ScornedStoic
St. Dancecel
★★★★★
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2018
- Posts
- 21,841
- Online
- 160d 10h 20m
I just realized I've known my oneitis for 2 thirds of my life now, even though we haven't been talking for years.
For those that think ever having had a oneitis is cucked, I disagree, but regardless, she had a unique impact on my life more because she was my only friend. If she had been a guy, she would have still occupied an important place in my life, I just wouldn't have fallen in love with her like I did.
We met when I was 7 and she 8, both from pretty terrible backgrounds for different reasons. For those different reasons, we both ended up as complete social outcasts at our school and had our fair share of mental health problems. I know how we all talk how girls can't really have it hard, and I agree, but I would argue children are an exception. Once she got puberty, she got all the privileges afforded women, but as a 8 year old age had it rough. Her dad had cancer and her mom was an abusive alcoholic. She was poor. There was no love in her family and certainly none in her, our, school.
She had 2 friends when I met her, a brother-sister pair who were also not well off, and had some behavioral issues. I met her through my brother, and I was soon quasi-part of the group-only friends with her, really.
She was my first friend at that point, and my only friend since. I mean "friend" in the actual beyond acquaintances-sense, we actually talked on the phone (I imagine 7-10 year olds would text today, but cellphones weren't a thing yet), visited each other's houses and emailed. We sat together at class and played together at recess. I actually had a friend for once in my life, and I was estatic. No NT person before or since has liked me despite my autism. It didn't take me very long to fall in love with her even at that age.
Well... The rest of the story is painful, but I wouldn't be here if you didn't already know the ending. It's just weird to think it's been more than twice the time it took to meet her since first doing so. And that I've been pretty much mentally fucked at how things ended and haven't had a friend in a decade since.
I honestly wish it'd never happened. I've been isolated my entire life and got to taste normality for just a couple years. And then it was taken from me and I've never known it since. It's like giving a Mars bar to a child before starving him for 2 months.
I wish I could forget the whole thing, but nothing can ease the tempest in my heart.
For those that think ever having had a oneitis is cucked, I disagree, but regardless, she had a unique impact on my life more because she was my only friend. If she had been a guy, she would have still occupied an important place in my life, I just wouldn't have fallen in love with her like I did.
We met when I was 7 and she 8, both from pretty terrible backgrounds for different reasons. For those different reasons, we both ended up as complete social outcasts at our school and had our fair share of mental health problems. I know how we all talk how girls can't really have it hard, and I agree, but I would argue children are an exception. Once she got puberty, she got all the privileges afforded women, but as a 8 year old age had it rough. Her dad had cancer and her mom was an abusive alcoholic. She was poor. There was no love in her family and certainly none in her, our, school.
She had 2 friends when I met her, a brother-sister pair who were also not well off, and had some behavioral issues. I met her through my brother, and I was soon quasi-part of the group-only friends with her, really.
She was my first friend at that point, and my only friend since. I mean "friend" in the actual beyond acquaintances-sense, we actually talked on the phone (I imagine 7-10 year olds would text today, but cellphones weren't a thing yet), visited each other's houses and emailed. We sat together at class and played together at recess. I actually had a friend for once in my life, and I was estatic. No NT person before or since has liked me despite my autism. It didn't take me very long to fall in love with her even at that age.
Well... The rest of the story is painful, but I wouldn't be here if you didn't already know the ending. It's just weird to think it's been more than twice the time it took to meet her since first doing so. And that I've been pretty much mentally fucked at how things ended and haven't had a friend in a decade since.
I honestly wish it'd never happened. I've been isolated my entire life and got to taste normality for just a couple years. And then it was taken from me and I've never known it since. It's like giving a Mars bar to a child before starving him for 2 months.
I wish I could forget the whole thing, but nothing can ease the tempest in my heart.
