Honestly not gonna be a long post but TL;DR: I'm literally bad at everything I do, so my parents. is slowly starting to see how much of a waste of an egg I was.
Honestly, sometimes I stare at my ceiling and start to think about how it all went wrong, before, I had a wonderful relationship with my parents, we used to talk, hang out, I've learned a lot from them. But about 6 years ago, I just broke. Middle school changed who I was forever, and there's literally nothing I can do to change that. Those 2 years at that school we're more important than any other moment in my entire life, and every single second of them were absolutely awful. No friends(for like the first year, but then during the second year I got one but I was still pretty fucked up from the first year.), I got rejected by every girl I asked out meanwhile those around me got laid at the ripe age of 12, I already told you guys I almost got raped so I'm gonna skip over that, but to be honest, everything I went through genuinely couldve been mentally recoverable. If I could talk to myself with the same introspection and inner dialouge I had right now I would have never been that depressed and suicidal. After those two years I just closed myself off, I would deadass go to school, go to football practice(My dad forced me to play it, and honestly so did my coaches, but I later quit.), go home, beat off, play the game and go to sleep. It was just a loop, no conversations, no hangouts, no nothing. I'm sick and tired of pretending things are OK when they're not. If I had never closed myself off I could've had a better experience during high school. But I'[m a retard and I ruined it. Fuck my life dude. Now, I'm 19, about to turn 20, no skills, almost entirely dead social life, no money, no hopes and no aspirations. My life could only get a little worse, I'm close to rock bottom.
Honestly, sometimes I stare at my ceiling and start to think about how it all went wrong, before, I had a wonderful relationship with my parents, we used to talk, hang out, I've learned a lot from them. But about 6 years ago, I just broke. Middle school changed who I was forever, and there's literally nothing I can do to change that. Those 2 years at that school we're more important than any other moment in my entire life, and every single second of them were absolutely awful. No friends(for like the first year, but then during the second year I got one but I was still pretty fucked up from the first year.), I got rejected by every girl I asked out meanwhile those around me got laid at the ripe age of 12, I already told you guys I almost got raped so I'm gonna skip over that, but to be honest, everything I went through genuinely couldve been mentally recoverable. If I could talk to myself with the same introspection and inner dialouge I had right now I would have never been that depressed and suicidal. After those two years I just closed myself off, I would deadass go to school, go to football practice(My dad forced me to play it, and honestly so did my coaches, but I later quit.), go home, beat off, play the game and go to sleep. It was just a loop, no conversations, no hangouts, no nothing. I'm sick and tired of pretending things are OK when they're not. If I had never closed myself off I could've had a better experience during high school. But I'[m a retard and I ruined it. Fuck my life dude. Now, I'm 19, about to turn 20, no skills, almost entirely dead social life, no money, no hopes and no aspirations. My life could only get a little worse, I'm close to rock bottom.
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