We're poor as fuck. For the past few years I have stocked up on long term storage foods from the food pantry and cheap food to save for when money is tight. I have half a year's worth of couscous, rice, bulgar, oats, barley, pasta, lentils, chickpeas, canned foods, instant mashed potatoes, soup base, and other shit along with oils and spices to make everything decent tasting. She doesn't get enough money from her disability checks and she's always wasting money on fast food, she's always irresponsible with her money and getting overdrawn and forcing me to give her nearly all my money to pay the rest of the bills and her overdrafts. She never took the advice of the financial advice guy at the church pantry, the whole reason we go there is to save money, that's why I have all this food saved up like we planned. I was a picky eater when I was a child but she is way worse. She forces me to spend ludicrous amounts of money ordering delivery multiple times a week because she refuses to eat anything that isn't fast food or Italian delivery. She will only eat expensive food that either has meat, is covered in cheese, or loaded down with sugar. I can't just tell her NO, because then she doesn't want to eat anything and her blood sugar fucks up.
My dad left her because all she does rot in front of the TV watching shitty reality shows while dozing in and out of opiate naps, she's been LDARing like this for thirty fucking years. She has has MS, fucked up ankles, a fucked up back, and diabetes. On top of that, she is dangerously obese, having the body shape of Egg Man from Sonic only makes her even more disabled. She refuses to try to do anything to lose the wait, her excuse is that she's to "get better" before she tries... There is no getting better in America, we're poor and healthcare is run by Mr.Shekelburg. Even we had $120K to send her to Panama for stem cell treatment, if the MS was gone, she'd still just lay in front of that TV all day. She uses a walker because she cannot stand up without it, she moves slower than a 90 year old. Because of this, I have to do all the cleaning, cooking (rarely for her), laundry, and yardwork. She can't handle heat at all so she just lays in bed with nothing but a diaper on, only getting up to scoot her way to the bathroom while simultaneously shitting and pissing all over the hallway and the bathroom floor. There is shit in the hallway right now as I'm typing this that I'm about to have to clean up. She falls down a lot and can't get back up on her own, I often hear her screaming my name so I can come pick her up and drag her back to her bed, which is incredibly difficult because of her obesity and I often hurt myself in the process. She's often covered is shit, piss, and sweat when she falls down and I have to take my shirt off and wrap a towel around my waist first so I don't get it on my pants. After dragging her to her room, wet wiping her back and struggling to get her in her bed, I go straight to the shower cry as I was the filth off my chest and arms. What makes it worse is that when I was a kid, I had ear tubes put in that should have never been put there and caused more problems than they solved, the non permanent one in my right ear fell out and the hole healed but when the permanent one fell out of my left ear over fifteen years later, it left a gaping hole in my eardrum that left me nearly deaf in my left ear. Insurance refuses to pay for the $10,000 operation to patch the hole and restore my hearing. I sleep on my right side so that means if she falls down while I'm sleeping, she might be there screaming my name for hours until I wake up and hear her. Before I got fired from my last shitty job, sometimes she would fall down while I was at work. I'd have to walk home after getting off and break the side door window to get in because we only had one house key. I'd find her on the floor too far away from a phone to have called me.
There's an 80 year old dude that take walks around our neighborhood who stops and talks to my mom and I when he sees me helping her out of the car. He told me Jesus loves me and I'm going to heaven for helping my mom out. What a retarded fucking cope. Not only am I my mother's in home nurse, but I'm a genetic monster who looks like Danny DeVito and Uncle Fester's inbred retarded butt baby. When I was a baby, my dad had me in a grocery cart in a parking and was playing around like it was a scooter, he fucked up and launched me face first like fifteen feet our of the cart and I landed on my face. This left me with an asymmetrical brow ridge I'll never have to money to fix. My parents didn't give a fuck, instead of immediately taking me to the hospital to check for brain damage and taking me to a craniofacial surgeon to fix my brow ridge they just took me home in fear of what CPS might do. Then he would tell me "how cool it was" because I covered my face with my hands as I was getting launched and protected my eyes. On top of that, a bully beat me up really bad in middle school and left my eye disfigured with enopthalmos that insurance won't cover the operation to fix so now I look like a downy with a lazy eye and I can't leave my house without an eyepatch on. Then in high school, to crown me as The Shah of Incelistan, The Truecel of Truecels, I starting norwooding in NINTH FUCKING GRADE and was NW7 before I even turned 21!
So I'm doomed, I'm an ugly virgin with no friends forced to take care of my sickly mother until I kill myself. I'm so ugly that I'll never have a waifu to help around the house and take care of my mother. I don't want this misery to be my life but there is no way to fix it... The amount of money it costs to fix my face is ungodly, every time I wake up, I want to die. I don't think I can make it another year like this. The thought of living like this makes me sick to my stomach and thinking of suicide is the only way I can feel better about it. I feel suicide is the most practical solution and I'll be starting my journey soon. If my mother is smart, she'll kill herself when they find my decomposing subhuman carcass because there is no point to living as a diseased untermensch abomination anyway. The government should have executed my mother and I both and thrown us in incinerators a long time ago. There is no fucking cope when there is no fucking hope. I'm worthless. Fuck life. I want to start prayopavesa before Christmas.
My dad left her because all she does rot in front of the TV watching shitty reality shows while dozing in and out of opiate naps, she's been LDARing like this for thirty fucking years. She has has MS, fucked up ankles, a fucked up back, and diabetes. On top of that, she is dangerously obese, having the body shape of Egg Man from Sonic only makes her even more disabled. She refuses to try to do anything to lose the wait, her excuse is that she's to "get better" before she tries... There is no getting better in America, we're poor and healthcare is run by Mr.Shekelburg. Even we had $120K to send her to Panama for stem cell treatment, if the MS was gone, she'd still just lay in front of that TV all day. She uses a walker because she cannot stand up without it, she moves slower than a 90 year old. Because of this, I have to do all the cleaning, cooking (rarely for her), laundry, and yardwork. She can't handle heat at all so she just lays in bed with nothing but a diaper on, only getting up to scoot her way to the bathroom while simultaneously shitting and pissing all over the hallway and the bathroom floor. There is shit in the hallway right now as I'm typing this that I'm about to have to clean up. She falls down a lot and can't get back up on her own, I often hear her screaming my name so I can come pick her up and drag her back to her bed, which is incredibly difficult because of her obesity and I often hurt myself in the process. She's often covered is shit, piss, and sweat when she falls down and I have to take my shirt off and wrap a towel around my waist first so I don't get it on my pants. After dragging her to her room, wet wiping her back and struggling to get her in her bed, I go straight to the shower cry as I was the filth off my chest and arms. What makes it worse is that when I was a kid, I had ear tubes put in that should have never been put there and caused more problems than they solved, the non permanent one in my right ear fell out and the hole healed but when the permanent one fell out of my left ear over fifteen years later, it left a gaping hole in my eardrum that left me nearly deaf in my left ear. Insurance refuses to pay for the $10,000 operation to patch the hole and restore my hearing. I sleep on my right side so that means if she falls down while I'm sleeping, she might be there screaming my name for hours until I wake up and hear her. Before I got fired from my last shitty job, sometimes she would fall down while I was at work. I'd have to walk home after getting off and break the side door window to get in because we only had one house key. I'd find her on the floor too far away from a phone to have called me.
There's an 80 year old dude that take walks around our neighborhood who stops and talks to my mom and I when he sees me helping her out of the car. He told me Jesus loves me and I'm going to heaven for helping my mom out. What a retarded fucking cope. Not only am I my mother's in home nurse, but I'm a genetic monster who looks like Danny DeVito and Uncle Fester's inbred retarded butt baby. When I was a baby, my dad had me in a grocery cart in a parking and was playing around like it was a scooter, he fucked up and launched me face first like fifteen feet our of the cart and I landed on my face. This left me with an asymmetrical brow ridge I'll never have to money to fix. My parents didn't give a fuck, instead of immediately taking me to the hospital to check for brain damage and taking me to a craniofacial surgeon to fix my brow ridge they just took me home in fear of what CPS might do. Then he would tell me "how cool it was" because I covered my face with my hands as I was getting launched and protected my eyes. On top of that, a bully beat me up really bad in middle school and left my eye disfigured with enopthalmos that insurance won't cover the operation to fix so now I look like a downy with a lazy eye and I can't leave my house without an eyepatch on. Then in high school, to crown me as The Shah of Incelistan, The Truecel of Truecels, I starting norwooding in NINTH FUCKING GRADE and was NW7 before I even turned 21!
So I'm doomed, I'm an ugly virgin with no friends forced to take care of my sickly mother until I kill myself. I'm so ugly that I'll never have a waifu to help around the house and take care of my mother. I don't want this misery to be my life but there is no way to fix it... The amount of money it costs to fix my face is ungodly, every time I wake up, I want to die. I don't think I can make it another year like this. The thought of living like this makes me sick to my stomach and thinking of suicide is the only way I can feel better about it. I feel suicide is the most practical solution and I'll be starting my journey soon. If my mother is smart, she'll kill herself when they find my decomposing subhuman carcass because there is no point to living as a diseased untermensch abomination anyway. The government should have executed my mother and I both and thrown us in incinerators a long time ago. There is no fucking cope when there is no fucking hope. I'm worthless. Fuck life. I want to start prayopavesa before Christmas.
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I feel for you man..
