So lately I lost interest in 90% of my previous copes or hobbies, I don't want to play videogames anymore, nor buy more action figures or even look at them, tired and bored of movies and shows, and of course I have nothing to do physically because my body is a piece of shit that works for nothing, I don't even like to browse on forums or 4chan etc anymore because I get angry very quickly with shit posts or troll posts and my day gets ruined.
So what do I do, I can't even sleep to dream because I cannot remember my dreams anymore so I even lost my fucking dreams, this has been happening for months.
I can't masturbate anymore, my libido is dead for a week.
My latest and probably only cope now? I look for webcam girls, 40/50yo women, always looking for the ones with 10,5 viewers or less, I grab some snacks and I sit there looking at them, 99% of them are doing nothing but clicking their keyboards and looking at the camera, it's less than 5 viewers why would she do something, she's just there sitting doing nothing, and I sit here looking at them, memorizing every single thing about them, all of them have some background music so it's like listening to the radio too, I get little doses of dopamine every time she looks straight to the camera or when she smiles, I don't even jerk off, don't want to, I just sit there for 6/10 hours swapping between other women because they stay online for an hour at best, I don't interact with them at all, don't want to, I just sit there and daydream about them while she's there, creating fictional scenarios between her and me.
And that's it, that's my life now.
So what do I do, I can't even sleep to dream because I cannot remember my dreams anymore so I even lost my fucking dreams, this has been happening for months.
I can't masturbate anymore, my libido is dead for a week.
My latest and probably only cope now? I look for webcam girls, 40/50yo women, always looking for the ones with 10,5 viewers or less, I grab some snacks and I sit there looking at them, 99% of them are doing nothing but clicking their keyboards and looking at the camera, it's less than 5 viewers why would she do something, she's just there sitting doing nothing, and I sit here looking at them, memorizing every single thing about them, all of them have some background music so it's like listening to the radio too, I get little doses of dopamine every time she looks straight to the camera or when she smiles, I don't even jerk off, don't want to, I just sit there for 6/10 hours swapping between other women because they stay online for an hour at best, I don't interact with them at all, don't want to, I just sit there and daydream about them while she's there, creating fictional scenarios between her and me.
And that's it, that's my life now.
