think of the reason I got schizoid is because the adult rejected me.
When I was a child, I was very feminine. So people took advantage of that expecially my religion teacher, put a tudong on me and the whole class laught at me, that's was very dehumanizing as a man. My teacher will call me disabled because of my bad writing skills. My peers would constanly bully me. My father would send me to soccer practice in which I disliked Soo much to a point that I cried every single time I went there.
My father told me that to be a man, I have to play soccer because that's what people do. But the worst part is that he forced me to a point that he scream to me, saying that I'm not appreciating his effort on making me "happy".
Now that I remember, I didn't really remember that I was happy. I don't know even fucking know if I was ever happy. Such concept were foreign to me because I just don't felt it.
Now before you guys told me I have autism, I don't. I understand that human can love,hate,jealous and etc. I have the cognitive empathy, I know when people are disinterested in what I talk about,if people love me or what. I just find all of it pointless, I find this life meaningless.
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PlasticFigure490
OP1 point·6 days ago
She hit me because of my fault, but at that time my father wanted to divorce her. I come to a conclusion that my family problem with each other were release to me.
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PlasticFigure490
OP2 points·6 days ago·edited 6 days ago
The truth I don't really felt that much when I tell my mother about everything. My trauma, how she hit me because of what I done as a child to my father phone. You see right, my father hate my grandpa and grandma(mother side), to a point in which he always mention those guys name everytime they fight with each other. There's this one time my father shaved my sister head till she were bald because he though that my grandpa instruct my sister to do, the truth is it was all a misunderstanding.
When I was a child, I was very feminine. So people took advantage of that expecially my religion teacher, put a tudong on me and the whole class laught at me, that's was very dehumanizing as a man. My teacher will call me disabled because of my bad writing skills. My peers would constanly bully me. My father would send me to soccer practice in which I disliked Soo much to a point that I cried every single time I went there.
My father told me that to be a man, I have to play soccer because that's what people do. But the worst part is that he forced me to a point that he scream to me, saying that I'm not appreciating his effort on making me "happy".
Now that I remember, I didn't really remember that I was happy. I don't know even fucking know if I was ever happy. Such concept were foreign to me because I just don't felt it.
Now before you guys told me I have autism, I don't. I understand that human can love,hate,jealous and etc. I have the cognitive empathy, I know when people are disinterested in what I talk about,if people love me or what. I just find all of it pointless, I find this life meaningless.
Reply
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PlasticFigure490
OP1 point·6 days ago
She hit me because of my fault, but at that time my father wanted to divorce her. I come to a conclusion that my family problem with each other were release to me.
Reply
Share
PlasticFigure490
OP2 points·6 days ago·edited 6 days ago
The truth I don't really felt that much when I tell my mother about everything. My trauma, how she hit me because of what I done as a child to my father phone. You see right, my father hate my grandpa and grandma(mother side), to a point in which he always mention those guys name everytime they fight with each other. There's this one time my father shaved my sister head till she were bald because he though that my grandpa instruct my sister to do, the truth is it was all a misunderstanding.
