T
Tenshi
Banned
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- Joined
- May 21, 2020
- Posts
- 9,495
"Your dad was complaining you (almost) never talk to him, I told him you barely talk to me as well, I never know what you going through, you're always so secluded..."
Such a coincidence, as I was thinking about the same thing as I came back home from work. I really never say anything, I just get home, say good night, go to my room. Some basic convo about the day, which I always use my automatic replies. "How was your day?" "Nice, just a little bit tired".
Tired, tired of living, is what I wanted to say instead. But would this make any difference? Whether I say anything or do not, it won't change a thing. There's nothing they can do, and what they did in the past only caused more pain. So no, thank you. Me telling you about my life will only cause unnecessary distress.
There's already enough pain in all of us, so just forget about it and let me keep going as the soulless creature I have become, mom. That's what I wish I could tell her.
"I barely know my son, I don't even know what kind of music you like (as she points out to me carrying my earphones back to the room)..."
That's just what I am now, that's what a life of misery does to you. Over the years I got this shell around me, that's how I can live, that's how I can bear the unberable. Thick skin, isn't how they call it? There you go.
Who's in fault of that? I don't know... So many people, even they themselves and the chaotic upbringing they could give. Well, it's pointless to blame anyone by now, it doesn't matter. The damaged is done. It's not like kids come with instructions manuals or life only gets tough when we're ready...
I'm very sorry, this isn't the life I wanted, this is not how I wanted things to be. Not even in my worst nightmares I could ever fathom this could be my life at some point. But that's just how things are. I bet she didn't dream her life would be the way it went either.
So, how me telling you I'm sick of living and wish I didn't wake up tomorrow is going to make any good?
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oL85yzDJ4Q0
Such a coincidence, as I was thinking about the same thing as I came back home from work. I really never say anything, I just get home, say good night, go to my room. Some basic convo about the day, which I always use my automatic replies. "How was your day?" "Nice, just a little bit tired".
Tired, tired of living, is what I wanted to say instead. But would this make any difference? Whether I say anything or do not, it won't change a thing. There's nothing they can do, and what they did in the past only caused more pain. So no, thank you. Me telling you about my life will only cause unnecessary distress.
There's already enough pain in all of us, so just forget about it and let me keep going as the soulless creature I have become, mom. That's what I wish I could tell her.
"I barely know my son, I don't even know what kind of music you like (as she points out to me carrying my earphones back to the room)..."
That's just what I am now, that's what a life of misery does to you. Over the years I got this shell around me, that's how I can live, that's how I can bear the unberable. Thick skin, isn't how they call it? There you go.
Who's in fault of that? I don't know... So many people, even they themselves and the chaotic upbringing they could give. Well, it's pointless to blame anyone by now, it doesn't matter. The damaged is done. It's not like kids come with instructions manuals or life only gets tough when we're ready...
I'm very sorry, this isn't the life I wanted, this is not how I wanted things to be. Not even in my worst nightmares I could ever fathom this could be my life at some point. But that's just how things are. I bet she didn't dream her life would be the way it went either.
So, how me telling you I'm sick of living and wish I didn't wake up tomorrow is going to make any good?
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oL85yzDJ4Q0