Venting My life has become a nightmare I can’t wake up from, and I don’t have the balls to kill myself.

[SchrodingersDick]

25 years of loneliness and being treated like an inconsequential peripheral entity, tolerated at best. All the most basic things that others take for granted, and treat as default parts of life, are elusive unattainable luxuries that I’ve never had. I feel like I’ve been constantly drowning my whole life, only coming up for half a breath of air every few minutes just to keep myself alive so I can continue drowning..

No childhood
No youth
Alone for 25 years
No relationships
No experiences
No real memories
No friends or really anyone that gives a fuck about me except my little brother..
Parents hate me.. I hate them too.
And I’m getting balder by the day

I truly don’t know what to do.. No hope of things ever getting better. I’m too far gone for recovery. I’m permanently broken and jaded.. Merely staying alive seems to be a fate worse than death. For the first time, my future seems bleak, full of only more pain and suffering from loneliness, I don’t think the rest of my life is salvageable. Death is preferable to existence at this point.. But I don’t have the balls to kill myself. I’m so scared... I wish something out of my control would come along and kill me already, cause I can’t do it.. I really really hope I don’t have to resort to taking my own life.. Though I’d do it right if I went through with it.. I’d do some heroin to finally feel what normal dopamine is like, and asphyxiate myself with a nitrogen tank plus gas mask.. it’s supposed to be painless.. but I’m so scared.. that last second before I put the mask on would probabaly feel like an entire lifetime.. and the next 2 breaths would be another lifetime before I finally pass out and die.. fuck.. I wish things went another way for me. I wish it didn’t have to be like this. I’m 25 and sitting around wishing for my own death after a lifetime of NOT living, hoping I get cancer or die in my sleep or something... I used to be a kid, hopeful for the future.. and now this.

 

[Hunter]

nofap, now?

 

[Hozo]

i don't get why people who believe in "god" kill them selfs if you believe in god then you believe in the devil meaning if you were to end your own life, you would end up in hell.

 

[SchrodingersDick]

nofap, now?

It’s alwasy day 1 of no fap for me. I keep failing.

i don't get why people who believe in "god" kill them selfs if you believe in god then you believe in the devil meaning if you were to end your own life, you would end up in hell.

I’m an atheist

 

[Tension]

I’m so scared... I wish something out of my control would come along and kill me already, cause I can’t do it..

If it's any consolation, I relate to this a lot myself. I seriously sometimes try to go out driving more with the hope that I will somehow end up in a car crash and just die... it'd be less painful for my family if it seemed like it was that I "died in an accident" as well.

Us Incels and outcasts; we're all living life on spectator mode. The NPCs of this massive simulation. The background characters of the story. I'm not going to be a bluepilled cuck and cry "Suicide is never the answer! You're worth so much!" and all that garbage, but I still, personally think that suicide should only ever be considered as a final resort; once you have exhausted every single possibility, and every opportunity for success has faded away.

Whatever happens is ultimately up to you... all I can really say, is best of luck with whichever path you may take.

 

[Hunter]

It’s alwasy day 1 of no fap for me. I keep failing.

build it up slowly

 

[EthnicelNL]

No childhood
No youth

This destroys a man without possibility of recovery.

 

[EyesAreSoCold]

25 years of loneliness and being treated like an inconsequential peripheral entity, tolerated at best. All the most basic things that others take for granted, and treat as default parts of life, are elusive unattainable luxuries that I’ve never had. I feel like I’ve been constantly drowning my whole life, only coming up for half a breath of air every few minutes just to keep myself alive so I can continue drowning..

No childhood
No youth
Alone for 25 years
No relationships
No experiences
No real memories
No friends or really anyone that gives a fuck about me except my little brother..
Parents hate me.. I hate them too.
And I’m getting balder by the day

I truly don’t know what to do.. No hope of things ever getting better. I’m too far gone for recovery. I’m permanently broken and jaded.. Merely staying alive seems to be a fate worse than death. For the first time, my future seems bleak, full of only more pain and suffering from loneliness, I don’t think the rest of my life is salvageable. Death is preferable to existence at this point.. But I don’t have the balls to kill myself. I’m so scared... I wish something out of my control would come along and kill me already, cause I can’t do it.. I really really hope I don’t have to resort to taking my own life.. Though I’d do it right if I went through with it.. I’d do some heroin to finally feel what normal dopamine is like, and asphyxiate myself with a nitrogen tank plus gas mask.. it’s supposed to be painless.. but I’m so scared.. that last second before I put the mask on would probabaly feel like an entire lifetime.. and the next 2 breaths would be another lifetime before I finally pass out and die.. fuck.. I wish things went another way for me. I wish it didn’t have to be like this. I’m 25 and sitting around wishing for my own death after a lifetime of NOT living, hoping I get cancer or die in my sleep or something... I used to be a kid, hopeful for the future.. and now this.

 

[SchrodingersDick]

If it's any consolation, I relate to this a lot myself. I seriously sometimes try to go out driving more with the hope that I will somehow end up in a car crash and just die... it'd be less painful for my family if it seemed like it was that I "died in an accident" as well.

Us Incels and outcasts; we're all living life on spectator mode. The NPCs of this massive simulation. The background characters of the story. I'm not going to be a bluepilled cuck and cry "Suicide is never the answer! You're worth so much!" and all that garbage, but I still, personally think that suicide should only ever be considered as a final resort; once you have exhausted every single possibility, and every opportunity for success has faded away.

Whatever happens is ultimately up to you... all I can really say, is best of luck with whichever path you may take.

I feel the same way, one of the main things keeping me from suicide aside from fear, is that it would completely destroy my brother. He would be permanently broken from it and I don’t know if he could recover from it.. he wouldn’t wrap his head around me WANTING to die.. he would handle an accidental death Better.

Suicide is far from being not th answer., people just don’t get how bad things can get.. whatever they picture as being the worst it can get, there exists pain for some people that’s orders of magnitude greater. I think there’s situstions where suicide is the only logical, humane solution,

build it up slowly

What effects can I expect?

 

[Tension]

Suicide is far from being not th answer., people just don’t get how bad things can get.. whatever they picture as being the worst it can get, there exists pain for some people that’s orders of magnitude greater. I think there’s situstions where suicide is the only logical, humane solution,

It is this that I wish more people would understand...

 

[nice_try]

I’m 25 and sitting around wishing for my own death after a lifetime of NOT living, hoping I get cancer or die in my sleep or something...

Try getting into extreme sports. You'll feel alive and it wouldn't matter if you die doing it.

 

[Demir]

try to moneymaxxxx somehow

 

[TheRealChincel]

Genetic like us are destined to never achieve so much as a fraction that the average Joe does.

 

[SchrodingersDick]

Genetic like us are destined to never achieve so much as a fraction that the average Joe does.

Ina few weeks, I’ll be closer to 30 than 20.. and I haven’t even started living yet, I haven’t done things, I haven’t had friends, haven’t had relationships., i used to go outside but only to places that I needed to go like gas station, grocery store, fast food, court, etc.. never anywhere for leisure, I “experienced” night life once. I went out drinking with my incel gymcel alcoholic friend.. I got heightmogged by everybody and felt like a child among grown ups.. never again.

Some people don’t get such luxuries like living a life preferable to death.

 

[Insomniac]

No childhood
No youth

This destroys a man without possibility of recovery.

 

[Hoffman_13]

if you don't believe in an afterlife then you shouldn't rope

 

[TheRealChincel]

Ina few weeks, I’ll be closer to 30 than 20.. and I haven’t even started living yet, I haven’t done things, I haven’t had friends, haven’t had relationships., i used to go outside but only to places that I needed to go like gas station, grocery store, fast food, court, etc.. never anywhere for leisure, I “experienced” night life once. I went out drinking with my incel gymcel alcoholic friend.. I got heightmogged by everybody and felt like a child among grown ups.. never again.

Some people don’t get such luxuries like living a life preferable to death.

You’re better off than the average guy in the sense that he thinks he’s THISCLOSE but never quite gets there. I’m not a fan of people and that predates rejection so it’s who I am. What we ALL missed out on is the validation and privilege of being Chad.

 

[GeneticDysfunction]

Genetic like us are destined to never achieve so much as a fraction that the average Joe does.

Exactly if OP was blackpilled he wouldve accepted his status and copemaxx

 

[IsolationHurts]

I can relate so much...

I wish something out of my control would come along and kill me already, cause I can’t do it..

hoping I get cancer or die in my sleep or something...

This is litteraly my only hope at this point. Try to cancermax if you can afford tobacco or weed. Im full cancermaxxing, i dont have any kind of hope by now but i cant kill myself if i dont have a very good reason... so i want to get cancer as soon as possible. I know that chronic pain and inminent death will do.

 

[Brahcel]

Ina few weeks, I’ll be closer to 30 than 20.. and I haven’t even started living yet, I haven’t done things, I haven’t had friends, haven’t had relationships., i used to go outside but only to places that I needed to go like gas station, grocery store, fast food, court, etc.. never anywhere for leisure, I “experienced” night life once. I went out drinking with my incel gymcel alcoholic friend.. I got heightmogged by everybody and felt like a child among grown ups.. never again.

Some people don’t get such luxuries like living a life preferable to death.

u and OP should go to SEA and stay at a hostel for a month.

gotta move around

 

[LDARBuddah]

Fapping makes you a scared nervous wreck
I didnt believe in nofap, but now Ive been on it/reducing fapping significanly I can say that its the best cure for anxiety