probably was intentional, and dwelling on it will only hold you back from future meaningless sex and potential meaningful relationships.

 

[tooth monster]

laying out a bunch of dead birds on the ground like a physical manifestation of your toxic masculinity

VICE shoot-up when?

 

[FrothySolutions]

But if I wanna write an article telling women what to be to satisfy my expectations, that's wrong?

 

[jerrycan dan]

But if I wanna write an article telling women what to be to satisfy my expectations, that's wrong?

how long would the article be?

 

[Cuyen]

It's really funny how these (((shooters))) don't go for such places

 

[real truecel]

This is dumb, nothing of that matters if you look good, even bio.

 

[FrothySolutions]

how long would the article be?

Doesn't matter. The hypocrisy here is, if I tell a woman "Wear heels and don't be such a bitch" I'm toxic. If a woman tells me how to dress? It's a helpful hint. Tells me how to act? It's a fair commentary on how men are bad.

 

[jerrycan dan]

This is dumb, nothing of that matters if you look good, even bio.

look at the good example of animal pics with the ripped six pack chad on a horse lmao, we are a lesser form of life compared to him

 

[gnomen1]

Some foid rambling about what works and not on Tinder, rofl. If you are not Chad, don´t even try it.

 

[slaaneshcel]

Man: follow this guide that will never work
Female: just exist.
This 46y/o 4/10 bitch at work was telling me about how she used plenty of fish to hook up with much younger guys and told me to try it out. I wish I could fucking quit so I dont have to interact with whores anymore

 

[Deleted member 8884]

Or just be chad tbh, and they'll look past all of that (srs)

 

[WawelDragon1683]

Reading this made me want to puke.

 

[AlwaysLawRoute]

What a load of crap,anyone that has done Chad experiments on Tinder knows that you can make an extremely simplified profile or hell even portray "yourself" as a total asshole insulting women and still get tons of matches.And they even start the conversation.

 

[BitterCel]

haha wouldn't it be really funny if a pipe bomb went off at the vice headquarters haha

 

[Deleted member 3385]

you can just see the arrogance and entitlement coming from this foid.

Sometimes, it can work if she finds you mutually as attractive instead of being instantly repulsed.

this dumb bitch could have just summed up this whole thing as "be attractive, don't be unattractive"

 

[seija]

So basically the lesson that we've learned is that foids like animals, specifically horses & dogs. We have also learned that this foid who wrote this article is some entitled bitch.

 

[AsiaCel]

Unexpected dogpill

 

[Of Manlets and Men]

Before reading this drivel, I wouldn't have thought it possible to squeeze so much arrogance, ignorance, self-righteousness, condescension, and sheer stupidity into one relatively short screed, but this cunt managed to do it. She's beyond comically stereotypical as the man-hating, holier-than-thou feminist bitch gazing majestically down upon the hordes of lonely men looking for love as Marie Antionette gazed down upon the peasants. If I were writing an incel-themed novel and created a feminist villain character, I wouldn't even be able to come close to giving her the sheer level of pure evil that this cunt has in real life.

Perhaps the most hilariously stinky turd in this foid's giant pile of verbal diarrhea is the way she inserts her own personal biases, irrational likes and dislikes, and rabid SJW beliefs into her rant, which she then presents as a "guide" for men on how to deal with women in general. Either she's admitting that women are all the same and therefore we are justified in referring to them as "foids," or else she's so arrogant and delusional that she thinks HER personal biases are so super-special that they should be hailed as the final authority on what ALL women like and dislike. So which is it, cunt?

This cunt is the epitome of the absolute worst level a foid can reach - the faux-blackpiller who admits her female privilege but feels no guilt or shame about it and rubs it in the faces of the oppressed. Even the dishonest, hypocritical bluepilled woman who denies female privilege is less obnoxious, because as disgusting as lies and hypocrisy are, the hypocrite has to at least pretend to act like a decent human being, and will at least refrain from bullying and harassing incels as long as the cameras are rolling. But the faux-blackpilled cunt will wage bloodthirsty jihad against us marginalized, persecuted incels 24/7. The evil type of "honesty" is no virtue. The rich liar and hypocrite must occasionally donate money to the poor to keep up appearances, thereby doing some good even if there is no good in his heart. What good is the "honest" rich asshole who does nothing but rub his wealth in the faces of the poor?

This cunt truly has reached the maximum level of evil possible for a privileged being. Even worse than someone who denies her privilege, she admits her privilege but thinks that she has somehow "earned" it, that it is somehow "right" that she has it (the just world fallacy).

Seriously, this cunt's whole screed can be summed up as Marie Antionette telling the peasants, "Just eat cake, bro!"

 

[acnescarcel]

lol any opinion besides women are amazing and the best=misogyny

 

[Deleted member 15737]

Before reading this drivel, I wouldn't have thought it possible to squeeze so much arrogance, ignorance, self-righteousness, condescension, and sheer stupidity into one relatively short screed, but this cunt managed to do it. She's beyond comically stereotypical as the man-hating, holier-than-thou feminist bitch gazing majestically down upon the hordes of lonely men looking for love as Marie Antionette gazed down upon the peasants. If I were writing an incel-themed novel and created a feminist villain character, I wouldn't even be able to come close to giving her the sheer level of pure evil that this cunt has in real life.

Perhaps the most hilariously stinky turd in this foid's giant pile of verbal diarrhea is the way she inserts her own personal biases, irrational likes and dislikes, and rabid SJW beliefs into her rant, which she then presents as a "guide" for men on how to deal with women in general. Either she's admitting that women are all the same and therefore we are justified in referring to them as "foids," or else she's so arrogant and delusional that she thinks HER personal biases are so super-special that they should be hailed as the final authority on what ALL women like and dislike. So which is it, cunt?

This cunt is the epitome of the absolute worst level a foid can reach - the faux-blackpiller who admits her female privilege but feels no guilt or shame about it and rubs it in the faces of the oppressed. Even the dishonest, hypocritical bluepilled woman who denies female privilege is less obnoxious, because as disgusting as lies and hypocrisy are, the hypocrite has to at least pretend to act like a decent human being, and will at least refrain from bullying and harassing incels as long as the cameras are rolling. But the faux-blackpilled cunt will wage bloodthirsty jihad against us marginalized, persecuted incels 24/7. The evil type of "honesty" is no virtue. The rich liar and hypocrite must occasionally donate money to the poor to keep up appearances, thereby doing some good even if there is no good in his heart. What good is the "honest" rich asshole who does nothing but rub his wealth in the faces of the poor?

This cunt truly has reached the maximum level of evil possible for a privileged being. Even worse than someone who denies her privilege, she admits her privilege but thinks that she has somehow "earned" it, that it is somehow "right" that she has it (the just world fallacy).

Seriously, this cunt's whole screed can be summed up as Marie Antionette telling the peasants, "Just eat cake, bro!"

Honestly, you summed it up perfectly. All her advice is absolute shit anyway.

We’ve already proven that Chad with swastika tattoos, Pedophile Chad’s, Chad’s with depression, Chad’s with felony records, Chad’s with basically any negative trait can get a decent number of matches.

Meanwhile, a incel that volunteers at the homeless shelter, gives all his money to the local orphanage and has a 100k annual salary is lucky to get 1 or 2 matches a year and that’s with landwhales and disabled single mothers.

 

[jerrycan dan]

Before reading this drivel, I wouldn't have thought it possible to squeeze so much arrogance, ignorance, self-righteousness, condescension, and sheer stupidity into one relatively short screed, but this cunt managed to do it. She's beyond comically stereotypical as the man-hating, holier-than-thou feminist bitch gazing majestically down upon the hordes of lonely men looking for love as Marie Antionette gazed down upon the peasants. If I were writing an incel-themed novel and created a feminist villain character, I wouldn't even be able to come close to giving her the sheer level of pure evil that this cunt has in real life.

Perhaps the most hilariously stinky turd in this foid's giant pile of verbal diarrhea is the way she inserts her own personal biases, irrational likes and dislikes, and rabid SJW beliefs into her rant, which she then presents as a "guide" for men on how to deal with women in general. Either she's admitting that women are all the same and therefore we are justified in referring to them as "foids," or else she's so arrogant and delusional that she thinks HER personal biases are so super-special that they should be hailed as the final authority on what ALL women like and dislike. So which is it, cunt?

This cunt is the epitome of the absolute worst level a foid can reach - the faux-blackpiller who admits her female privilege but feels no guilt or shame about it and rubs it in the faces of the oppressed. Even the dishonest, hypocritical bluepilled woman who denies female privilege is less obnoxious, because as disgusting as lies and hypocrisy are, the hypocrite has to at least pretend to act like a decent human being, and will at least refrain from bullying and harassing incels as long as the cameras are rolling. But the faux-blackpilled cunt will wage bloodthirsty jihad against us marginalized, persecuted incels 24/7. The evil type of "honesty" is no virtue. The rich liar and hypocrite must occasionally donate money to the poor to keep up appearances, thereby doing some good even if there is no good in his heart. What good is the "honest" rich asshole who does nothing but rub his wealth in the faces of the poor?

This cunt truly has reached the maximum level of evil possible for a privileged being. Even worse than someone who denies her privilege, she admits her privilege but thinks that she has somehow "earned" it, that it is somehow "right" that she has it (the just world fallacy).

Seriously, this cunt's whole screed can be summed up as Marie Antionette telling the peasants, "Just eat cake, bro!"

Good post. The obnoxious cunts that try to pull this stuff are the most despicable women there are.

 

[Guest2]

VICE shoot-up when?

Oh i didn't read the article so I thought he was talking about birds as in what we call women in the UK, and I was like
But now he's talking about like pigeons it just doesn't have me as excited.

 

[SlayerSlayer]

I've noticed that trash media writers have this sort of genre, this one is a perfect example, that does nothing but feed a foid hivemind. Say a foid read this article, and previously never had any of these neurotic hangups this one has. Well she does NOW.

These trash writers constantly feed these mindless women, not choices, not empowerment, BUT hot lava. The foid walks on a tiled floor, and writers/vloggers like this one throw hot lava at it. The conventional routes these tiles take you on are no longer safe. They no longer take you where you'd independently want to go, but rather the hot lava gears you toward a specific direction: CHAD.

CHAD doesn't superlike, like a CREEP incel.
CHAD doesn't open gimmicky. He just says "Hey"
CHAD rides a horse shirtless in all his Tinder photos.