Some parts of this story might sound cucked, or whatever insults/accusations you want to throw at me, but please read till the end.
I am aware of the fact that I will never find a significant other who will love me for who I am (jfl for thinking I will even find someone)
Since the time I got out of highschool (almost 5 years ago) I've been larping, pretending to be atleast a "normal" guy on several websites on the internet.
With .is being the only website (currently) where I am truly acting as my actual self and being able to express my true thoughts I just had to get this out.
Even if all this larping makes me forget about all the inceldom stuff, even if it's just for a moment - it makes me feel even more miserable once I get out of this "bubble" and realize the harsh reality again. This is the only ever way that I'll be able to "talk" to females, because I don't see any irl interaction happening other than getting laughed at or them looking at me with disgust/rejecting me because looks are all that matter.
I've had several online - well let's call it "situations" that came close to a long-distance relationship just without them knowing how I look or sound like. When they found out though, They'll either tell me that they just want to stay friends or just straight up ghost me. It doesn't matter if I've been "friends" with them for weeks/months, getting to know each others interests, spending time "together" and such. It just all doesn't fucking matter.
There have been times where I've been asked how I don't have a "loving girlfriend" irl or similar, by people who had known me for months, getting to know all my good and bad sides (well except the inceldom part which matters the most). Doesn't matter if it was just a vidya friend or one of those random females I would flirt with or even get pictures from, time to time. As soon as my looks got revealed, it was like my personality never fucking mattered, all those good times we had together and laughed together, just all fucking vanished just because I couldn't meet the look standards.
Some even had the audacity to just tell me the regular
shit or try to convince me that I should go to the gym, because it would "totally" fix my height (5'5), my uglyness and every other flaw I have in me. I'm just so sick of everything and even trying to socialize online, the only "method" I still had/have left after giving up on irl stuff. It's always the same shit that I'm being told, but those fucking npc normies will just never understand. The only copes that worked for me are slowly starting to not work anymore and to be honest, I don't know where this is gonna lead to.
Life has still some things to offer to me (I hope) and with one person in my life who - I'd assume - still believes in me and never stabbed me in back (not literally), I'm not ready to rope or end it at the moment. I'm not gonna take any big actions, just ldar and maybe give it some small effort here and there, because that's all that's left for me.
Thanks for reading.
I am aware of the fact that I will never find a significant other who will love me for who I am (jfl for thinking I will even find someone)
Since the time I got out of highschool (almost 5 years ago) I've been larping, pretending to be atleast a "normal" guy on several websites on the internet.
With .is being the only website (currently) where I am truly acting as my actual self and being able to express my true thoughts I just had to get this out.
Even if all this larping makes me forget about all the inceldom stuff, even if it's just for a moment - it makes me feel even more miserable once I get out of this "bubble" and realize the harsh reality again. This is the only ever way that I'll be able to "talk" to females, because I don't see any irl interaction happening other than getting laughed at or them looking at me with disgust/rejecting me because looks are all that matter.
I've had several online - well let's call it "situations" that came close to a long-distance relationship just without them knowing how I look or sound like. When they found out though, They'll either tell me that they just want to stay friends or just straight up ghost me. It doesn't matter if I've been "friends" with them for weeks/months, getting to know each others interests, spending time "together" and such. It just all doesn't fucking matter.
There have been times where I've been asked how I don't have a "loving girlfriend" irl or similar, by people who had known me for months, getting to know all my good and bad sides (well except the inceldom part which matters the most). Doesn't matter if it was just a vidya friend or one of those random females I would flirt with or even get pictures from, time to time. As soon as my looks got revealed, it was like my personality never fucking mattered, all those good times we had together and laughed together, just all fucking vanished just because I couldn't meet the look standards.
Some even had the audacity to just tell me the regular
shit or try to convince me that I should go to the gym, because it would "totally" fix my height (5'5), my uglyness and every other flaw I have in me. I'm just so sick of everything and even trying to socialize online, the only "method" I still had/have left after giving up on irl stuff. It's always the same shit that I'm being told, but those fucking npc normies will just never understand. The only copes that worked for me are slowly starting to not work anymore and to be honest, I don't know where this is gonna lead to. Life has still some things to offer to me (I hope) and with one person in my life who - I'd assume - still believes in me and never stabbed me in back (not literally), I'm not ready to rope or end it at the moment. I'm not gonna take any big actions, just ldar and maybe give it some small effort here and there, because that's all that's left for me.
Thanks for reading.
